Aftermath
by PanicLegion
Summary: YAOI: Roxas suffers memory loss. Cloud is in a mental hospital. Axel is a foreign affairs consultant at M university and Riku is a vagrant. All of this is coming together in Japan! Kon'nichi waaaa! Cover image not mine. Belongs to kage13 from her collage on blogster.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of Shiroi Bara.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

**Yaoi Warning: **Look up the first word if you don't know it. Lemon alert for later chapters.

**Pairings:** AkuRoku|Soriku|Zloud| The rest I'll let you put together on your own.

**Multiple Viewpoint Plot Alert**: The story starts out with a third-person POV of Roxas. While the format will stay in third-person, I _will _be switching POVs. So if you like plots with a singular POV all the way through; this is not your party.

**Additional Notes: **I'm not fully familiar with the format of this site yet. If you have any advice, I am happy to take it. This is a spinoff from another story, with the exception of the chars being older. However, it can be read completely on it's own.

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**Chapter 1**

_"...Kind of puts a damper on things if I'm totally out-the-window-off-my-ass crazy."_

The petite blonde stared around the tiny apartment with an emotionless expression. Somewhere off in the dark corner that was the kitchen-a faucet dripped. Roxas' eye twitched; he would have to get that fixed. His bags fell the floor next to the door with a muffled _***thump***_. The inset light-fixtures flickered as he turned them on, casting halogen shadows on the tatami mats.

Four years.

Four years of burying his head into textbooks emphasizing the niceties of a highly sophisticated Eastern culture. Forty-eight months of memorizing an insanely diverse and etiquette-centered language. One thousand, four-hundred and sixty days of working towards a degree and a life he didn't really know if he wanted.

"-If there is anything you need..."

Roxas blinked stupidly at the elderly landlord who looked to be trying and failing to suppress his irritation with the rudeness and ignorance of Westerners. The blond bit back a grin; _"Three hours in Japan and already going down in flames impression-wise"_ he thought with a vicious kind of glee. _"And I bet the old geezer could send you home in a bodybag. Turn the "Devil May Care" down a notch, Roxas."_

"Ah, _hai_" Roxas said, smiling in a way that he hoped appeared apologetic. "That faucet is leaking, do you think that could be fixed?" The old man's expression went from bad too worse. _Oops_ didn't even cover Roxas' error. The landlord hadn't been looking for something to do; merely extending a pleasantry...which meant Roxas had basically told him to go fuck himself. "Uhhh...I-I mean thanks!-Thanks-_sumimasen_...please take good care of me."

"We _do_ hope you enjoy your time here" was the pleasant reply. His expression said; _"We __**do **__hope you enjoy a poisoned puccho... preferably sooner than later."_ Roxas bowed and watched warily as the door to his new apartment was closed in front of him. He sighed and then bent to open one of the few boxes next to the low dining room table.

English was not his forte. Roxas had spent the majority of his childhood hanging out the windows of a highrise with his cousin Sora cussing at the people walking by on the sidewalk and throwing wadded chewing gum. He had also spent a large majority of his life with a sore ass from all the beatings with a PS2 controller from his foster-parent-brother-gaurdian Cloud. Discipline mingled with Mario music was _**not**_ fun. But considering his abysmal graduating grades and the overall attitude that his entire class held towards him; Roxas was surprised he had even gotten his Work Visa. Then again, he had never imagined himself teaching a classroom full of college students and professors taking seminars either.

Roxas sighed and pulled his can of instant Maxwell House out of a small box containing kitchen supplies. Looking around for the microwave, his heart sank as he realized said appliance was non-existent. Great. Shoving the suddenly offending container of granules into a cabinet; the blonde began to rifle through the boxes again.

He hadn't done this for himself.

Grinning ruefully, Roxas set the picture of himself and Sora in kindergarten on the coffee table. Sora had done well with school; coming out with a Master's in Organic Chem and an offer to work in a lab overseas. With his ever-present positive attitude, he had agreed almost immediately. The blonde smiled fondly, nothing ever deterred his cousin not even-His fingers shook slightly as his vision clouded; his sightless eyes filling with a silver-haired aquamarine-eyed teenager gazing longingly at the back of his cousin. Roxas suppressed the anger the rose inside him and went back to unpacking with more vigor than usual. Neither Roxas' Uncle or Aunt Hikari had been comfortable with the thought of Sora going overseas alone. And frankly, neither was Roxas. So despite Cloud's near-coherent rantings about "proper education"; Roxas had taken the required courses and gotten his Work Visa at the same time as his cousin.

Besides...it wasn't like anyone had wanted to stay in that hellhole anyway. The blonde stood up with his box of kitchen supplies and made his way to the small space. He had ordered a one-room apartment because it was easier. Traditional houses were by no means affordable, especially considering his potential salary. The blonde was much more comfortable with an area that was small; where he could do everything he needed in tiny perimeters.

Roxas jumped as someone knocked on the door of his apartment.

"Roxas!" his cousin's voice floated through the dividing space. "I heard that you arrived after lunch, did you want to go and grab a bite?"

The blonde opened the door to admit the spiky-haired brunette. Sora bounced over the threshold; excitement glittering in his sapphire eyes.

"Ooof!" Roxas' vision was momentarily obscured by chocolate-colored locks as Sora hugged him and gave him a perfunctory whack on the back. "Great to see you too cuz" he chuckled, nudging Sora's shoulder. "How've you been?"

"Great!" Sora said breathlessly. "Roxas you're gonna love it here! It's soooo coool!" He flopped unceremoniously onto his couch. "So, you like the landlord?"

Roxas grinned.

"Yeah...I don't think he likes me so well though." Sora grinned.

"Oji-san hates every Westerner that walks over his threshold" he laughed. "He'll warm up to you though, you'll see."

"My faucet leaks" Roxas added unhelpfully. Sora waved a hand airily.

"Everything leaks here" the brunette chuckled. "It won't get fixed if you ask, so don't. You'll offend someone, and you're a lot better at being offensive than me."

"Too late for that" Roxas sighed dejectedly. "I asked Ojino to fix it within forty-five seconds of walking in the door. He looked at me like I stepped on his cat." Sora howled with laughter. "Stepped on his cat, took its head off with a shovel and hung it from the light fixture."

"Strike one Roxas, strike one" his cousin chortled. "Aw forget about it; do you have any coffee? I see you brought your Playstation, wanna kill a few hours with some Gran Trismo?"

"I thought we were going to go grab a bite" Roxas retorted, folding his arms. "And yes, I brought instant coffee but there is no microwave up in this joint and I am seriously afraid of that stove."

Sora's head swiveled to stare at the appliance.

"...Holy..."

Roxas nodded absentmindedly.

"..Yeah. _'Holy fuck it looks like it's about sixty years old'_, right? Might fire it up and cause Armageddon." Soar grinned. "Have you heard from Auntie?" Roxas continued curiously. "How is everyone doing?"

Sora shrugged.

"You'd know more than me, I've been here longer than you. I talked to her yesterday but she was in a rush. I heard that Cloud's doing better."

Roxas avoided his cousin's gaze.

"…Yeah, they say he's improving a lot."

"First good thing I've hear since the-well…you know"

Roxas felt himself turn pale; neither of them would look at each other now.

_ "The accident"_ echoed unconsciously in each of their minds.

Sora cleared his throat after a few moments and rubbed his hands together.

"Soo" he said slowly. "You want to play some games or what?"

The stove, as it happened, worked perfectly. Sora ordered take-out and they wasted three hours bashing each other's' vehicles with Roxas' ancient Playstation. Roxas had one of the happiest evenings he'd had in a long time and when he saw Sora out the door he couldn't help but feel that he had for once made a decision that influenced him positively.

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Morning dawned later than Roxas had intended.

Slurring swearwords and stumbling over unpacked boxes; the blond managed to hail a taxi and pull into traffic fifteen minutes before his scheduled interview with the Dean of Students at M University. Roxas checked his watch frantically before cussing at the driver in English and then remembering he was in entirely the wrong country. Unfortunately the man understood him and proceeded to kick him out of the cab a quarter of the mile from his intended destination. Abandoning logic for desperation; he ran the rest of the way and lost his best tie to a revolving door in the lobby.

_ "Conference Room 2B"_ he muttered, vaulting up a flight of stairs. "1A...1C...2A...2B!" Roxas yanked the door open; fully prepared with a long string of formal apologies and well-concocted anecdotes. "Excuse me-_Gomen'nasai! O-matase-shimashita!_I'm sorry I'm late!" The blonde stopped abruptly, realizing the room was empty. He flushed miserably, and ground his palms into the circular conference table in disgust. He'd blown it. Less than 24 hours and he'd blown it.

"Good morning! _Ohayōgozaimasu!O-matase-shimashita!_"

Roxas gaped.

Hair like that was _not_ natural; there was some serious gel involved. Roxas was pretty sure that if it were any closer he'd have thought someone drove a firetruck through the door of M University...nobody had hair that red. Did this guy have issues in heavy traffic?! Every nerve in the blonde's psyche screamed _**"STOP!**_ And...yea, Japan was not as traditional as he thought. Because he was pretty sure he had never met a teacher in America with contacts that obnoxiously green.

"Annnnd initial impression shock wears off in 5...4...3...2...1..."

"-Are you _serious?!_" Roxas gasped.

The redhead blinked, did a double-take, and then froze his mouth falling open in astonishment

"Roxas!" he gasped.

Something in the blond stirred at the mention of his name. A need so deep and so frightening it left him clenching the table gasping. It occurred to him that this was no way to start an interview. Both of them seemed to be shell-shocked with some factor of the other. Blue eyes stared into green and were held there for what seemed like an eternity.

"Y-yes" Roxas finally managed to grind out. "Roxas Hikari." He held out his hand. "I'm sorry I'm so late, I didn't hear my alarm clock." Wait-what?! Where was his perfectly formed excuse of; _"my laundry wasn't ready until the last minute and the cleaners left an iron-burn on my best dresshirt"_? What was with the sudden honest response?

The redhead was looking at his hand as if it was a foreign object. Roxas felt his face flush further. Great. Now he'd insulted the Dean of Students. How much worse could his day get?

"Sorry" his acquaintance mumbled, shaking his hand briefly then dropping it as if it were on fire. "Nice to meet you, I'm Axel Shoundoa. Welcome to M University Mr. Hikari."

"Shoundoa" Roxas muttered, almost to himself. "Isn't the Dean's name..?-"

"-Oh I'm not the Dean" Shoundoa chuckled, scratching his abominably long hair awkwardly. "I'm the Foreign Career assessment assistant. Dr. Ohonda had to step out for a while and asked me to take his place. "

"Ah I see" Roxas said tightly. "Well, it's good to meet you Mr. Shoundoa. Please take good care of me."

Axel had cringed at the word "Mr."

"Please, just call me Axel. We're both staff members after all, I don't bother with the formalities."

Roxas felt a bit of the tightness lift off his chest.

"Axel" he echoed almost unconsciously.

"Yeah. A-X-E-L. Axel. Got it memorized?" Roxas felt a pang of nostalgia at the last statement, though he couldn't figure out why. "And _never_ ask me to take care of anything. I don't border well on commitments."

"Well it's great to know you harbor inconsistencies" Roxas snapped before he could control himself. Something about the redhead's statement had got under his skin. "Can we get on with it?"

Axel barely hid his grin.

"Sure. You'll be teaching in Tokyo building; it's a class of about thirty students. Pretty small to be honest" he said after catching Roxas' panicked look. "The Dean said he wanted you to start right away, helps to dive in and do your breathing later ya know?" Roxas felt his eye twitch at the previous statement but said nothing. "I'll give you some personal secondhand advice" Axel continued. "Don't act nervous or the student body will devour you whole and spit you out shivering and identityless."

Roxas chuckled.

"They won't have much to take from me I'm afraid" he said dryly. "But good to know in anycase." He shuffled the interview papers he'd painstakingly compiled. "Did you need a copy of my portfolio?"

Axel looked confused.

"Uh, no? The Dean has it, I'm sure that's enough." Now it was the blonde's turn to be bewildered.

"Aren't you going to interview me?" he asked incredulously.

"What? Why?"

Roxas flushed.

"I don't know...I could be some psycho with a fetish for Eastern college students...kind of puts a damper on things if I'm totally out-the-window-off-my-ass crazy."

The room exploded with noise and Roxas had to cover his ears. It was agonizing! He looked around frantically to see where the ruckus was coming from. Then he realized that the noise was coming from none other than the redhead himself. Axel was nearly bent in two laughing.

"I wasn't being _funny_" Roxas hissed.

"Ah! Roxy! You just made my day!" he chortled. Roxas stiffened and all the blood drained from his face.

"Don't. Call. Me. That" he snapped. "I will kick your ass."

"Sorry, sorry" Axel snickered, raising his hands in defeat. "But you've got a sense of humor kid, that's good ya know?"

"I'm going" Roxas said shortly, turning on heel.

"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait" was the half-laughing response. He found himself dragged back to the table by his collar and thrown unceremoniously into a chair. "Alright. I'll ask a few questions." Roxas straightened his rumpled shirt and glared daggers at the individual now taking a seat across from him. Axel made a great show of putting on some ridiculously large spectacles that the blonde was almost positive were fake. He then opened a binder that Roxas hadn't noticed him carrying and took out a pen. "What were the last two years of your High School education like?"

Roxas blinked incredulously for what felt like the thousandth time since he entered the room.

"Uh, what?"

Axel tapped his pen impatiently.

"The last two years of your High School education. Describe them."

Roxas briefly wondered if the man were crazy. These weren't proper interview questions, they were personal.

"They were horrible" he said flatly.

"May I ask why?"

"No" was the equally emotionless response. "Try again."

Axel furrowed his brow.

"Ookay...do you suffer from physical or mental abuse?"

_ "Only from myself"_ he thought wryly.

"Ummm, no?"

"That didn't sound very convincing."

"What the hell?! I live by myself and my cousin is like five foot two. I would demolish him. I just got here yesterday."

"Oh really? How was your flight?" Axel asked curiously.

"Are we doing an interview or having a conversation?!" Roxas exploded.

"Oops! Right right. I could care less how your flight went, sunshine." The blonde didn't know if it was possible to be any angrier. "Next question...what city did you move here from?"

"New York, upper Manhattan to be specific."

"Oooh, ritzy."

"Get on with it" Roxas said through clenched teeth.

"Do you have any siblings?"

"Yeah, I mean sorta. He's my guardian but as good as my brother...he's kind of in a mental facility."

Axel's pen froze from where Roxas was sure he was scribbling nothing but doodles.

"...A mental facility?"

"Is that a problem?" Roxas asked tightly.

"No, no" Axel muttered distractedly. "I'm sorry to hear about it. Umm, any careers previous to this one?"

Roxas was taken aback by the suddenly professional attitude the redhead seemed to exude.

"I worked as a lifeguard my last two years of High School" he replied dryly. "And during college I landed a lucky spot in the bookstore."

"So like you, blondie" Axel chuckled, then paled as he realized what he'd said.

Roxas tried to ignore the feeling of panic that rose up inside his chest. It swirled uncertainly in his stomach, tightening his nerves as it inched his way up. He suddenly found it very hard to breathe. Spots exploded in front of his eyes like blots of ink bleeding onto his retinas. His breath suddenly sounded too loud in his ears, a barrage of sound, each inhale and exhale increasing in frequency until the world started to spin. Axel was saying something, he looked confused and concerned. Roxas didn't have time for it; not as his eyesight disappeared completely. His heartbeat was too loud and too fast... _"Dammit..."_ he thought absentmindedly as he slipped sideways in the chair; hearing Axel's panicked yelp from far away. Didn't the doctors say these episodes had gone away with his discharge? Wasn't that why he'd been allowed to leave the hospital in the first place? Wait, what hospital?...What episodes...what accident..._what?..._

_ "Hey...Roxas!"__  
__  
_ "Roxas!"

"Oh my God, call 911!"

"Roxas,_Roxas!"_

_ Who are you?_

"Roxas...Don't you remember me?"

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Please like and comment!

I'm a little bit nervous. Look for the next installment next week at this same time.

Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed/enjoy it.

Thanks for reading-Uvidíme se později!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

**Yaoi Warning: **Look up the first word if you don't know it. Lemon alert for later chapters.

**Pairings:** AkuRoku|Soriku|Zloud| The rest I'll let you put together on your own.

**Multiple Viewpoint Plot Alert**: The story starts out with a third-person POV of Roxas. While the format will stay in third-person, I _will _be switching POVs. So if you like plots with a singular POV all the way through; this is not your party.

**Additional Notes: **I'm not fully familiar with the format of this site yet. If you have any advice, I am happy to take it. This is a spinoff from another story, with the exception of the chars being older. Oh, I also realized that I accidentally labeled chapter 1 as Shiroi Bara. Derp. Though that _is _the name of the fic on my alternate site; I chose a different title here. Sorry for the confusion.

**imortal173: **Thanks for the review! I'm really glad you liked the writing style. It's great to hear that you enjoyed the plot so far. Hopefully I can keep it up!

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**Chapter 2**

_"Yeah...I'm shocked too."_

There was a reason he was an overseas consultant for a college in Japan.

Axel had left his home-country a long time ago, and for a good reason. He and his lover at the time had been in a car crash due to a high-speed chase. Both of them had only survived by a hairsbreadth and had spent extensive time in the ICU. Those days looking over at the bed next to him; listening to the ventilator pump air in and out of his best friends' chest-...they'd been torture. Pure and utter agony. People had told him to prepare himself for the worst, that it was highly likely there wouldn't be a recovery. Even when he himself got better, he went and saw him for hours every day. Just knowing he was still alive was enough. Axel had told himself he would deal emotionally when tragedy struck; that he could handle the worst of the worst of the worst...

... But nothing had prepared him for what happened.

Axel could remember walking into the hospital during winter... It was late at night; no traffic from what he could recall. For some reason he hadn't been able to sleep, there was a nagging sensation in his stomach he couldn't shake. So he went to sit by him, hoping it would calm his buzzing nerves. The glaring halogen hallway lights had seared his retinas into oblivion. He remembered nearly stumbling over the IV pole as he drew a chair as close to the bed as possible. That was when his world came to a sudden and impossible halt. Those baby blue eyes were wide open and looking inquiringly at him; perfect pink lips slightly parted in confusion. Axel had choked his name; run his fingers through those soft blonde locks; only to feel shock as his lover jerked away. And then three words...three words that were enough to shatter him into pieces small enough that he had nearly failed to put himself back together.

_"Who are you?"_

If someone had walked into the room and shot him in the back of the head; it would have been a relief. Axel had only been able to stare at him, to blink stupidly as he sat up and looked around. He wanted so badly to touch him, to hold him. But a small part of him knew there would be no positive reciprocation. Whoever was sitting in that hospital bed had no idea who Axel was, and barely any idea of his own identity.

_"I'll...call your cousin."_

And so Axel had contacted the family and they had rushed to the gigantic building without question or hesitation. The redhead had sat back and watched in agony as that face lit up with happiness and memory of them; turning to smile at him in confused thanks.

But not recognition.

It was a downspiral.

He waited four months while they treated his memory. Axel could remember his mother holding him for hours-calling the blonde's family in a desperate rage to know whether or not the piece of her son's heart could remember him. But he didn't. And he still didn't...and still didn't. Axel could remember standing at the window of his apartment and watching his mother go off to binge drink. He couldn't sleep. Axel's sheets had his smell, that soft scent like vanilla and blueberries. They had made love in his bed. He couldn't look at his walls, his apartment. There were too many memories embedded there. Seventeen years of childhood friendship and then romantic friendship...years upon years of tears and laughter and anger and happiness. Everywhere Axel looked there were memories of him. He wanted to die.

So when his lover's cousin told him he might want to think about leaving; he hadn't thought twice. The brunette had given him money to go far...really far.

_"You deserve it, Axel. I can't see you like this. I know he wouldn't want it either."_

But who was "he?" "He" was gone. So Axel left too. And now "he" was in a fetal position on the floor in front of him having a panic attack. His first thought when he saw him was; _"I am so not emotionally prepared for this."_ Every gesture was as he remembered it; burned into his memory like a brand of molten hot metal. The thunderous expression, the reluctant tolerance of his presence. It was almost as if he hadn't forgotten him... But he called him Mr. Shoundoa, even in his most drunken state previously Axel knew that he would never have called him that.

"Roxas!"

_...Roxas_ Axel's breath caught as the name left his mouth. How long had he refused to even _think_ of that title? Now it was here in front of him, torturing him... And yet he let his binder fly as he tried to soften the blonde's fall while he fell from his chair. He held his hand expressionlessly while both of them rode out the attack. And it was Axel who went and got him a bottle of water once the episode was over. Roxas was panting heavily, his face ashen as he accepted the redhead's offering without comment an gulped it down.

"Are you okay?" Axel asked flatly.

Roxas flinched, as if the sound of his voice caused him pain.

_"You have no idea of pain"_Axel thought bitterly.

"I-I'm fine" he said roughly. "I'm sorry. I haven't had one of those in a long time."

Axel attempted what he hoped was a smile and not a pained grimace.

"Yeah well...first day on the job, pressure from your peers. It can do it to a guy, ya know?"

_"It's not like __**I **__caused your stupid little girly freak-out session. Because you don't remember me."_

The blonde smiled shyly and Axel nearly fainted.

"Yeah...thanks for understanding. I...I'm sorry for being so rude earlier, you're just an entirely new page in my book" he laughed in an embarrassed sort of way. "You really stand out."

_Fuck_

_"What the hell are you doing?!"_ his mind screamed as he helped the blonde off the floor. "_Are you __**trying **__to permanently scar your psyche?!"_But Axel hushed that part of his brain as he helped Roxas off the floor and picked up the portfolio that had fallen to the ground. He battled the rational part of his conscious with fire as he asked the blonde if he'd like to grab a bite to eat at their lunch break. And he tried to ignore the fact that his mind was spinning with hope and possibilities he had thought dead and buried as he watched Roxas walk away from him with his cell number in his pocket.

_"Text me if you need anything."_

_"I'm a masochist"_ he thought miserably.

"Axel!"

_...Something wrong with him...maybe he should seek therapy-"_

_"AXEL!"_

The redhead jumped as a large stack of English reports assaulted his face. Swearing angrily he bent to retrieve the papers, muttering under his breath. _This_ was another reason he was a masochist. He wondered vaguely what would happen to this woman if he quit. Her short blonde hair was slicked back like some freakish Jersey gangster. Two stray antennae of hair stuck almost vertically upward, giving the impression of an extremely large ant. Eyes as green as his flashed with mirth and sadism.

"Didn' t mommy teach you not to hit people?" Axel snapped. "Cheese and crackers Larx, haven't I got enough shit to do?"

"If you have enough time to make food-related innuendos, I'd say no. You don't."

Axel felt his temper building. Great. Blondie was enough to send him into stormcloud mode; highly unusual for someone who was hardly fazed by anything. Then again, that didn't really surprise him. He'd punched Riku in the face for stealing Roxas' ice-cream in fourth grade. He'd gotten paddled for it.

"I'm not doing it" he snapped.

Larxene raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? You're usually happy to grade my papers."

"Yea, I'm always _thrilled_ to read two hundred essays on why some fucking kids' life is so damn rough. Why don't you do your class a favor and tell them to get their spoiled little heads out of their smart-ass little rears and take a walk into a real middle-class neighborhood!"

Larxene mouthed incredulously at him for a second; the dark blue keffiyeh around her neck sliding slightly. Axel folded his arms and glowered at her. He had met Larxene upon his arrival and hiring at M University. Both of them had landed their jobs at the same time, and having both been from the United States; it was easy for them to strike up a steady, if explosive, friendship. Larxene was a creative writing doctorate. Something highly unusual and very sought-after. Neither of them liked the other to any great extent, but it was occasionally pleasant to have someone who fully understood your language sit down and hold a conversation; however angsty and irritable it got. Grading her papers was a way Axel killed time. He'd almost went for an English major before he decided that the career field was too snotty and competitive.

"Okay..." she said slowly. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

Axel sighed, deflating slightly.

"Nothing" he muttered, checking his watch. "I've...got a lunch date in like three hours."

Larxene raised an eyebrow.

"A new love interest hmm? After turning down every individual in this school that has thrown themselves at your feet in the last year? How unusual, I thought you might be impotent."

"It's not exactly new" Axel replied through clenched teeth. "And I think I might be digging my own grave. Look, gimme the papers. Your bitchy students might clear my head."

Her face brightened.

"Great. Just have them back by two."

"Yeah...yeah" Axel muttered as she piled the reports into his hands. "Just don't be pissy if I missed a few things."

He watched as the blonde made her way back to the teachers' lounge. Wheeling in the opposite direction; the redhead made his way to the smoking terrace to enjoy a cigarette...or two...or five...or the entire pack. The sun had slowly risen to a blazing ball in the sky. He checked his watch for what felt like the eight thousandth time. Twenty minutes still. Roxas was still teaching class. Axel grimaced as he realized he hadn't even given him a syllabus for the day. The poor guy was flying blind on his first day of teaching in a foreign country. Beginning of the fall semester too; right when students were the least motivated about going back to school.

The redhead shrugged helplessly and spread the reports in front of them; picking up the text requirements. _Teen Pregnancy and It's Affect Upon Today's Underage Individuals; Discuss from an unbiased point of view._ Axel grimaced. Occasionally the thought crossed his mind that Larxene might have it out for him. She _knew_ that he knew nothing about this sort of thing. And yet the reports she asked Axel to look over always centered on some obscure, political, and female-oriented topic. Almost all the essays were exactly what the redhead had expected; a bunch of young adults harping on the close-mindedness of their elders and their wishes for a more free-thinking society.

Every single essay was biased.

Axel was so absorbed in the misery of bitchy content and petty grammatical mixups he didn't even hear his phone. It rang twice before he even mentally acknowledged it. When he did; papers went flying as the redhead scrabbled to reach his cellular device.

"Helloo?"

_**"Hi...umm...Axel?"**_

"Guilty as charged" the redhead said lazily, on his hands and knees with his shoulder pressed to his ear as he picked up loose essays. There was a slight pause and Axel grinned as he imagined Roxas' look of disgust with his previous statement.

_**"...This is Roxas. Are we still meeting for lunch?"**_

"Unless you are suddenly otherwise engaged...yes."

_**"Oh no I was just making sure. Where do you want to meet?"**_

"Main Entrance" Axel replied. "I'll be there in five."

It took a lot of will-power to refrain from telling Roxas how sexy he looked in a collared shirt. He _smiled_ when he saw Axel. Roxas. Smiled. At. Axel. The redhead decided that any pain he might endure in the next hour was completely worth it for that blue-eyed, pearly-toothed smile. He waved and joined Roxas at the revolving entrance doors in the lobby.

"Where did you have in mind to go?" Roxas asked, fidgeting with his portfolio.

"There's a really, really great shashimi store I've wanted to try out." Axel said, beckoning the blonde out of the entrance. "Fairly new, ya know?"

"A shashimi _only_ shop?" Roxas asked curiously.

"Yeah...is that an issue?"

"No, no" the blue-eyed individual replied, a tinge of enthusiasm in his voice. "I'm just interested! I'm kind of psyched to be here honestly."

Axel felt his chest constrict but ignored it. Instead, he took a sharp right onto a street that was thick with open-air restaurants and shops; their merchandise occasionally spilling out onto the street as vendors ran out of room for their items indoors. The vertical signs with their intricate halogen titles were mostly off for the day but Axel knew how it lit up at night. People were everywhere. Left. Right. Front. Back. The streets were clogged; which was only to be expected. Roxas wasn't handling it too well.

"Ah! _sumimasen!_"

The redhead bit his lip in order to keep from laughing at the blonde's bewildered and overwhelmed expression. He knew what it felt like. There were so many things to look at, it was like popping an acid in the middle of Times Square. Complete and total overload.

"Here" he said, shaking off the electric current that ran up his hand as he pulled Roxas by the arm and onto a more secluded street. "How was class?"

Roxas expression darked for a moment.

"Well...I _kind_ of didn't get a syllabus."

Axel grinned and reached up to scratch the back of his neck.

"Haha yea, I didn't realize that 'till you were long gone. Used to teachers having their own syllabuses...kind of a whirlwind since the other English professor quit last-minute and you were the only fill-in. Were the students harsh with you?"

Roxas shook his head.

"Nope, I'm actually surprised. They were all very understanding."

"Wow" Axel muttered, shielding his eyes to look ahead on the street. "It's up here to the right."

"Yeah...I'm shocked too" Roxas said conversationally as they entered the shop and greeted the owner. "I think my biggest challenge will be my own tolerance of teaching."

Axel paused, looking up from the menu to frown at the blonde.

"...You don't want to teach?"

Roxas grimaced.

"...Not really. My cousin got a bachelor's in organic chem and almost immediately got an offer from overseas. Neither his parents or me were really comfortable with him going by himself; so once we were sure his graduation choices would be final-I took a speed-course and ended up here too. It's not exactly the path I expected to be following, but it's a nice change all the same."

Axel ordered and stepped back to let Roxas in front, thinking all the while. So Sora was here too. Good thing he had asked, the brunette was bound to make getting closer to Roxas more difficult. While they waited on their meal Axel gave Roxas the course syllabus and a small flyer that mapped out the campus. He pointed out a few key locations but otherwise left the rest up to Roxas. Once they had sat down with their food; the talk turned to events back in America and Axel had a lot of trouble being straight with the blonde.

"Where in the US are you from?"

"...New York State."

"Wow! Same as me! Cool. Where at in New York?"

"The Big Apple."

"...Same city too. Creepy. We might have met sometime."

_"You have no idea"_

Axel laughed, not intending for it to sound harsh. Roxas looked at him in mild concern.

"Yeah...maybe. I'd remember a face like yours though."

"What d'you mean "like mine?!""

The redhead grinned.

"Oh, you know. Cute. Adorable."

Roxas looked thunderous.

"Are you a pervert?"

"Ouch! It hurts!"

"Roxas!"

The blonde's once-angry eyes widened in surprise at the voice. Axel felt himself turn white as he recognized the brunette locks walking towards them with a tray of shashimi.

"Hey Sora" Roxas said, making room for his cousin.

Axel prayed that if he sat as quietly as possible; Sora's IQ might bypass his presence.

"Hey Roxas, hey Axel" Sora said cheerfully.

"Oh, you guys know each other?" Roxas asked curiously as Sora did a split-second double-take.

"A-Axel!" he gasped.

Axel raised a weak hand in greeting.

"Heya. Sora Hikari, right? I've seen you on campus."

Sora mouthed wordlessly before his face turned a dangerous shade of purple

"Come and eat" Roxas said cheerfully. "I met Axel on campus today. He's been really helpful."

"Has he?" Sora asked through gritted teeth.

"Yea" Roxas said, digging around in his bag. "Look, he gave me the course syllabus and a map of the campus. Even showed me where that hidden bathroom is."

Sora's shoulders sagged.

"...How...nice."

The rest of their meal was indescribably chilly. Axel didn't want to risk popping Sora's top by talking too much, Roxas was too absorbed in lesson plans and the brunette was too busy glaring nuclear missiles at the redhead over his soda to have any kind of civil discussion. When they were bowed out of the little shop by the owner, Axel felt a sense of relief.

"Thanks for lunch" Roxas said cheerfully.

"No problem" Axel said, checking his watch in order to avoid Sora's gaze. "Oh _shit!_"

"What's wrong?"

"I have some essays I should have gotten back to someone an hour ago!" Axel panicked.

"How unfortunate for you" Sora said sarcastically. Axel resisted the urge to cuss him out. "I'll walk Roxas back, why don't you go on ahead?"

Axel hesitated, but logic won him over. Larxene would have his head if he didn't come back soon.

"Alright...see you around Roxas!"

"Bye Axel."

As he swerved down a side-alley next to the shashimi shop, the redhead heard Roxas ask;

"So...do you know if Axel works every day? Or just some days?"

And he couldn't help but grin as Sora's loud "F" bomb hit him in the back three yards on the run.

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Thanks for reading! Please review and comment!  
Look for the next installment next week around this same time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

**Yaoi Warning: **Look up the first word if you don't know it. Lemon alert for later chapters.

**Pairings:** AkuRoku|Soriku|Zloud| The rest I'll let you put together on your own.

**Multiple Viewpoint Plot Alert**: The story starts out with a third-person POV of Roxas. While the format will stay in third-person, I _will _be switching POVs. So if you like plots with a singular POV all the way through; this is not your party.

**Additional Notes: **I'm not fully familiar with the format of this site yet. If you have any advice, I am happy to take it. This is a spinoff from another story, with the exception of the chars being older. Oh, I also realized that I accidentally labeled chapter 1 as Shiroi Bara. Derp. Though that _is _the name of the fic on my alternate site; I chose a different title here. Sorry for the confusion.

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"Roxas you hung out with Axel again today didn't you?"

Said person paused, his steamed rice halfway into his mouth. Baby blue eyes blinked and regarded Sora calmly. Evidently Roxas decided to forfeit eating the rice and set his bowl back on the table. He then leaned forward to look seriously at his cousin.

"...Is that a problem?"

Sora flinched, surprised by the directness of Roxas' question.

"N-no."

He yelped as Roxas' hand smacked the chopsticks he had lifted down.

"Tell me the truth Sora."

The brunette pouted, caught by his own nosiness.

"...It's...not that I don't like him. He's just not good news for you, that's all."

Roxas scoffed.

"He's not exactly _high profile_ Sora. He's an overseas coordinator at a popular University who grades other people's papers because he has too much time on his hands. As for your definition of _'hanging out':_ I've gone to lunch with him and talked with him in the teacher's lounge. That's not exactly what I 'd call 'hanging'; unless we're still in a high school mentality-to which I would call it _borderline_ 'bros'. How much do you really know about him anyway?"

"It's not about knowing him" Sora replied quietly. "Roxas, I know _you._ Anyone who asked to _sit_ with you at lunch in High School was lucky to walk away without a black eye. You hate people." Roxas flushed. "It's as simple as that. What is so special about this guy?"

"I don't know" Roxas admitted, sitting back a little. "He...doesn't judge me. The fact that I'm quiet-it doesn't bother him. He fills the silence. If I don't talk, he talks for me; even if it's completely out of context and not what I'd say at all..."

"Yeah, but other people have tried to do that too" Sora pointed out through a mouthful of rice; pointing his chopsticks like javelins. "What cuts him a break?"

"The fact that he doesn't _ask_ for one" Roxas snapped impatiently, flicking the offending utensils out of his cousin's hands. "Fuck Sora, don't you think it gets old when people walk up to like frightened rabbits and tentatively ask to sit with you? It makes me feel like a freak. Axel just..." he sighed. "He didn't ask, he just stormed in and made a place for himself."

"...And you like that" Sora sighed, not asking. Roxas nodded. "Roxas...I can't tell you not to hang out with people but I just don't like the idea of you and Axel." He stood and hunted for his coat. "I gotta go get this lab work done or I'm screwed. Thanks for the meal."

"Hey, Sora" Roxas said, the brunette paused at the door. "Don't get so worked up over nothing."

Sora flushed and shut the door behind him with a little more force than he'd meant to. There was a reason he didn't want his cousin hanging out with that redhead; the brunette took a deep breath and began to trudge down the stairs of the complex. Axel was the friend Roxas had gotten into a car accident with. Axel was the person Roxas had been friends with since childhood. Axel was the person who had reached Roxas' heart when no one else could. ...And Axel was the one Roxas had completely forgotten in the space of a few seconds. Sora didn't know what the hell the redhead was thinking, _why_ he hadn't run away screaming at the mere sight of his cousin was a mystery in itself. And Roxas was receptive to Axel. Still. _That_was phenomenal. Sora had watched them click almost instantly. When he had walked into the restaurant he had almost forgotten that the scene in front of him wasn't ordinary. Roxas had been the most relaxed the brunette had seen him in years.

Axel, however, looked like someone was pulling out his toenails. Individually. With a pair of tweezers. Sora sighed and tucked the scarf wrapped around his neck into the front of his jacked, jamming his freezing hands into his pockets. It hadn't been so much in his gestures as in his eyes. The redheads eyes were glassy, stricken, confused. Sora knew nothing good would come of it.

Roxas lived in an apartment building about 7 blocks from M University. Sora had an apartment in the same complex but the work he'd been neglecting to finish was piling up. He didn't know what was causing it. For years he had plowed through mountains of homework, behemoth essays and endless scraps of projects to work towards this goal. He was what he had always wanted to be. The brunette stared up at the steel archway marking the entrance the the campus. "M" University. He was here. He had what he wanted. And now, all of a sudden, he wasn't motivated in the least.

The brunette jumped and dug irritably in his pockets as the sound of his phone jarred him from his thoughts. He was striding towards the Science center over a great expanse of grassy lawn; if he took the call he'd be even more hard-pressed for time than he already was. Lifting the device so that he could see the small halogen screen; he froze. Time seemed to stop. The words: _**Riku Takahashi**_ seared his retinas. For a delirious moment his mind threw itself into reverse, spewing out a tapestry of the past that was both painful and paralyzing:

_The aquamarine eyes burned him, but in a good way. He was naked; so...deliciously naked with him. Those perfect lips-that mouth that could be both cruel and kind hovered over his, hot breath sending whispers across his cheek and down his jawbone. Fingers touched him; long, long, artistic fingers. Passion had died with this person; watching his van drive away, Sora had forgotten what it felt like to feel pleasure.__**"Sora..."**__that glorious voice murmured._

"...Hello?" Sora was only too aware of how his voice shook.

_**"Holy shit you still have the same number?!"**_

His voice hit him like a punch in the gut. Sora fell to his knees on the lawn, watching the sky spin above him. It was Riku. _Riku_. Riku was calling him. His heart didn't know what to do; it constricted and expanded in both fear and hope-beating wildly against ribs that suddenly felt impossibly weak._Why?_...why now? The brunette closed his eyes and opened his mouth. He wanted to say; _"how are you?"_ and _"I miss you."_

"What do you want, Riku."

Sora flinched at the cold voice that came out of his mouth. It was a tone filled with resentment; hurt, and thinly veiled anger. For a while there was silence on the other end.

_**"...I...don't know"**_ was the eventual reply. The brunette laughed wildly.

"Y-you don't know" he wheezed. "You don't know-"

_**"-I guess I wanted to say I was sorry"**_ Sora's hands trembled at the pathetic response.

"You call...after _years_-to-to say your 'sorry?!'"hi voice had risen an octave at the end.

_**"...Well yea...is there a problem with that?"**_

Sora blinked at the phone stupidly. Riku was never this insensitive. At least not to him. The fact that his former best-friend and lover was suddenly oblivious to his emotions pissed him off to an end that was so far-fetched Sora felt like stomping his feet like a two year old denied candy.

"You know what...Riku?" Sora asked as calmly as possibly.

_**"What's that, Sora?"**_

The brunette tried to control the intake of breath after his name was spoken. It was impossible. Hearing Riku say his name _hurt_.

"Go fuck yourself" Sora choked and spammed the 'end call' button.

It had started to rain. The brunette flung his head back to look at the sky; not getting up from his kneeling position. ...What the hell was that? Why? Sora closed his eyes briefly. Riku had left with hardly any warning. The cause of this was because of his family being shamed. Riku's brother had been a serious criminal. Ansem had been caught fraternizing with extremely dangerous overseas criminals; including the Japanese Yakuza. His actions caught up with him eventually. He was thrown into prison. But the consequences brought emnity to his family as well; so Riku left. Roxas' schoolmate Demyx Minohara had spiraled into a deep hole of heroin and moved to some far off trafficking organization rumored to be somewhere in South America. The cause of this had been the departure of Marluxia Takahashi who Sora hardly knew except from Riku's study groups.

And then Sora had got the call...and had to tell a just barely conscious Roxas that his legal guardian-hell might as well call whim a brother-Cloud had had a mental breakdown and was in rehabilitation on Rhode Island. Cloud's best friend Zak had contacted Roxas briefly to ask if he remembered anything. When Roxas replied in the negative; he never called again. Three months later Sora, his parents, and Roxas had flown down and the brunette had spent the remainder of their education there. Roxas had returned to Manhatten for his schooling. Cloud was happy to see all of them; he put up a cheerful happy go lucky front in front of the family. But Sora and Roxas had talked to the doctors, and the doctors said that Cloud's future was going to be very uncertain...for a very long time.

_"He won't tell us what caused him to regress..."_ Sora's furrowed his brow as the stoic-looking neurologist's face swam into his mind. _"We aren't even sure if he remembers who you all are. Cloud is very good at pretending."_

Sora knew the issue wasn't Cloud's mind. Cloud's problem lay emotionally, everyone knew it. His best friend never contacted him, never called to see how he was doing. Roxas hadn't understood it. After all, the months where Cloud and Zack had been lovers had been virtually wiped from his mind. A friend was only a friend, people came and went. Cloud was acting like someone had died and left him behind. Sora had understood. He'd seen the blonde cry out for Zack in his sleep; pale and sweating when he awoke and found himself in a room he didn't recognize.

_"….He's walking away from me…he's walking away and I can't take it….."_

Sora flinched as he remembered those late-night hysterias, those blue eyes staring out as if tortured. He remembered his cousin's look of panic as he begged Sora to come and talk to him. Roxas wouldn't tell him why Cloud wasn't recovering…but the brunette knew. And he sympathized. He had been abandoned almost as cruelly by his own friend; how couldn't he relate? Sora took a deep shaky breath...and now...now his best friend had called him. Called him in the most casual, insulting and degrading method possible.

_"I guess I wanted to say I was sorry"_

The brunette gritted his teeth and braced his palms against the grass, shivering.

"Hey...Sora...are you okay?"

Sora squinted through the raindrops to look at the huge swatch of red hair. Great. Just who he needed to see.

"I'm fine" he snapped. "Just-dropped my books."

"It must be a microscopic book that's invisible and potentially flies. You've been kneeling there for a long time looking at the sky" Axel said dryly. Sora shot him a dirty look.

"You're kind of the last person I wanna talk to about this" he said angrily.

"Well, I got something I want to talk to you about" the redhead said heavily. "I don't care where we talk about it either."

Sora snapped.

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" he shouted, standing up. "Do you know how _sick_ it makes me to look at you with my brother?! Axel why did you have to come back?! What the hell are you doing here?"

Axel; taken aback by Sora's initial explosive reaction-failed to respond for some time.

"I work here, and I've been here a hell of a lot longer than either of you" he said cooly. "If you think it's just that easy to pick up and find a new job as an overseas consultant you've put too much hot sauce on that omlette."

"Why did you have to talk to Roxas?" Sora demanded.

"Well the Dean sorta ordered it and my paycheck keeps the alcohol rolling in so-"

"-You know that's not what I mean" Sora snapped, cutting him off.

"I dunno" Axel mumbled grudgingly, scratching the back of his head. "I saw him and I wanted to run away screaming. But there was another part of me that _wanted_ to be there. And then he responded the way he did."

"-What do you mean?" Sora asked sharply.

Axel shrugged.  
"It's hard to explain ya know? Just the little things. When I said his name he got all soft and freaked out. And then when I said "just like you blondie" he literally _passed_ out-"

"Say _what?!_" Sora screeched.

Axel swallowed. Oops. Blondie hadn't told his cousin about his fainting episode.

"Uh...well I think it might have just been a coincidence. He was overheated because he woke up too late-"

"-Doooon't even try it" Sora said, waving a scolding finger at the redhead. "I've seen you cover up for Roxas waaayyy too many times." He folded his arms. "So some part of Roxas' subconscious responds to you. That I knew already." Axel looked at him in surprise.

"You do?" The brunette nodded shortly. Axel stared at him. "And _why_ don't you want us hanging out?!"

"Axel, _think_! If Roxas starts having flashbacks, he's going to have to go away for a long time. Yeah, he might remember you in the end. But do you really think he's going to want to be friends...or more again? As far as Roxas is concerned you've never had a relationship. He doesn't _know_ you. How do you think he'd feel if all those memories just stampeded him into Oblivion? How would you feel if you were suddenly barraged by a past you didn't even know you had?" Axel opened his mouth to retaliate but Sora cut him off. "Can you really do that to Roxas, Axel? It won't just fuck up his mind; it'll put his career at a standstill. Everything he's worked towards could be compromised."

"And what if it's a good thing?" Axel countered. "What if Roxas is happier? He's _happier_ with me already, I can see it!"

"He is" Sora agreed.

"So what's the damn problem!"Axel exploded. "Like _you'd_ understand. Riku been blowing up your phone since you left for Japan? How's your mushy gushy love-life going-"

"Riku left me!"Sora shouted. He drew in a deep breath. It was the first time he'd said it out loud. "He _left_ me...And now he called me...and I feel like I' m falling apart."

Whatever response Axel had expected, this was not it. The redhead's expression went from anger, to shock, to remorse. Tears had welled in Sora's eyes and he swiped angrily at them.

"I' m sorry" Axel said finally. "I'm really sorry." He took a deep breath. "But you know how I feel."

"I know" Sora laughed bitterly. "I _do_ know Axel. We' re both as desperate for the people we loved to the brink and beyond as the other. I know, and that is why I'm scared for Roxas." Axel paused, taken aback. "You would throw youself under a bus to save him; but he would never understand_why."_

"If we got to know each other..." Axel trailed.

"It's not as simple as that. There's an underlying truth that you wouldn't be able to ignore forever. And how do you think Roxas would feel, knowing you're the friend who he can't remember, plowing through rebuilding your relationship again?"

There was silence between them then and Sora saw Axel check his watch. It was getting dark now.

"What're you gonna do about Riku?" Axel asked tentatively, staring out across the grounds. Sora flinched at the personal question.

"I...was gonna pretend it never happened. If he doesn't call back-Oh God why did you have to bring that up again?" he muttered, running a hand over his face.

"Sorry, sorry" Axel sighed. "Alright, I gotta run."

"Where're you going?" Sora asked suspiciously.

The redhead grinned.

"I'm meeting a friend for bowling. Wanna come?"

Sora scowled and hitched his book bag on his shoulder.

"No thanks. I have to finish this paperwork."

"...Am I still on Roxy ban?" the redhead continued mischievously.

"If you keep calling him that, you will be" Sora chuckled, Axel grinned.

"Alright, later Sora."

"Bye Axel."

It was only much later that Sora realized Roxas had said he was going bowling after dinner earlier that day. Trapped in a mountain of paperwork with visions of a redhead ravishing his cousin; Sora could only curse Axel's name and grudgingly admit that he was good. Really good.

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Thanks for reading! Please review and comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

**Yaoi Warning: **Look up the first word if you don't know it. Lemon alert for later chapters.

**Pairings:** AkuRoku|Soriku|Zloud| The rest I'll let you put together on your own.

**Additional Notes:** I'm soo sorry this is so late, I had a sudden and very unexpected move and my whole schedule went to hell for a few days and I will admit that I've just been pushing back trying to get on .

I didn't realize that ch 3 had some format issues till I posted it. I was running late and it all flew out of my head.

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**Chapter 4**

_"You make me unpopular here."_

"Oi!"

Roxas frowned and raised an eyebrow, turning his back from the ball rolling down the bowling lane to look at the redhead standing behind him shaking his head.

"Something wrong?" he asked lightly.

"Hnn" Axel pouted. "Ne, didn't I tell ya to move with the throw? Aim a little better!"

Roxas scowled. He was going against pretty much everything he had set himself up for in the last twenty-six years of his life. Never once in high school had he agreed to go bowling with anyone. The blonde threw an irritable look at the lights around him. It was the principle of it; loud, bright and fried food simply didn't go with his karma. On good days it found him drunk and wandering empty streets singing kumbaya. There was a frightening part of him that desperately wanted company in any possible way; and it was only prevalent when he was intoxicated.

"You do it then" Roxas snapped. "I bet you can't top me." He threw himself into the uncomfortable plastic chair next to their table.

"Psh, not even a strike? I can do better than that!"

He did.

The bowling alley had turned out to be a decent spot. It was about a block away from the college on a busy street, smilar to the one with the sashimi shop. The building was rectangular; with the lanes and seating areas on a separate "level." Railings ran continuously along the drop-off and separated each kiosk. They sported gaps every once in a while at the tops for stairs with viewing seats on either side. The bar and locker rooms for professional competitors were in the front. The prevalent color was blue; perimeter walls sporting neon azure piping. The walkway between the bar and the kiosks was stuffed full of people talking or navigating their way through.

Roxas watched their scores scroll across the screen a while later; Axel had gone to get a beer. There was another factor that had kept him from going out and getting totally blitzed. It was more than likely the reason Roxas hadn't flunked out of college. A short, blue-haired local sauntered by in skinny jeans and waved at the blonde before taking a drink from his friend. Roxas blushed and looked down. He had figured out that girls weren't cutting it for him in middle school. It hadn't been an easy discovery; he never told anyone. Sora had put two and two together after the accident but otherwise Roxas had never announced himself publicly.

"Ooh, excuse me beautiful."

Roxas felt a twinge of irritation as the azure-haired man blushed furiously with the redhead's comment. Axel threw him a wink and jumped the railing next to their kiosk. That was another problem. Roxas grimaced; as if he didn't have enough issues already. Axel was his type to an extent that was nearly ludicrous. He was witty, smart, attractive, domineering and non-judgmental.

"You okay, Blondie?"

Green eyes burned blue before Roxas winced and looked away. Guys like Axel were rarely ever single. Hell, they hardly ever swung that way in any case.

"Yeah, I 'm fine."

Roxas stood to pick up his ball, moving towards the lane decisively. He wasn't going to worry about it. Having someone to hang out with was nice, especially in an area where he didn't know anybody.

"Hey, want to go get something to eat?"

The blonde yelped. Axel had come up behind him without warning.

"Sure" he said, hefting his ball under one arm.

"Here" Axel said, taking said item from him and placing it in one of the holders. He then beckoned him up the steps. "I hear their french fries are to die for, c'mon Roxy."

"Don't call me that!" the blonde snapped. Passing the blue-haired man earned Axel a saucy look and Roxas a glare. He bit back a grin. "You make me unpopular here." The redhead glanced back.

"What? Oh" he snickered. "Yeah...I've been around."

Roxas paused momentarily. Well, maybe he did swing that way. At least partially. And he might be available.

_"But is he available in the way I want him to be?"_ Roxas thought, looking darkly at the slender redhead parting the crowd before him.

He was too old for a fling, but he didn't know how old Axel was. For all he knew the guy could be several years younger, unattached and enjoying sex just as fervently as the next exploratory man out there. Roxas wasn't looking for a one night stand. That had all ended once he'd got his college diploma. It'd been fun, but it wasn't worth keeping up for the rest of his life. Axel didn't talk about himself half as much as the blonde would have liked, and Sora's disapproval of him was always lurking in the back of his mind. His cousin rarely disliked anyone. A mass murderer could ask him for a lollipop and there was a high chance Sora would deliver. There must have been something really off about Axel that Sora just couldn't ignore. And Roxas was wary of that.

"Two orders of french fries please and two bourbons."

Roxas jerked himself out of his mental thundercloud to find himself sitting at the bar next to Axel.

"Uhm, I don't drink. And alcohol and french fries just sounds horrible."

Axel grinned.

"You might be surprised, I personally think it's amazing."

Roxas raised an eyebrow.

"After how many beers?"

"Hey! I like it _immediately_ I don't go after anything after my fourth drink it just destroys my purposes for alcoholism."

The blonde pursed his lips.

"So you drink often?"

Axel's face grew shadowed for a moment. The bartender pushed the two drinks at them along with a large plate of fries.

"I...didn't always. Just since I was legal. My twenty first birthday kinda sucked and I went a little overboard. So after that it was just a habit I guess...I try not to think about it."

"What happened on your twenty first birthday?" Roxas asked.

The redhead didn't answer immediately. Instead he downed the bourbon and signaled for another; popping a french fry in his mouth.

"My Mum died" he finally said, not meeting Roxas eyes. "It was kinda sudden."

There was a minute of awkward silence.

"Shit, I'm really sorry" Roxas said quickly. "Didn't mean to pry."

"Nah, don't be" the redhead replied, shaking his head. "She was bad on the alcohol. I mean really bad. It's what killed her. I'd been overseas a while and heard about it from family." He stared morosly into his glass. "Never went to the funeral. Didn't see a reason to." Roxas didn't know what to say, so he unconciously took a sip of his drink. "My life hasn't been all that easy" Axel chuckled. He shot a self-conscious glance at Roxas and his eyes seemed to narrow, as if looking at him caused him pain. "I suppose no one has the Easy Street though."

It turned out that none of Axel's life could really be classified as 'easy.' Roxas sat there for the best of three hours listening to the redhead talk about his life. It turned out that with a few drinks he was pretty free about his past. Axel had been born and raised in the Bronx until his father had gotten shot point-blank in the head.

"I wassstanding at thedoor waiting forrhim...to come home" he muttered, slurring a bit form the alcohol. They'd had about six bourbons each by that time. "Annd he walkks in the door righ?" Roxas nodded. "Welll I was all happy to see him and all that. And-and _then_ I hear this *bang*...annd my old man jus falssover, blood's just gushing out everywhere nd m' screaming hysterically and myMum jus-just closes the door on him! I mean slamms it in...in his fuckin' face right? Though now that I think back n' it Ithink she was jus' tryin to protect me...sssooo then we had to move."

"That sucks" Roxas mumbled, watching the neon lighting swirl in front of him.

"Annnd then, annd then get this! In HighSchool, I lost m'bestfriend."

The blonde felt very nearly moved to tears.

"Wow man, I'm sorry" he choked. Shit. He was really drunk. "I shhould go…"

"N-no" Axel pleaded, catching his arm as he slid off the stool. This ensued both of them falling off their seats and onto the floor.

"Oww" Roxas groaned, rubbing where his head had collided with the carpet. Axel was staring blearily at the ceiling above them.

_"Oi!_Roxas recognized the bartender bending over him. _"Yame nasai!_

He realized vaguely that he had no idea what the elder individual was saying. In Japan, this probably wouldn't end very well. Axel was laughing hysterically at nothing at all. The blonde wondered absentmindedly if Sora had been right about the redhead. Soon he wasn't too focused on this, however. He was suddenly aware of being dragged across the floor with one hand. Some very burly bouncers had decided enough was enough and it just wasn't good charisma to have two intoxicated individuals lying about on the floor looking at nothing in particular. The street hit Roxas hard enough to allow him to attempt to stand. A pale, slender-fingered hand proffered help and he took it.

He was suddenly very aware of deep-deep green eyes staring down into his. Oh, so it was Axel who had helped him up…Axel who was still looking like some sort of god despite being drunk off his ass… Axel who's mouth was incredibly close…Axel whose breath was slowly ghosting over his lips…Axel whom he was no very sure was going to be a one-way street with no possible return.

"Roxas?"

Something snapped in the blonde then. A feeling that had been held on iron tenterhooks broke free and ran howling into some euphemistic wasteland with complete abandonment. One minute he was looking into Axel's eyes. The next he was kissing the redhead as if tomorrow wouldn't come and today was pretty darn close to over. Those often sardonic looking lips were just as soft as he'd imagined them to be; more so. Roxas felt a sense of desperation and anxiety as the redhead stood their frozen. Some part of him feared rejection from this man to such a great extent it was terrifying to him. Seconds seem to slip by as he attempted to coax seemingly immobile lips into submission. And then those perfect and beautiful fingers slid around Roxas' waist. And Axel kissed him back.

It was a Sandstorm.

Roxas felt scorched by his mouth; fire roaring up from depths that he had thought impossible to attain. His head suddenly felt too heavy on his neck and he heard himself whimper desperately; as if from far away. A thumb stroked his cheek, sending white-hot tendrils shuddering into his nerves. It was desperate and nothing close to delicate. Both of them were too plastered to care about being romantic or gentle. For Roxas it was like coming home. Axel was everywhere. In him, through him and without him. Axel was there as he gasped for air between kisses that were becoming increasingly more inappropriate for a public setting. Axel was there with skilled fingers raking through the blonde's hair; Axel was there with an expression of absolutely wild desire and pain to a point that Roxas could feel it radiating from his skin. He paused, confused for a second. Why was Axel in pain? Didn't they do this all the time? Wait-_all the time?!_ They'd only just met a few days ago! Roxas stumbled back from the redhead with a gasp; catching himself on a pillar. What the _hell_ was he doing?!

"Fuck" he muttered, drawing a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Axel was standing with a blank look on his face. For some reason this threw Roxas off even more. "I'm sorry" he said desperately. "I've had enough to drink. I think I'd better go home."

The redhead didn't reply and the blonde was at a complete loss and too embarrassed to stay there. Wheeling around he made his hasty retreat from the bowling alley. His mind was reeling and so was his vision. What a stupid thing to do. Why…? Roxas was never careless. This was a whole new level of recklessness he wasn't accustomed to. Roxas didn't go out with friends. Roxas didn't go out with friends and drink. _Roxas_ didn't go out with friends, drink, get blitzed, and make out with them. The blonde stumbled and fell into a trash-heap in-between two houses. Somebody shouted something in Japanese, Roxas ignored it. Some vague and faraway part of him told him to call Sora but he was just too tired. The sky spun above him in a chaos of stars, thrown leagues away into Oblivion. Axel wouldn't talk to him now. For some reason this bothered him. Why did this guy mean so much anyway? It was weird. His phone rang somewhere but Roxas couldn't find his pockets. Instead, sleep found him first; whatever happened before or after was irrelevant to the darkness that claimed his mind.

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This is a chapter I wasn't fully satisfied with. For one, the bar scene was really hard to write. You may notice I had trouble through the 'drunken' segment. In addition, I had to go back and rewrite the scene where they were thrown out several times; I'm still not happy with it. It happened really fast and I just couldn't think of any fill-in or dialogue to space it out. Also, this chapter was very short...I'm moving, so I suppose I have a valid-ish excuse. But I apologize if this chapter is mediocre.

Thanks for reading! Expect the next installment around the same time next week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

R&R ^^

**Author's Note:** There's a bit of a recap with a conversation that occurs between Sora and Axel. I really have to emphasize my regret for not continuing/putting more effort into my previous fanfiction. The emotional depth of the exchange is really only understandable within that context. The only justification I have for this is the aforementioned implication of deep friendship and love between Axel and Roxas. The discussion opens up the fact that Sora and Axel's feelings for the people they care about mirror each other; thus leaving little room for resentment between the them.

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**Chapter 5**

_"You'll understand the hopelessness of having absolutely nothing to exist for."_

Axel was pretty sure that Roxas had just kissed him.

Then again, it had been over so fast his brain had hardly any time to register the fact that he was locked in a mini make-out session to react properly. He had vaguely realized that Roxas was surprised-upset-and then gone. But the redhead's lips were still burning from that all-encompassing kiss and his head was so mixed up with alcohol he could barely see straight.

How long had he fantasized about that moment? That reuniting kiss that lead to so many things afterwards-the kiss that repaired every broken feeling- the kiss that made everything that was wrong better again….

"Fuck, I'm so drunk" Axel slurred; attempting to prop himself up against the wall next to the alley.

...The problem was that this kiss had happened way too soon. Yeah, it was great to know that Roxas was still into guys. Axel had watched the blonde's eyes follow his every move like a magnet. The blue-eyed man was mature enough to know his type...and _boy_ was he horrible at hiding a crush. Axel knew he was ideal for Roxas, and so did Roxas.

_"But Sora's right"_ said a niggling and moralistic part of his brain. _"What happens when Roxas remembers or someone tells him who you are?"_

Axel covered his eyes in exasperation. Could he deal with rejection twice? What if Roxas didn't want anything to do with him? Something like that might not be tolerable the second time around. A droplet of rain smacked the redhead in the nose, bringing him from his world musings back into his slightly muzzy reality.

"Should probably call Sora" he muttered, fumbling for his pockets. It took a few tries, but he managed to open his phone and locate the brunette's number. "Wonder if it's still the same" he mumbled, pressing ***dial***.

"...What, Axel?"

The voice on the other end of the line was weary and consternating. The redhead almost felt bad for being the harbinger of bad news.

"S-ssora. Didd Roxass make it home?"

"I just got home, and no he hasn't" was the exhausted reply. "I called him a few minutes ago. Why? Isn't he with you?"

Axel covered his forehead with a hand in order to shade his eyes from the glaring halogen lights.

"Llook Ssora, you shoul probably know that he started it-"

"-My god, you're completely trashed" Sora groaned. "Not that I'm not used to it. But seriously Axel. You couldn't think of a better place to take Roxas than a _bowling alley?_"

Axel bit back a grin.

"Welllllllll I sure ash hell wasn't going to ask him to the mall."

"No, no I suppose you're right. Anyway, what were you saying about Roxas?"

"I dunno where he is" Axel mumbled. "He kind of ran off."

There was silence on the other end and Axel knew he had hit a nerve.

"May I ask _why_?" was the deadly quiet response.

"Uh, no. You may not."

"Fine. Any idea where he may have gone?"

"Not far, he's worse off than me."

"You took my cousin to a bowling alley, got him drunk off his ass, and then _lost_ him?!"

"I didn't _lose_ him he ran away damnit!" Axel snapped, the rain reviving his senses slightly. "Anyway, have any idea where he might have gone?"

"No, but I'll come and help you look" there was the sound of a car door slamming. "I'm assuming you're at the bowling alley closest to M, correct?"

"Yeah" Axel said. "We got thrown out though."

"You _-what?!_-Never mind. I don't want to know. I'll be there in five minutes."

"Okie Dokie."

Axel snapped his phone shut and glanced up and down the street. It was pretty late, three in the morning. A lot of the more night-life oriented shops were already closed down. The bowling alley behind him was shutting off its lights; people were flooding out. Masami, the blue-haired individual from earlier shot the redhead a sultry look before sashaying away with a large group of people. The redhead suppressed an inward shudder before checking his pockets for his wallet, locating it in his back pocket. That was a plus. He'd lost his wallet several times beforehand on nights like this.

The rain was coming down harder now, obscuring the shapes of umbrella-carrying pedestrians on the opposite side of the street. Axel shivered and tugged helplessly at the black turtleneck that was no hopelessly stuck to his body. He hadn't anticipated a downpour; a rain jacket would have been nice. There was a grumble of wheels and the screech of brakes as a taxi pulled up alongside him. The redhead jumped back to avoid getting water on his sneakers. Sora jumped out, saying something in fast Japanese to the driver who nodded his thanks and peeled off the curb and back into the street.

"I've got an extra umbrella" the brunette snapped, pulling said item out of a large backpack. "Once we find Roxas you'll have to give it to him though."

"I'll take it for now" Axel muttered, stumbling slightly as he accepted the umbrella. "I'm...not in great shape for a search right now."

"I don't really care" Sora said lightly. "You invited Roxas, so you're going to partake in the responsibility of finding him. If you don't sleep tonight it's your own damn fault. Which way did he go?"

"Down that alley" Axel said, plodding unsteadily in the direction he remembered last seeing the blond. "God...Sora. I feel like shit."

"He can't have gone far, like you said" the brunette replied, taking the lead. "Are you going to tell me what caused his disappearance yet?"

"...No. I think that would be up to Roxas and not me." The street wavered threateningly in front of him. The alleyway was a mess of hissing vents and garbage heaps. In his current state, it was enough to make Axel feel like losing those french fries from earlier. Picking his way through the trash bins, the redhead followed Sora into an adjacent darker alley. "You know.." he continued, wiping a banana peel from his shoe. "You've changed a lot."

Sora faltered before glancing back at Axel.

"What do you mean?" He shrugged.

"Well...back in NY, you were always so carefree. I mean, sometimes I thought you were kinda retarded."

"I resent that" Sora snapped.

"You're more serious now" Axel continued. "What changed?"

He watched as Sora took inventory of where they were, also presumably contemplating his response.

"I...haven't changed that much" the brunette said quietly. "I don't mean to be so rude with you Axel...I just don't like the fact that you've just waltzed your way back into my family's' life without so much as a thought. I'm sure you've thought it through but if you really had, you wouldn't be here." He shifted uncomfortably. "Besides...when your best friend and lover of sixteen years just leaves you and never contacts you...it's sobering."

"He just contacted you now" Axel reminded him. "Well...a few hours ago."

Sora's eyes narrowed into slits, as if remembrance of the event caused him pain.

"And?"

"Is it still sobering?"

Sora chuckled.

"Soo unfair of you Axel." He took a deep breath. "But no, it's completely the opposite."

"And there's no part of you that wants to resume contact? Despite that feeling?"

"Of course there is" the brunette huffed. "Axel...I was with Riku longer than you have ever known anyone except your Mum. We weren't romantically involved until about two months before the scandal involving Ansem. There was no room for our relationship to evolve before it was over. That's sixteen years of nothing but friendship; and suddenly you realize you love someone and it's like getting hit in the face with a nuclear nurf ball on steroids. And then it's over and..." his voice shook. "It's the same thing...except painful."

"Getting hit by a nuclear nurf ball is painful whether it wants to be romantically involved with you or not" Axel reminded him.

"You know what I'm talking about" Sora pouted. "Falling in love is painful because it's beautiful and you think you're crazy. Falling out of love is painful because it is ugly and it makes you think you're crazy."

"Actually, I don't know" Axel pointed out. "The person I love I had feelings for the minute I learned about the birds and the bees."

"You get my gist" Sora muttered.

The alley before them was growing increasingly clogged. Axel's stomach flip flopped painfully as a rat skittered out of a rubbage heap in front of them and disappeared.

"Oh, newsflash" the redhead continued. "Riku loved you long before you were aware of the possibility of any romantic involvement-"

"-I don't wanna to talk about this anymore" Sora said, his face pale.

Axel fell silent, glancing up at the cloudy sky. It was getting light. His niggling anxiety deepened into mild panic.

"We should have found Roxas by now" he muttered. "I'm such an ass."

"You said 'he started it'" Sora pointed out.

"Yeah well, I took the bait so to speak" Axel muttered.

"Oooh Axel" came a familiar voice from nearby. "Actually admitting an err are we?"

Both the redhead and Sora stared disgustedly at the blonde lounging in a pile of foliage clippings. Roxas looked as though he was still running on whatever they had consumed that night, and Axel felt a pang of guilt. Blue eyes flickered in dim recognition of him as he aided the brunette in pulling his cousin out of the alleyway. Roxas tended to have blackouts when it came to

"You. Are. An. Idiot." Sora said, clipping the end off of each word. "Two hours I have had to deal with this guy here. All he does is talk! I didn't get to talk at all."

"Are we done here?" Axel asked tightly, pressing a hand over his aching forehead. "Because I have a feeling I'm gonna be calling in sick tomorrow."

"If _either_ of you call in sick, the Dean will know exactly why" Sora snapped. "Both of you deserve one day to deal with the consequences of your actions."

"Hmmm, Sora's in a bad moood" Roxas chortled, leaning on his cousin's shoulder. "Are you jealous 'cuz I know how to parteh?"

"I'm angry because I have to go to work in an hour and I smell like a dumpster and have had zero sleep searching for my cousin who is two years my senior" Sora snarled.

"Whatever" Axel groaned, leaning against a wall for support. "I'm goin' home. Report me if you want Sora. I am _not_ spending tomorrow puking my guts out in a staff lav."

He didn't wait to see if Sora responded and didn't have the heart to even look at Roxas. Dropping the umbrella on the ground, Axel made his way back to the main road. His head felt as if it should be sixteen times its appropriate and acceptable size. How he managed to call a taxi and communicate his address he had no idea. The driver was saying something in Japanese, but Axel didn't have the energy to keep up with a conversation.

"_Sumimasen!_I'm so tired. I appreciate you talking to me, but I've had a rough night."

"Ahhh" the driver said knowingly. "No problem."

_"Arigatou..."_

He leaned his head back against the seat, staring up at the lightening sky. Roxas probably wouldn't talk to him ever again. Maybe that was for the best. Axel closed his eyes and hummed along to the tune by STARISH coming out of the speakers. He seemed capable of repeatable self-debauchery...maybe it was a habit. The redhead jumped as his phone buzzed. Flipping it open revealed a text from the last person he'd expected to hear from.

_***Roxas: Gomenasai...***_

Axel grinned.

_***Daijyoubu desu blondie***_

*Roxas: ...Mata…atode aimashou?*

*Hai! ^^ Goshinpai naku. Ikanakutewa narimasen. Oyasumi nasai!*

*Roxas: Oyasumi nasai bro*

"We are here sir" came the myopically pleasant voice of his driver.

"Thanks" Axel said, taking some yen out of his pocket.

The redhead couldn't help but wonder if he was completely lucky, or very severely unlucky. Trudging up the stairs to his apartment he couldn't help but think it was the latter.

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"You punk ass little Westerner!"

There was a lot of blood. He observed this quietly as he knelt on the floor of the cargo hold next to the docks. Then again, he'd seen a lot of it in his time in Japan, so it wasn't all that unusual. Being a foreigner in a gang was not the greatest way to make a buck-but desperation could drive a man to do crazy stuff. He was pretty sure that he had left the definition of crazy far behind him several months ago.

"Niisan, why don't we just kill this ignorant slob and throw his body in the Pacific?" came the snide voice.

"He's too valuable" came the smooth reply. "Ne, he's good at what he does. He knows the streets."

He coughed, trying to stop his nose from flooding the ground underneath him. Silver hair framed a porcelain face with aquamarine eyes, blazing defiantly at the group of men in front of him. Riku sneered, aware that the effect was slightly diminished with a split lip.

"I fucked up, okay?" he rasped. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hira, your goons mess up all the time. I hardly think this is necessary."

There were angry grumbles within the group. Several knuckles were cracked threateningly.

"For that comment" Hira said, lounging lazily on top of some wooden crates. "You get five more minutes of punishment." Amethyst eyes flashed with amusement. "Be careful with that tongue...it's going to get ripped out someday."

There was an appreciative snicker from the group, and then his view of Hira was blocked as he was surrounded again. Riku chuckled and lowered his head, watching from the corner of his eye as a pair of brass knuckles collided with his collarbone.

...This was getting old. Something made violent contact with the back of his head and black spots bloomed in front of his retinas.

"I'm going to get a drink" Hira said lazily. "_Do_ attempt to keep him in one piece until I get back."

There was the sound of footsteps receding. For a minute, the blows stopped. He could hear them whispering to each other. There was a ripple of obvious protests, fear evident in every hoarse whisper. Then someone overrode the rest with a harsh word-speaking quickly and urgently. Riku smirked and tilted his head back-looking at the arced ceiling of the warehouse. There was a quiet shuffling as they moved to surround him again and he let his neck swing foward. It seemed that the air was holding its breath-if that was possible...-and then bright arcs of white exploded behind Riku's already closed eyelids. Ah, well, those must have been the brass knuckles. He thought this vaguely as he slumped to the side-nerves failing to respond to his distant but desperate remaining pride.

"You're going to get us all killed!" came an angry voice. "You know how Boss values him."

"If I do it, what can he do?" came the voice who had spoken before. "I'm his brother; I'll just say it was an accident."

Riku grinned inwardly, unable to properly command his facial muscles to move anymore. He had struck true this time. Getting into the Yakuza was not an easy task, especially for a foreigner. When it came to murder-for-hire, it turned out a lot of people liked their work done second-hand, or even third hand. Riku was an extension of this third hand. Hira was his boss, as long as he did the work right, the pay was excellent. Most of the time...sometimes 'mistakes' happened. 'Mistakes' like the boss's brother forgetting to check their cover, nearly blowing a highly political job out of the water, and then blaming it on the 'inefficient foreigner.' Mistakes like telling the boss that Riku had left an entire section of the building plan un-patrolled because he was too lazy to give the orders. These errors usually led to gang humiliation which usually led to a lot of blood and sometimes death. A newer recruit two years previous had been laced up in a shrimp net and left to rot out in the mid-summer sun until the police came and took his gangrenous body down. That was for telling a joke that was slightly off-color. And yet, Riku seemed to always slip by. Hira had been lenient with him.

A carefully placed blow lost him his consciousness. Floating in an endless well of blackness; it seemed that his time had run out. Some part of him dimly registered that his body had fallen to the floor; as if hearing it from a great distance away. If he could have laughed, he would have. This was so fitting for him-a killer...a criminal. There were no flashbacks of previous happier moments of his existence, it was as if Fate had acknowledged Riku as a failure before he'd even died.

_"I have nothing to lose..."_

It was so dark...everything was muffled; the pain was receding into a soundless oblivion of mortality. Who had said that to him? Why...? There was so much that he hadn't figured out. And yet...he wasn't sure if he wanted the answer...the answer to what...? He tried to lift his hand but it was like trying to lift an iron bar. Every muscle had turned against him-did his body even belong to him anymore?

"I have nothing to lose, Riku."

_His brother was sitting in front of him, staring out behind glass that was so thick it looked suffocating. The orange jumpsuit was painfully bright against that starkly pale skin. Orange eyes stared out in a dull madness._

"I...don't understand, Ansem"

_That's right...it had been the only time he had cried for his brother. Riku had never felt pity for such a ruthless individual until he was behind bars for the rest of his life and six other lifetimes. It was also the only time he had truly hated his brother with everything that defined who he was. ...Why? Even then, he didn't know._

"Someday you will. You'll understand the hopelessness of having absolutely nothing to exist for."

"You could have existed for us...you could have existed for Mum and Tifa, or me! You're such a dick Ansem! Weren't you the one who told me to get off my ass when I was lying in bed starving myself because of unrequited love?! How can you even turn around and say you have nothing to live for?"

_The eyes had blinked... For a minute, it seemed as if regret and remorse still lingered there. And then it was gone again. Someone knocked on the door behind him, he shouted something rude._

"Someday you'll understand...little bro."

_He was so angry, so angry. And his tears burned. He regretted them even as he shed them._

"You're not my brother! I hope I never see you again! Never again! I hope you die in that cell! You've shamed our whole family, so much that Tifa almost got killed going to school! We have to move because of you-you selfish prick! I have to leave-I have to leave..."

_**Leave who?**_

_Waves. The waves were roaring against the walls of the cave. The sun filtered in through the entrance, lighting normally onyx-colored walls into rainbow hews of blue, purple and sea-green. The shadow of a palm tree danced against the sandy floor; wind whistling through leaves like the softest and longest of sighs._

"Riku..."

_He couldn't see who was talking to him. It was like looking into a once brilliant painting that was covered with dust. Someone laughed, and the laugh was everywhere, it was like sunlight and moonlight and tasteless pain spilling out like blood from a mortal wound. There was a touch on his arm and then it was gone._

"Look! Look what I drew!"

_Who was it? Why? Sapphire eyes blinked and then disappeared into some corner of his subconscious. Blue. Incredibly Blue. Like the ocean that was singing its lament to the shore._

"I love you."

_Nothing...nothing was whole anymore. Those eyes were gone from him. That childish sunlight was eternal darkness staring out on a blank horizon._

"Don't go"

_ ...Watching his mother spiral into madness from a son who would never see the light of day without handcuffs chained to his wrists. A daughter who had fled to Europe to be with a man she had never met. So...so scandalous._

"...Don't forget."

_How could he forget? The pain was always there, it was always present. Like a parasite that had latched onto his soul...there was always an ache. Lose it all and gain it all. Why did he call him? Was it even important? How much damage had he caused just by pressing a few buttons and speaking? Somehow…destruction followed him like a plague._

Sirens were blaring somewhere in the distance. Feet were thundering past his prone body. Why? Death was so easy. But the blackness was opening up into a blinding halogen light. People in masks were using tools to bring him back into reality.

_I don't want to live_

But I don't want to die without you.

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_Gomenasai_ = Sorry  
_Daijyoubu desu_ = "No worries!"  
_Mata atode aimashou_ = "See you tomorrow"  
_Hai! Goshinpai naku. Ikanakutewa narimasen. Oyasumi nasai_ = "Yes! Don't Worry. I have to go now. Goodnight/Goodnight and Sweet Dreams depending on translation."  
_Oyasumi nasai bro_= Same thing except with bro on the end.

Please like and comment!

Look for the next installment next week at this same time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

**Note:** A lot of people pair Zack with Angeal, so I understand that I'm moving slightly out of the circles by pairing Cloud with Zack. I've never been able to envision Zack as an uke. Simply because his personality is extremely strong and very dynamic. So, **Zloud** warning.

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**Chapter 6**

_"My brain cannot get any more fucked up."_

Sora's phone was so loud. Slumped over a bunsen burner in the middle of a lab, the brunette narrowly missed catching himself on fire. He hadn't slept at all. Getting Roxas home had been hard. For one, his cousin was adamant about staying right where he was in a garbage heap, but Sora just wasn't having that. In no way would he let another family member ruin his reputation by sleeping in someone's tree-pruning aftermath. And then, he'd had to stand at the curb with his swaying and slurring sibling watching taxis that were off duty or occupied roll past with a despairing expression. At that point, Sora had concluded his night couldn't get any worse. And then Roxas puked on his shoes.

He'd had to pay for the damage done to the floor of the taxi. The brunette blew a rogue strand of hair out of his face. Roxas didn't normally display such irrational irresponsibility. Yeah, he'd been unpopular at school; but that was because of his history. Sora couldn't count how many times he had punched someone for calling his brother crazy. Yeah, losing your memory threw you pretty far out of the 'normal' loop. But that didn't make you nuts-it just made you very unfortunate. Either way, Roxas was called to the office because he was 'antisocial' or 'failed to respond to questions in class.' College had been different, but the blonde had gone out of his way to make sure that any young-adult frivolity he choosed to partake in didn't affect those at home.

It was very hard to look positively at Axel in times like these.

It had taken Sora nearly half an hour to get Roxas home and in bed; and then another half and hour to shower and go to work. Someone had decided it was his day to look over the specimens being kept in the fridge and then his boss had told him to fool around with a plant stigma under a microscope. How this had ended up with him nearly frying himself with lab equiptment he wasn't sure. He remembered thinking something along the lines of flammable osmosis. Sora had vowed to never, ever come to work on zero sleep ever again. It just wan't safe.

Turning the burner off, the brunette lifted the phone to his ear; mentally telling himself that no, there was no way such a device could feel like it weighed as much as a crowbar.

"Hello?" he said wearily.

"Sora Hikari?" came the voice on the other end.

"Yes" the brunette replied, groping for a pen and a notepad. "Sora Hikari of M Research Labs and Educational Facilities. Can I help you?"

"We were wondering if you had time to come by the hospital this afternoon." Sora felt his face drain of color. This didn't have anything to do with Roxas, did it? "There was some heavy gang activity down by the harbor last night. One of the members was nearly dead when the police arrived. He's mostly stable, but we're having trouble with contradictions pertaining to blood type. If his wounds reopen we will need to order a transfusion, but his labs are controversial."

Sora felt his interest pique despite his exhaustion.

"Controversial how so?"

"His body initially displays having O type blood, but when we leave the test to sit for five minutes there's an unquestionable switch to A. None of our lab employees can grasp it."

The brunette took the device away from his ear and stared at it incredulously. He then checked his service. It was perfect.

"Sorry" he said slowly. "I could have sworn you said that you left the patient's blood samples out in room-temperature conditions for five minutes. My phone must have gone out on me for a few seconds."

"No, you heard me right ."

Sora rolled his eyes.

"Let me ask my boss, I should be able to get there either today or tomorrow. I'm a bit tied up at the moment."

"Completely understandable . Please let us know when you arrive so we can direct you to the room."

"Thanks!" Sora chirped.

He set his phone down and glanced at the specimen he was supposed to be observing. It needed to be refrigerated again. Sighing exasperatedly, the brunette stalked over to the fridge and set the tray inside; shivering against the blast of cold air.

"Sora, can I help you with anything?" his boss peeked around the corner, thick spectacles nearly obscuring any semblance he had of eyes; white hair sticking out in all directions.

"No Sir" Sora sighed. "The hospital called and they want someone to look into the blood type of a patient they've just gotten. It's a simple solution and I'm not going to waste my time on it today. I'm too tired."

The old man blinked.

"Well, why don't you go now?! Goodness boy, don't you know that it's bad business to take a long time doing things in this field?"

Sora flinched.

"But...Sir, I just told you that it's a trivial matter-"

Large, bespectacled eyes became larger and more frightening bespectacled eyes.

"-Trivial! Trivial! You don't even get to say something is _trivial _when you've been in this field as long as I have! The fact that you are attempting to put this off until tomorrow is also trivial; as you will have to do it anyway! Be back by six o'clock tomorrow if you've found a solution to this, Sora!"

Sora couldn't help it; he grinned.

"Thanks sir."

The old man's head disappeared again and Sora began to clean up his equipment. The lab where he worked was within M University's property. The entire campus was laid out like a pinwheel; with dormitories externally and administrative buildings right at the center. Great, expansive stretches of green grass dotted with gingko trees and sandy-colored sidewalks overlay the empty spaces between buildings. Sora had taken a great interest in the University primarily because of its overall geographical appeal. Roxas had scoffed and said it looked like something dredged up from the depths of a bad independent film.

Walking out of the Science and Agriculture building; Sora took a right, making his way to the main entrance via the dormitories. The city around the university was modernized Japan at its finest. The culture was excellent, the food was excellent-

"Heeey gorgeous" a blue-haired boy waved from the entrance to one of the fraternities, his black Gigli t-shirt in stark contrast with neon blue boxers. Sora blushed.

-the night life was..._unbelievable_.

Sora had to wait a long time to get a cab. Shivering, the brunette pulled his fall jacket closer around him; watching as the cab driver he had hailed pulled back out into the street with a look of disdain. Being a foreigner was hard, especially a Westerner. It was understandable behavior; reputations often preceded the people who visited or lived in areas of strict tradition and values.

_"Ohaiyo Gozaimasou."_

Sora breathed a sigh of relief as a cab finally pulled up to the curb.

"_Konnichiwa_, I need to get to the hospital please"

_"Daijyoubu desu."_

The streets were full of other taxis and bicyclists riding to unknown destinations. Some of them were hurried, others weren't. The rain from the night before had cleared up, but the sky was still a forbidding sheet of iron, grey and miserable. Skyscrapers seemed to reach up into an endless horizon of illusionary swaying nothingness. By the time they pulled up to the hospital; Sora was thoroughly depressed. He thanked and paid the driver, and then stepped out next to the doors of General Admissions. As the automatic glass doors shut behind him; the receptionist looked up and smiled. She had very pretty dark eyes and long brown hair tied back in a tail. She also happened to be Riku's sister.

"Hey Sora, what's up?"

" I was asked by the Lab to come and look at the test results of a patient who is currently in the ICU."

"One moment please honey. Have a seat if you so wish."

Sora obliged and sat down in one of the green chairs facing a television broadcasting the local weather. It was several minutes before the receptionist spoke to him again.

"You awake Sora?" he nodded. "One of our technicians, Leon Honda will be with you shortly. If you need anything, let me know." She smiled. "We're very glad to have your help here."

Sora smiled despite his exhaustion.

"Thanks Tifa." Her gaze faltered.

"How are you…really, Sora."

The brunette winced.

"I'm fine…" he sighed. "Just…" he grinned weakly and made a 'so-so' motion with the palm of his hand. Tifa nodded understandingly, looking around surriptitiously before leaning in to whisper in Sora's ear.

"There's something you should know about the patient. He-"

She stood up abruptly at the sound of walking footsteps. A man-presumably the aforementioned technician-walked into the room. He had brown hair that was tied back-Sora couldn't judge its length- presumably for sanitary purposes. His eyes were the same color as Sora's, deep blue. He was wearing a white lab coat over scrubs and sporting red reading glasses and a clipboard.

"Sora Hikari?" said individual nodded for what felt like the umpteenth time. "Nice to meet you, I'm Leon Honda. We're very glad to have you with us today."

"Likewise" Sora replied, standing up. "Is there anything important I should know?" Leon glanced at his clipboard again.

"The patient remains in stabilized condition. We do ask that you keep his identity a secret; the authorities who brought him in believe he is or was closely associated with the Yakuza. It is my understanding that once he recovers he will be brought in for questioning and information." He handed Sora the clipboard he'd been carrying. "This is an agreement to respect our requests for patient privacy. If you feel you can't live up to these expectations we'll find someone else."

"I'm fine with it" Sora said, scribbling his name down hastily. "Should we go right to the labs?"

"If you like" he shrugged. "I don't know how far your credentials go, so it might be in your best interests to observe the patient first."

"I didn't study anything in the medical field" Sora said dryly. "I'm strictly bio, I'll do my best but I can't guarantee observation is going to do either of us any good. The solution to this problem is simple, I could give you the answer here and now if you like."

"But that would be...unprofessional" Leon said slowly.

Sora closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"...If you think my observance and work in the lab are necessary I would be happy to aquiesce."

Leon glanced over at Tifa, who faltered, and then spread a smile across her face to hide her concern.

"Take him up to the patient" she said cheerfully. "The poor guy looks like he could use some company other than you stuffy doctors anyway."

"Alright" Leon chuckled. "Thanks for letting me know babe."

"See you in the evening" she chirped, turning away to answer a phone call.

"Your girlfriend?" Sora asked, unable to help himself as they stepped into an elevator.

"Mmm, my gorgeous and beautiful wife" Leon replied, grinning. "She's a stunner isn't she?"

"I guess so" Sora mumbled, feeling suddenly awkward.

They fell silent after that, Leon was busy fiddling with the clipboard; Sora checked his cell to see if Roxas had texted him. There was a notice that his phone bill was nearly overdue, but nothing personal. He looked back up at the aquamarine numbers changing myopically. So Tifa had gotten married to Zack's brother. Fascinating. Sora had been aware of Tifa's existance before Roxas had joined him in Japan. It had happened when he'd burned himself at work and gotten rushed to the emergency room for inhalation of smoke loaded with toxic lab chemicals...

_"Hi, my name is Sora Hikari. I want to pay before I leave, can do that here, at the admissions desk."_

Sora swallowed and tapped his foot irritably. There had been a gasp, and the sound of a pen dropping. When he'd registered it was Tifa, he wasn't sure, but his reaction was very negative to say the least.

_"Sora, can we talk? I'm sorry I made you run out like that. Riku's not here, I don't know where he is. I moved here to work."_

...It wasn't an ideal situation but Sora couldn't complain. Tifa was nice, he'd always liked her. If she knew where Riku was, the brunette was almost positive she'd tell him. He jumped as the elevator doors swung open; revealing the shining tile floors of the NICU.

"This way please." A few of the nurses stopped to greet Leon as they made their way through a set of doors. Eventually they stopped in front of a single door to a private room. There was a plaque on the door that read; "High Security Patient. Cuff Monitored." The first thing Sora noticed when entering the room was the beep of the cardiograph machine. The bed was elevated slightly, presumably so the patient could see out of the windows looking down onto the city. An IV rack sported what Sora recognized immediately as saline and another PCA that he couldn't identify by glance. "Riku, this is Sora Hikari. He's here to look into your blood work."

It seemed that the name "Riku" fell dull upon him. It was as if someone had smashed a pair of cymbals together and held them to his ears. Panic was rushing into every pore, every vein, every recess as he stared into aquamarine eyes that were so familiar and yet so torturous. Slender white fingers yanked flimsy sheets right up to that sarcastic and sardonic jaw line. Silver hair was swept back with the other hand as that perfect mouth opened to form words.

"Sora."

The room spun around him, dissolving into a nothingness devoid of pain, abandonment or confusion. This wasn't real. Maybe he'd burned himself so badly on the Bunsen Burner he'd died.

Sora was pretty he was in Hell.

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"Cloud"

_They were walking, walking through what seemed to be an enclosed tunnel. Outside was nothing but water. Aquamarine shot through from the light of a sun that was too far away to pinpoint. The air in their enclosure was thick, but easy to breath; like being in a public aquarium. The road seemed to go on forever, the shimmering water burst and roiled into nothingness before and after. _

_He stood next to Cloud. Dark, sweeping hair that stood up in every which way; blue eyes like a sky shot through with sapphire. That sardonic smirk, tilting upwards into a cynical grin, folding out into an eternity of friendship and love. _

"I miss you."

"Do you even remember who I am?"

"Of course I do."

_Days. Days and days of staring out of the window of an asylum and down into the parking lot. Months of watching to see if he who had forgotten him would return. The doctors had told him he wasn't going to recover. He was always going to have flashbacks...he was always going to see figures of those who had hunted him in the places he had once considered the most private. _

" ...Schizophrenia isn't curable...it's repressable...but yours seems to have taken an aggressive turn; the likes of which we've never seen.

_Could they blame him? He had seen his brother lying on the ground with blood running out of the back of his head...his best friend unconcious in the drivers seat of the flipped car. Cloud took a deep breath and opened an eyelid, staring down at the edge of his bed. White sheets, white pillow...white room. The dark figure turned and looked at him, eyes glinting with fire and rage. Cloud stifled a cry and covered his face with his pillow. Sephiroth was still there...he saw him all the time._

There was the click of a lock and tiny sliver of light fell upon his face as the door to his room was opened.

"Cloud?" He didn't answer, pulling his sheets up and over him. "Your heart rate went up on your pulse ox...is everything alright?"

"M'fine" he muttered, refusing to look at the doctor.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to make you more comfortable."

"Hn."

The door closed with a snap. He fought the tears threatening to spill over. With Roxas gone, it was a thousand times harder. His brother had been the only source of comfort, his only channel to news of the outside world...

At first, he hadn't been able to remember anything, not even his own name. As the weeks progressed, lucridity had come back to him. His mental breakdown was due to stress, they said. He'd recover soon. Cloud's eyes snapped open to glance at the moon filtering through the window. It'd been years. Years of testing and promises that tomorrow would be better. He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. It was only getting worse.

The door to his room opened again, this time the lights snapped on. Cloud sat up in a rage. Hadn't he told them he wanted to sleep? Sure, it was early. But couldn't a man's privacy be respected.

"I said I was going to sleep!" he snapped.

The female doctor smiled myopically, the blonde resisted the urge to slap that smirk off of her face. Shaking the little pill-cup Cloud was getting way too used to seeing, she placed a glass of water in his hands.

"You have a visitor ."

"Nm-tell them M'not interested" he muttered, downing the meds anyhow. "Gnite."

That perfect smile faltered.

"The last name of the visitor is Fair, if that means anything to you." Cloud coughed, spraying water across his sheets. "Now, Cloud, really!"

"I'm really not interested now" he snapped. "Tell him I'm asleep. Better yet-tell him I'm dead."

"That's kind of an unconvincing argument" came a smooth voice. "Seeing as you are sitting in that bed and not sinking through it."

Zack sauntered into the room and raised an incredulous eyebrow. Every lucrative and intelligent thing Cloud had rehearsed saying to his best friend went out the window. Instead he was left a trembling, pill-deadened, psychotic mess in a loony bin somewhere in Rhode Island. As these realizations came to him, Cloud dived under the pillows again. Reaching with one hand for the call-button next to his bed, he spammed it.

"Something wrong, Cloud?" came the nurse's voice from who-knows-where.

"I need another dose" he mumbled. "My hallucinations are getting worse."

Someone yanked the covers off of him.

"You're not hallucinating" hallucination Zack said again. Said figment of imagination smacked him on the back of the head. "Get up. You look terrible. Could use some exercise too by the looks of it."

" .God" Cloud muttered. "My brain cannot get any more fucked up."

"Pull yourself together!" hallucination Zack roared. "Gimme a break, okay? I had no idea where you were and Roxas said you didn't even remember your own name."

"Yes, well, I've progressed" Cloud said conversationally, refusing to remove his pillows. "Thanks for the fat jibe by the way."

"Lying around in a mental facility for four plus years can do that to a person" hallucination Zack admitted.

The sheets wavered slightly. Oops. Maybe that was a few too many downers.

"I'm not hallucinating am I?" Cloud whispered, peeking up at Zack. Said person smiled crookedly.

"No, you're not." Cloud groaned as the room wavered again. Zack's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Dude, you look fucked up. How many of these does he take a day?" he had turned to the nurse.

"Usually as many as he needs to make the visions go away."

"What visions?"

Their voices were fading away. Maybe this was all a dream, maybe he'd wake up in a dark hospital ward with no one there to greet him as usual. Cloud sighed and let his consciousness slip away. Too much was going on at the moment anyway.

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"That concludes today's lesson" Roxas said firmly, turning away from the blackboard. There was a collective murmur and the rustle of papers and the *thump* of textbooks. "We'll be focusing on derivatives tomorrow" the blonde continued, watching his students look up idly. "So please make sure you study. You never know...there might be a...pop quiz."

The incredulous groan that greeted him was fiercely satisfying. The immediate reciprocating stab of pain in his skull made him grit his teeth. Karma was a lovely thing.

The blonde couldn't recall returning home that night. Sora was gone by the time he woke up, so he hadn't had time to ask him. He did remember falling asleep-and that he had texted Axel an apology. Blowing a stray lock of hair out of his face; Roxas began gathering his lesson notes and throwing them haphazardly into a briefcase. Just as he was snapping the catch shut, someone knocked at the lecture room door. Roxas smiled weakly at Axel, who grinned back, leaning casually against the doorframe. Somehow, he managed to look irresistable in the ugliest plaid shirt he had ever seen. The blonde frowned. So did the shirt complement Axel? Or did Axel complement the shirt?

"How's the head?" Axel asked dryly, pushing off the door and coming to stand next to Roxas.

"Could be better" the blonde replied weakly. "I haven't drunk that much since my freshman year at college." He looked apprehensively at Axel. "How about you?

"My cerebral condition wasn't too great this morning. However, I probably drink a hell of a lot more than you, so I'm conditioned to recover faster." Roxas tried not to let the fact that the redhead was frequently inebriated, and possibly often in situations similar to last nights', bother him. Then again, there was no reason it should. He'd been in similar fixes before...but none had been quite so...impassioned. "You got quiet" the redhead observed.

"I was thinking" Roxas snapped.

"May I inquire what about?"

"No!"

"Pleeaaaasssseeeeeee?"

Roxas considered those emerald green eyes carefully. They were full of both pleading and agonizing curiosity. He deflated. Axel wasn't likely to judge him. Probably tease him to death, but not judge him.

"...I was thinking that you might get in those situations a lot" he mumbled. The redhead frowned.

"What situ-ohhhhh" a light dawned in his expression. "You were wondering if I often get plastered and make out with semi strangers" he said delightedly. Axel's grin then turned wicked. "So were you just a bit...jealous at the thought of that?"

"I don't know what you mean" Roxas snapped.

"I mean you are questioning the fact if I get hot and heavy with every sexy smexy man I meet and take to the bowling alley after-"

"-Okay! Okay! Maybe I was a little jealous" Roxas yelled. He glanced sideways. "Do you often refer to men as s-exy an-and all that?" Axel burst into laughter, attempting to cover his mirth with the palm of his hand but failing. Roxas scowled, feeling insecure and made fun of. "Look" he said grumpily. "We're not in college anymore" he looked around. "Okay, we are in a college but we're not students. I'm too old for-"

"-Shaddup and c'mere" Axel chuckled. A long, thin arm reached out with slender fingers and pulled the blonde towards him.

"What're you-?"

"I think you already know Roxy" the redhead interrupted, smirking. Warm breath ghosted over his lips.

Then, without further comment, Axel leaned in and kissed Roxas.

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Please like and comment!

Look for the next installment next week at this same time.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

**_Text Warning_:** Slight touchy-feely scene in this chapter. I did give a lemon warning in the beginning chapter(s) of this fic. To expand on it: **There will be lemon. **I don't write it lightly or in "half-detail." That is lime. Nothing is implied here so please don't be shocked in later chapters when it happens. Additionally, I prewrite my chapters. In other words; when I publish this one, next week's chapter is already available. Most of the plot to this fic is premeditated so there is little chance of the above statement being altered or changing. _  
_

Kind of long and early. I just didn't want to wait until Sunday, the suspense was killing me somehow (because I'm not writing it and all that lol).

Additionally: (Forgot) Thank you so much for the continued reviews of imortal173 and a new reviewer; Fayt80! Much appreciation to both of you, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.

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**Chapter 7 **

_ "Pancake shape?"_

_~My love is a tempest wrought in iron clouds_

_A siren borne upon the highest winds of pain_

_Never again shall the strongest storm pierce me_

_I promised this heart I wouldn't fall_

_But I tumbled into the roiling sapphire_

_Of maelstrom colored eyes~_

...Why was it so hard? Riku couldn't move, he couldn't speak. He wanted the hospital sheets to roll him up and spit him out in another reality. A sphere of thinking and being where those deep blue orbs weren't burning resentful and disbelieving holes into his head. He said his name without even thinking, the title burned his lips and tongue; singing his subconscious into an oblivion. Leon was shouting. Christ, he liked Leon. His sister was so lucky that his personality was tolerable. The brown-haired adult didn't cut corners, he had been honest about his progress all the way through.

"Do you know each other?" the doctor demanded, attempting to revive an unconscious Sora. "Is it normal for scientists to faint like this?!"

Huh, so Sora had made a name for himself; he was a goddamn scientist. What rotten luck had placed the silver-haired individual into his path again? Fate must be one sonofabitch to throw their destiny's together time and time again. Hadn't Riku suffered enough? Did he really have to go through all of this all over again?

"We've known each other since childhood" he said before he could stop himself. "We're...we _were_ best friends. I moved away...I thought we'd never see each other again."

The door to the ICU room swung open, halogen lights from an unseen and unknown hallway spilling onto the floor. There was the click of heels and Riku swore under his breath.

"Honey? Did you page me?" Tifa's eyes observed the scene before her, eyes widening as her gaze fell on Sora. "Goodness! Move the poor boy to that recliner over there-here I'll help you." Sora groaned faintly as they placed him in the vinyl chair that looked a hell of a lot less comfortable than the floor. "Care to explain this?!" the brown haired woman snapped at her husband. "What did you do to him?"

"He didn't do anything" Riku said quickly. "Sora and I...it's really complicated, ugh. God Tifa, you know we were friends." Tifa's expression softened.

"Riku, can I ask you something a bit personal?" The silver-haired individual hesitated.

"I...guess so?" he said slowly.

"Riku...are you gay?"

Riku flushed, unable to stop the reaction before it happened.

"Uhhhmmm, well."

"Right. Okay. That explains a lot" Tifa said shortly.

"It doesn't explain anything to me" muttered Leon.

"That's okay honey" Tifa chirped, patting Leon's arm and dragging him out of the room at the same time. "You don't really need to understand."

"Wait! Where are you going!?" Riku shouted. "Sora's still in here!"

"Hmmm" Tifa smiled mischievously. "I'm giving you two some space. Don't get out of bed, you're still weak Riku." The door shut behind them.

Riku; frozen in horror, tried to assess possibilities of escape. He could attempt to get out of bed, but he doubted the head trauma he had received would permit him to get very far. His gaze fell on his phone, resting on the dresser next to him. Hira wouldn't help him. Contacting him now would most likely get innocent people killed in order to get to him. The silver-haired man had enough dead bodies burned into his memory to last the rest of his miserable life. Calling his Mum would probably result in a lot of cursing and demands that he come home. Then he'd have to answer questions abou Tifa. The silver-haired man shuddered. There was no way he was doing that.

It was possible he'd gotten a little bit caught up in his 'escape' plotting; because before Riku knew it forty five minutes had passed and Sora was stirring in the recliner. All clever thoughts previously of evasion were wiped from his mind. He watched as familiar fingers that had become so estranged rubbed sea blue eyes. That perfect mouth yawned, exposing a pink tongue. And then those eyes focused on him. Riku was vaguely reminded of what deer looked like when caught in the blazing path of high beams. Sora froze, his expression went from horror, to crushing despair, to a cold displacement that burned Riku to the core.

"Are you alright?"

The pathetic words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them. The brunette's eyes narrowed for a moment, as if the silver-haired man's voice caused him physical pain.

"How can you even ask me that?" he whispered.

Riku hysterically wished himself anywhere but where he was. Hell, he wished Hira's cronies had killed him.

"I don't know" he said hoarsely. "I'm...I'm..."

He couldn't say it. Apologizing just seemed too pathetic at this point. Instead, he covered his eyes and tried to imagine it was all a dream.

"Riku, what happened to you?"

Again, his name. His name on those lips, his name thrown out into an oblivion that was horrible and endless.

"I...was friends with the wrong people" he replied, then laughed at the irony in his words. "I've been friends with the wrong people ever since I left you, Sora." There was silence after that, neither was able to say anything. Riku could visualize Sora at the age of five, blinking innocently up at him in teddy bear overalls with a lollipop hanging from his mouth. He could see Sora eating cupcakes instead of studying the lessons Riku had painstakingly made for him. He could see Sora lying on his bed, thrown out against blue sheets in a fit of passion that left him aching for more. He saw Sora's tears, his despair and his pain. "I...I've missed you so much."

The bitter chuckle that greeted his confession was possibly more painful than anything the brunette could have said otherwise.

"Riku, you left me. You left me when we had barely begun. I watched you and your family drive away and I felt like my life had fallen into a million pointless pieces" Sora's breath caught. "I _waited_ so long for you Riku. I thought if I went to college, got a degree. I hoped that you'd hear that I got smarter you'd come back. You didn't." Riku watched as he pressed his palms to his eyelids. "You didn't. I missed you so much Riku...I loved you so much." He took a deep breath. "I can't handle this. Not right now."

"Neither can I" Riku said weakly.

Blue eyes met aquamarine. There was silence between them after that. Riku took a deep breath, trying to control the anxiety that was threatening to overcome him completely. His head was pounding and his heart felt like it was faster than his head. He vaguely registered that the cardiac monitor had started beeping urgently, but it didn't matter to him. He'd rather die than have to face this again.

"Riku, I don't think that beeping is a good thing" Sora said quietly. The silver-haired man laughed.

"Who cares? I'm so tired of living." He didn't miss the intake of breath that followed his words. "If I get out of here without having to spend life in a foreign prison I'll be damn lucky. And if I'm that lucky, my 'friends' will be happy to make my life several decades shorter. I'm sure they're looking for me now. It doesn't matter what happens to me. As far as the world is concerned, I'm trash." The beeping increased in frequency. "I hate myself and I hate life."

"Riku, I don't think you're t-"

The door banged open, heralding the return of Leon as he rushed to the side of Riku's bed.

"The _hell_ are you doing bro?! Your cerebral stability is shit...excuse my French. Use the damn pain medicine or you're going to die of shock." The older man pressed the button that released the medicine from the bag and Riku groaned; his world swirling as morphine was pumped into his system. "Do that again and I'm going to have you on psych watch" Leon warned, turning to the door again. "Oh, and Tifa is gonna hear about this one." He was gone.

Riku laughed, letting his head fall back against the pillows.

"You didn't seem too surprised to see my sister here" he commented, assuming Sora was still in the room. To his great surprise, the brunette was.

"We've talked on occasion" he said quietly. "M University Lab associates with the hospital frequently. I don't think she knew where you were, or she probably would have told me."

"Tell them the reason my blood keeps flipping shit is because after you leave any bodily excretion out in a warm temperature for five minutes you're going to see serious changes regardless of the individual" Riku muttered.

"...I was planning on doing that. It's common sense."

"Then why are you still here?"

"I don't know. But I'm coming back tomorrow."

"Please don't."

"I need to."

"No, you don't."

"Then explain why you called me" Sora demanded, frustration now apparent in his voice. Ahh, Riku had forgotten about that little slip up.

"I was...in the middle of a bad job. Moment of weakness and all that."

"Mmm, weakness."

"Hell Sora, I don't know. Everything about the entire situation was so fucked up. My brother, Cloud, Roxas. You don't plan for those sorts of things, they just blow up in your face and you have to pick up the pieces as they drop around you. I missed so many of them" he looked Sora fully in the face. "I missed the piece that was you."

The brunette's lip trembled...Riku knew it as a warning sign. The tears came next, falling from those baby blue eyes onto perfect, soft cheeks and cascading down to meet at the end of his chin. The silver-haired man made a distressed sound, attempting to sit up. A white hot pain burst in the back of his head and he cried out, slumping back into his pillows.

"Riku" Sora sobbed. "Riku I miss you so much. But I can't let you back into my life. I can't deal with that again. I can't lose you again."

"Sora" Riku rasped, watching the ceiling spin above him. "Sora, I love you. I love you so much it's pain in physical form. But I know that you don't want this. And I know I'm a dead man no matter what. Leave. And don't come back."

There was the crackle of vinyl as Sora stood up from the recliner. Something touched his forehead, something soft and familiar. Riku caught the brunette's fingers in his own before he could tug them away.

"I want this" Sora said quietly. "But I can't."

Riku nodded and closed his eyes, letting go of Sora's hand. A few seconds later, the door snapped shut.

He felt emptier than ever.

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"Sometimes, I wonder if you were dropped as a baby" Zack said lightly, looking out the windows of Cloud's room.

Cloud looked up from the sandwich he was slowly picking apart, eyes focusing slightly before going dull again. Zack had seen that expression too much since they had reunited. He bit his lip. They were giving him too many meds. He'd looked at the prescriptions. It was serious, addictive, and irreversible shit. The nurse had explained that most of it was to keep away the blonde's hallucinations. But some of Zack's questions had fell upon dull ears. Even the doctor had grown unmistakably deaf when Zack asked about possible release dates and progress charts. This was a high-class facility. Roxas had paid top dollar to get his adoptive brother under the best care possible. Zack was fairly sure that this "care" was as phony as a Styrofoam Loch Ness Monster snapped from a distance with greyscale.

"Ouch" the blonde replied, causing Zack to jump. "Ever wonder what kind of shape you'd be in if I pushed you out the window?"

"Pancake shape?" Zack asked lightly.

"Where have you been, Zack?" Cloud asked softly. The dark-haired man paused, caught off-guard at the sudden change in subject. It left him floundering with an answer he had worked so hard to openly and honestly give.

"I've…been out of the country" he finally replied. "When I heard that you had lost your memory, I didn't want to incorporate myself as another confusing and painful part of your recovery. The military deployed me upon request. While I was abroad, Sora wrote me a letter to inform me that you had recovered your long-term memory and were asking for me. I requested to be relocated, I was denied. I attempted to transfer six times. The last time, I literally groveled before my commanding officer. I was threatened with a dishonorable discharge if I failed to comply with army policy." He took a deep breath. "After that, I was in a catch twenty two. I've been in the military my entire life; I don't know anything outside of it. I was raised in that environment, I live and breathe combat. My honor was won over by my sense of pride. I didn't want to dishonor my name, it was too much to ask." The dark haired individual covered his eyes with a gloved hand. "Then…Sora wrote me again, and it was more desperate. He said-" Zack shuddered. "He said you were _calling_ for me in your sleep... I was desperate. I talked to Wyndal, the guy in charge of our local position and he told me that I was due to relocate again, this time to Germany." His mouth formed a thin line. "I lost it. I told my commanding officer exactly what I thought of him and was given a dishonorable discharge." The dark haired man ignored Cloud's intake of breath. "I tried to contact Sora to ask where you were located, but I didn't get a reply. Looking for you through the system was hard. There are hundreds of policies that protect mental patient privacy." Zack watched as a leaf skittered across the ground in the parking lot. "I mean, it's probably a good thing. But hell, it made finding you a pain in the ass. I almost gave up."

"Nobody asked you to find me" Cloud snapped. "I'm fine. And no I was never dropped when I was little."

"Really? Considering you're sitting in a mental facility for absolutely no reason other than being addicted to downers, I'd consider you slightly slow."

"Either that or ridiculously manipulated" the blonde growled. "So why are you visiting such a challenged or gullible individual?"

"You know what? I know the reason you're here" Zack said sarcastically, turning to face the blonde. "Because no one in the real world can deal with your insufferable personality."

There was a stretch of time where they glared thunderously at each other. Then Cloud blinked, and his lip twitched. The sound of their laughter was enough to send the nurse running into the room.

"Cloud? Is everything alright? Do you need more meds?"

"No. Fuck you" Cloud chortled. "And your stupid ass meds."

"Really" the nurse huffed, tossing back her hair. The door slammed shut and she was gone.

Cloud threw his legs over the side of the bed, standing and chucking his sandwich in the trash. Zack turned to face the window again, watching as someone in a wheelchair was led into a van.

"You shouldn't make fun of people who struggle with true mental problems" Cloud said gratuitously. "It's not kind."

"I've never been kind" Zack retorted. "Please don't tell me you have such high standards for my persona."

He was trying and failing to refrain from staring at the delicious expanse of back that the blonde had revealed whilst bending over to get rid of his lunch. Cloud stretched and eyed the bed as if considering getting back into it. He then shrugged and reached for a drawer to pull out a pair of jeans. Zack had to tear his gaze away as the blonde began to strip shamelessly. Swearing soundlessly, he turned to face the window again.

"Since when are you so comfortable with changing in front of me?" he muttered.

"Mmm, since when haven't I been?" Cloud's voice murmured.

Soft footsteps heralded the shorter man's approach-even before slim fingers gently twisted themselves around Zack's hips. The dark haired man closed his eyes. Warm breath ghosted just underneath his earlobe, sending gentle shivers down his spine. He was all too aware of the slim and painfully naked body behind him, pressed against his back-molding into him-as if it had been mere hours since their last romantic encounter.

"No" Zack said in a low voice. And yet he was turning into those beautiful alabaster arms, taking that perfect chin and staring into blue and depthless eyes. He was touching the pout of those perfect lips with a finger, brushing across that barely-moist surface until Cloud shuddered from it, his lids dropping slightly. The fingers that had been around his waist wound about Zack's neck, slender digits tangling in his hair and pulling gently. Blond lashes quivered with just the faintest hint of uncertainty and fear, those porcelain cheeks flushed.

"Why?" Cloud murmured, leaning his head against the taller man's chest. "Why?"

If they had talked longer beforehand, if he had managed to have a decent conversation with his drugged friend, if he hadn't yearned for him for three years…._if_ if… If Zack had stopped loving Cloud the minute he learned that he no longer knew him, he might have been able to refrain from kissing him. As it was, he was madly in love with Cloud and it did him no justice. Warm air was breathed onto Zack's mouth as he leaned down; catching those barely parted lips with his own.

His hands surrendered and slid around that perfect waist, spreading wide at the small of Cloud's back; pressing them together. At first, it seemed that Cloud froze-that a whimper rose up from his throat-and then the blonde breathed in deep through his nose and those perfect lips kissed him back. It was the same whirlwind Zack remembered. The confusion of being best friends, the sudden elevator-induced vault into tentative lovers, the day that he had thrown Cloud onto the bed in the apartment he shared with Roxas and shown him exactly how much he loved him.

It was more than enough to cause a painful and significant problem in his nether regions. Zack hadn't been with anyone else since Cloud. The mouth that brushed his was curved slightly, and Zack knew the blonde was smirking. Cloud's mouth opened to invite-to _beg_-for the invasion of Zack's tongue. He acquiesced with a groan, throwing all reason to the wind.

His hands dropped lower, fondling the soft skin of Cloud's ass as he dipped his head to suck on that perfect throat. Whatever he wanted to tell himself, the blonde had won. Cloud let out a breathy moan at Zack's touch and the dark-haired man resisted looking down. However scantily his clothes hid his own passionate problems, Cloud was completely naked; the fact that he could feel the blonde's aching need on the inside of his thigh didn't help anything.

_'You shouldn't be doing this!_' some far off logical part of Zack cried. _'He's on drugs, he isn't thinking right, you're basically taking advantage of him!'_

Zack's mind dimly registered the door opening. Something within his cerebral cortex told him to stop. Unfortunately, his libido was telling him the exact opposite in a much louder voice. It was impossible to think. Passion was rising, curling up from somewhere in his stomach to spread outwards like a golden haze, up his torso, down into his belly button. From his fingers to his toes until he was encompassed in a golden halo of heat and desire. Cloud's tongue was tracing his ear, gentle teeth tugging at the lobe before moving to suck at his neck-

"-Oh-oh my!"

The dark-haired male pulled away from Cloud to stare blearily at the nurse standing in the doorway with her mouth open. Vaguely, he acknowledged they probably looked like a hot mess. With a naked Cloud clinging to his shirt sporting half-lidded eyes, flushed cheeks and uneven breath-and his own disheveled and obviously distracted physique, Zack reckoned they'd look pretty damn good on the cover of a porn magazine.

"Go away" Cloud snapped.

"M-might I remind you Cloud, that our policy forbids _any_ kind of sexual encounter during the course of a patients' treatment?!"

"I hadn't forgotten" Cloud purred, untangling himself from Zack to pull on a pair of pants.

"I'm sorry , but I'm going to have to ask you to leave immediately."

Zack opened his mouth to retaliate but Cloud beat him to it.

"Like hell you are."

The nurse's eyes narrowed.

"Do I need to call security?"

"-Why do I have to go?" Zack cut in. "I don't understand, Cloud hasn't had any visitors in months! Don't you think it's bad for someone to have no contact with the outside world?"

"Cloud is here for treatment!" was the tense response. "Your…actions do not fall into the category of a mere _'visitation_'. And there is no viable way your previous misdemeanors can be chalked up as "treatment.'"

"I'm his boyfriend!" Zack exploded. "Doesn't that mean anything to anyone?!"

"Are you his relative?" she asked coolly.

"Of course not!" the dark haired man said disgustedly.

"Then you have no legal reason to be permitted into this room" was the cold response. "Cloud's relatives have paid for his treatment, I suggest for both of your sakes that you leave; in order for that treatment to continue."

There was a shuffling in the hallway and two policemen entered the room with bored expressions.

"You're sick" Zack spat. "Your 'treatment' is just pumping a perfectly sane individual full of narcotics in order to keep him here and rake in money. I'm gonna fight this, and you better bet that if I win I'm going to have this place razed to the ground. I bet half the people in here are sane." He turned to look at Cloud, whose bottom lip was trembling. "I'll be back" he promised, setting aside his anger to touch the soft skin of the blonde's cheek. "I'm not going to leave you again, but I can't do anything here. Be good, okay?"

"I love you" Cloud whispered.

Zack took a deep shuddering breath.

"I love you too. Trust me, okay?"

A half-hearted nod was all the dark-haired man had to go on before one of the policemen intervened and pulled him out of the room.

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There were a lot of reasons for Sora to want to die.

For one, he had just left his mortally injured best friend alone in a hospital ward with a promise that he would never set eyes on him again. For two, he had just denied everything he had been telling himself about his love interests for the past four years in the space of five minutes. For three, he felt as if he was being torn apart by false hopes that Riku would call him back and beg him to stay. Sora slumped against the desk to the nurses' station, ignoring the concerned questions and glances for the time-being. It was enough. He'd survived it. The light above him buzzed and flickered, casting momentary shadows on the granite desk he currently had his face pressed against.

"I'm so dumb" he muttered.

"Sora, I'm so sorry!" He didn't look up at Tifa's voice. He almost wanted to shout at her for not warning him, but he didn't have the heart. A hand was placed on his shoulder. "I was going to tell you, but Leon arrived before I could say anything" she said softly. "Are you alright?"

Sora lifted his head and looked straight ahead.

"No" he siad bluntly. "No, I'm not."

She was silent after that and Sora felt a savage sense of triumph. He inwardly hoped that she'd leave him alone in his shame and self-pity.

"Did you find a verdict, Sora?"

It was a different voice this time, Leon's. Sora slowly turned and looked blankly at the bespectacled doctor.

"If you leave his blood out to sit, it is going to flip shit" he said tonelessly. "Tell your lab assistants to pay more attention to their cultures." Leon's mouth formed a thin line. Sora knew he was being rude, but he was too emotionally charged to care. "If the patient needs any more assistance, please call. But I won't be the one to come and assess him." He turned and began to walk towards the elevators.

"Sora wait!" Tifa called. "I know he wanted to see you!"

Sora paused, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I know that Tifa. I wanted to see him too. But I can't deal with it, and neither can he. There's…too much time between us. He's different and I'm different."

"No you're not" was the soft reply. "You're just the same, that's why you're reacting this way-"

_"-Stop it!_" Sora cried. "Okay? Stop it Tifa. I'm sorry." He didn't look back when she said his name again. The elevator doors _***pinged***_ and he rushed in, colliding with a doctor who cursed at him. The brunette ignored it, instead whipping out his phone to text Roxas.

_***Hey, are you in class? I need to talk to you. It's pretty urgent***_

He shifted from foot to foot, waiting for a reply as the floors ticked down in front of him. There was no response, only the quiet chime of the elevator as he hit the first floor. Sora felt lost and unsupported. His phone buzzed as he exited the lobby doors. Strangely enough, it was Axel.

_***Hey. Roxas got your text but he got called into a faculty meeting. Anything I can help with?* **_The cab he had hailed pulled up onto the sidewalk. Sora bit his lip, staring down at the text whilst mentally weighing his options. Axel's situation was not too different from his, he might be able to understand and sympathize. His phone buzzed again._** *Wanna eat lunch? I'm at the shashimi store we were in that one time***_

Sora debated a few seconds longer, then gave the driver directions to the shop. The streets were lively still, but it seemed as if they should be empty. The brunette felt hollow and drained, as if wrung out and left to dry on a clothesline. The redhead was waiting outside when Sora was dropped off. The brunette paid the driver and stepped out onto the curb, faltering slightly.

"You don't look so great, kid" Axel said, a tinge of concern in his voice.

"Let's just order" Sora said hoarsely. "Once that's done, I think I can talk."

The redhead nodded understandably and they entered the store. For once, Sora could understand what Roxas saw in Axel. He didn't ask questions, standing back when he knew he was supposed to, and keeping his silence at times that he deemed it best. The redhead kept up a steady stream of meaningless chatter with the owner as they ordered, distracting Sora enough to quirk a smile. Once they had been seated, his gloom returned full-force. Staring down at his tray of food, Sora didn't even feel like eating it.

"So" Axel said casually, popping some tuna into his mouth. "Care to dish all of your mental misery?"

Sora took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts.

"I went to the hospital to evaluate the blood-status of a patient" he said softly. Axel raised an eyebrow and nodded. "That patient happened to be Riku." Chopsticks paused halfway to the redhead's mouth. Axel carefully laid his utensils down and looked long and hard at Sora. Before the brunette knew it, he was crying hysterically. "It was horrible" he sobbed. "I didn't know what to do."

"Was he mean to you?" Axel asked slowly.

"N-no" Sora hiccuped. "He was nice, he said he m-missed me!" He buried his face in his hands. "He said _loved_ he me. But neither of us are willing to commit, there's too much damage between us."

"This is _sooo_ not my ballpark" Axel groaned. "The hell are you asking me for advice? Why didn't you ask Tifa?"

"Because I was too angry at her for not warning me initially" Sora pouted. "Plus, I didn't want to be there anymore." He glared at the redhead. "And you invited me, in case you've forgotten."

"Mmm" Axel said, taking a sip from his drink. "I did" he acceded. "Just wasn't expecting damage on this large of a scale."

"So you don't have any advice" Sora said sourly.

"I do" Axel said quietly. "I just don't think you're ready to hear it."

"Nothing you tell me is going to be any worse than what's happened today" Sora muttered, putting his head in his hands and pushing his tray away. "Just tell me."

Axel was silent, preferring to lean back in his chair and stare out at the street. He worried his lip with his teeth for a moment, narrowing speculative green eyes.

"Alright. To be completely honest, the best thing you and Riku could do right now would be to sit down and talk." Sora did a double-take, just to make sure Axel hadn't grown two heads. "Don't look at me like that. Seriously, Sora. Do it. I can't ask you to trust me, but it might be the most logical thing to do."

"It wouldn't work" Sora muttered. "One of us would lose it."

"Good!" was the prompt reply. "Maybe that's what both of you need." The redhead popped the last piece of tuna in his mouth and stood up. "One more helpful hint, lose the serious front, it's not cute Sora."

And the brunette was left mouthing indignantly as the redhead paid their tab and left the shop with nothing more than a wave and a wink.

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Thanks for reading!

Expect the next chapter around the same time next week


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting hours writing kinky fandoms.

Shorter Chapter.

**Additionally:** Thank you so much for the continued reviews of imortal173 and a new reviewer; Fayt80! Much appreciation to both of you, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.

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**Chapter 8**

_"You both owe me atomic fire balls for this."_

_Don't you want to move on?_

There was a point when Axel had gotten used to living without Roxas. It might have been when his mother died, he wasn't sure...

_"You're just like Lea."_

Yeah. He was like his Dad in a lot of ways. Maybe that was why his Mum was always drinking herself into Oblivion. So when Axel had despaired of hope; Noel had despaired of her son. And in doing so cast off her single reason for living.

_"Mom?"_

He had found her on the sofa. The same sofa Renee used to sit on. The TV was on low, some cop program.

_"Hey bitch, wake up. Don't crash here, go to your room."_

She had red hair like him. Crimson locks cut pixie-style; framing kewpie doll features. When she was younger, she had been pretty. His Dad used . The to brag about her. Before Lea had died, Axel could remember the smell of perfume and powder. Half-formed memories present diamonds and taffeta and high pitched laughter. Their house was always full of people. It had been a time when he was proud of his family.

_"Mom!"_

She was so withered; skin like leather from years of consumption of spirits-her fingertips blacked from countless cigarettes. The lights had flickered in the apartment; casting eerie shadows around the room. The faucet in the kitchen was dripping. His mind registered she should have moved by now.

Axel wasn't sure when he realized she was dead. Only that there wasn't any connection with his brain when he did. He could remember being numb; he remembered standing over her body wondering how the hell he was going to afford a burial. At some point he cried, but it wasn't really for her.

He called 911 but only to keep things traditional. He remembered his voice being flat and the operator's being urgent. The ambulance came and took her...he never saw her again. A letter came a month later saying that due to his failure to respond to phone calls; they had donated her body to science. When the paramedics left Axel smelled something burning. At first, he didn't care if he went down in flames with whatever was causing the acrid scent. Then he remembered that he didn't have insurance and suicide was a really pathetic way to go.

His birthday cake was smouldering in the oven. Axel turned the appliance off and kneeled in front of the smoking wreck wondering when she had put it in. He usually disregarded his birthday. Most of the time she had too. Some part of him broke.

Axel cried for her then.

No one came to the Memorial. He refused to have it in a church. Most of his friends had moved away or forgotten him. Then Sora called and offered him money and a plane ticket.

_"I'm sorry..."_

He took it and didn't look back. There wasn't any point in doing so.

"Hey, what're you thinking about?"

It was like pulling himself out of a huge swamp covered in a tight layer of saran wrap. The ginko tree he was sitting under was a blinding green; its fanned leaves standing out in painful detail. Sunlight filtered down in green and gold spotted beams, bathing the bench he was sitting in a soft warm glow. Blond hair rustled softly in the breeze; framing azure eyes that looked at Axel with concern. The redhead flinched, feeling guilty for the lapse in conversation.

"Sorry, I was thinking about my Mum" he answered reluctantly.

Roxas looked understanding.

"It's okay" he said quietly, turning his face away to look across the lawn.

He hadn't brought Roxas there to stare out into space and ruminate on the grevious circumstances of his past. Axel had met with the blond to tell him what Sora had said. Crimson eyelashes dusted across alabaster cheeks as he closed his eyes momentarily. He had been hard-pressed not to shout at Sora. While Axel's mouth gave mature and acceptable advice; his inside was screaming for the brunette to wake the fuck up and take what he was offered before he lost it completely. It had been so hard to not laugh in those baby blue eyes.

_"At least Riku Remembers you."_

The more time Axel spent with Roxas, the more his guilt weight in on him. It wasn't the fact that he treated him poorly; simply that there was the lingering possibility Roxas might begin to remember his past. And if he did...what consequences would both of them face?

"Are you still thinking about her?" Axel jumped and Roxas covered his mouth to hide a grin. "Sorry" he chuckled. "You're funny when you think."

"Not sure if that's a compliment or an insult" Axel said dryly. "But no, I wasn't thinking about her."

Roxas cocked his head in a way that was unfair and irresistable.

"Oh? What's on your mind now?"

"You" Axel said as gently as possible.

The blush that crept up those ivory cheeks made the redhead want to cry. Pink lips formed a perfect circle as azure eyes widened and then lowered; golden lashes fluttering slightly.

"Oh" Roxas said softly, turning back to look at the campus.

And that was just it. The Roxas that knew Axel would have told him to shut the hell up or screamed something profane in order to hide his embarassment. This was Roxas being nice. Axel was so not used to it. They hadn't had any sort of lengthy discussion after the kiss. Hell, neither of them had bothered to acknowledged themselves as 'official' in any way. It kind of went without saying. Both of them knew they were good for each other. Axel doubted he had been in a relationship so silently consentual before. It was both comforting and terrifying.

"What did Sora want?" Roxas asked after a while.

"He accidently bumped into Riku" the redhead replied, glad to change the subject. Roxas paled.

"Oh shit, no wonder he wanted to talk to me. Is he okay?"

"He'll probably want to talk to you" Axel said slowly. "Fuck, I don't know Roxas. I think Sora's putting off something that's been a long time coming."

Roxas tilted his head sideways.

"...You mean you think they should get back together?"

Axel hesitated, aware that a wrong word could reveal that he knew more than he should.

"...It seemed like they were separated due to circumstances beyond their control. It was something neither of them predicted or wanted."

"That's true" Roxas agreed. "But Sora waited _years _for that bastard Axel. Riku's had his chance with Sora, he's had a lot of chances." The blonde sighed. "I don't know, maybe he wasn't able to contact him. Sora's moved around a lot in the past few years. But Riku's a smart guy, he'd be able to find him if he really wanted to. The fact that they've run into each other after such a long time is a damnable stroke of luck."

There were a few moments of silence between them after that, then Roxas spoke again.

"You know...I used to have a best friend."

Axel flinched.

"Oh? That's...great."

"That's what everyone said anyway. He was in a car crash with me, but I can't remember him at all. Nobody will tell me who he was, not even his name."

"Why would you want to know that about a guy if you don't even remember him?" Axel asked bitterly.

"Mmm...I don't know. Kind of seems like a shitty thing to do, just forget your best friend and waltz away into the sunset. I used to walk around school and try to catch people's eyes. I used to think that maybe someone would acknowledge me. Nobody talked to me. There was a guy next to my bed when I woke up from my coma" Roxas shot a sharp glance at Axel. "Kinda looked like you now that I think about it red hair and all that. Pleased to see me too, I kinda thought he was going to cry. Maybe that was him...I don't know."

"Roxas" Axel said quickly, taking the blonde's shoulders and turning him around. Blue eyes widened slightly. "I'm-"

"-AXEL!"

"Damn it all to hell" the redhead growled, releasing Roxas and turning to face a very angry looking Larxene. "Can I help you?" he asked as snarkily as possible.

Observing the blond Creative Writing professor more closely, Axel noted that she wasn't in a very good mood. There was a vein throbbing in her left temple and she'd forgotten to tie a shoelace. One of her monstrous and heavily aerosoled antennae was askew so that it was nearly poking his eye out, and her breath smelled like she had just eated a particularly large and garlicy pizza. She was also wearing the worst keffiyeh he had ever seen but decided to skip mentioning color coordination.

"Explain the reason you haven't given a tour to the new foreign exchange students" Larxene growled. Axel blinked. "They're all milling about in the lobby like a bunch of giant misguided fangirls."

"You look terrible" he said bluntly. "Are they all girls? I can't handle that."

Roxas looked torn between laughing and crying hysterically.

"It's my fault Larxene" the blonde said quietly. "I asked Axel to meet with my cousin in my place and he's just gotten back. There was a staff meeting about half and hour ago and I was filling him in."

Larxene's eye twitched.

"Since when has Axel Shoundoa cared about anything administration organizes on this campus?" she asked tightly.

"She's got a point" the redhead said lightly, tapping his chin with his index finger. "Try again Roxy."

"Well I was going to tell you anyways" Roxas argued hotly. "It's not my fault if you're too dense to listen."

Larxene chuckled.

"I like this kid Axel. Please make your way to the lobby to begin the tour. They've been waiting over an hour."

The redhead pouted.  
"But-"

_"Do _it Axel" Roxas snapped. His expression softened. "We'll talk later okay?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, fine. You both owe me atomic fire balls for this."

There was a snort.

"Nobody eats that crap anymore."

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"Can you tell us about this organization Riku?"

The tape recorder resting on the hospital sheets was slid closer to him again. Riku wet dry lips with his tongue and stared around the room. There were two policemen and one detective in his cramped ICU cubicle. It couldn't have been more crowded or more uncomfortable. The detective was dusting off his lapels while the two policemen stared menacingly at him from the doorway. His pulse-ox beeped aggravatingly before falling silent once again.

"I've told you what I can" he said hoarsly. "We're an extension of an extension of the Japanese Mafia. All the dirty work comes to us, jobs that no one wants to do; tasks that a bigger boss would consider a waste of time. I don't have any last names, only Hira. He had a brother but I didn't know him, he hated me."

"Hira's name is very widely known in our circles" the detective said dryly. "He's no small criminal. How did a Westerner like you get mixed up with him?"

Riku swallowed.

"I came to Japan to escape a life that no longer existed, I can't say what I was looking for; only that I wanted to get away. Getting a job was harder than I thought it would be. Americans have a bad name here in a lot of places." He gripped the sheets with one hand, gazing down at the lime-green threading. "I...met Hira at a club called _Shiroi Bara. _He bought me a few drinks, sympathized, and then asked for a favor in return." Riku took a deep breath. "The next day I met him outside the club and followed him down to the docks. Hira gave me a walkie-talkie, asked me to stand outside a warehouse and radio immediately if I heard or saw someone coming. I did. No one came and when they were done he gave me five hundred U.S. dollars" the detective's eyebrows rose. "It just kept going like that. I don't know at what point I was aware that I was involved in something illegal. Only that once I did there wasn't any way out. They knew where I lived, they knew I had nowhere to go and nothing to live for. Hira only gave me enough money to last me for a certain amount of time. I didn't have identification or a passport, I'd lost it a long time ago. There was no way for me to get out of the country. I was a faceless man."

"So what happened between you?"

Riku shrugged again.

"I was framed. Hira's brother blamed a mishap on me. I've gotten lucky before but it was only a matter of time."

The detective leaned back in his seat; eyes trained on Riku's face. His hand fumbled in his pocket as if looking for a pen, then dropped back into his lap. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then bent down to retrieve a clipboard from the base of his bed. Dark eyes scanned the paper roughly before glancing back up at his charge.

"It says here that you haven't made any attempts at escape during your time here." Riku nodded.

"That's right sir."

"Any reason for that?"

He grinned crookedly.

"Where exactly am I gonna go?"

The detective blinked then glanced back at the police officers guarding the door.

_"Dete Itte kudasai!" _

The two men blinked and looked at him in suprise.

_"Doushite desuka?" _

_"Ima!" _

The door shut behind the two grumbling individuals. The detective waited a few moments more; then walked over to the door and pressed an ear against it. Riku raised an eyebrow, but refrained from asking questions as the elder man walked back over to his seat and leaned forward to look at him again.

"I am going to make you a deal."

"No." Riku said shortly.

The detective looked amused but not suprised.

"But you haven't heard what I was going to offer you."

"You want to frame Hira and you want me to help" Riku said shortly.

The detective smiled.

"Very insightful, Riku."

"No, I'm just not stupid. Hira won't take me back, he's not that thick."

"Then show us how he operates."

Riku laughed and shook his head.

"You're not listening. Hira does odd jobs. He's a subordinate to a subordinate and has no set location that he works out of."

"Not even _Shiroi Bara?" _

Riku hesitated. It was true that Hira favored _Shiroi Bara _over any other club. But not for business purposes.

_'Not that you know of' _an honest and nagging section of his mind whispered.

The detective had evidently taken his silence as affirmation because he was standing up.

"Your doctor says you will be well enough for discharge within a week. Once this happens you will be put under protective custody. We'll talk more then."

"Do I get anything out of this?" Riku asked tightly.

The elder man paused and considered him.

"If you should...succeed in this endeavor, I think that I might say your reward would be your freedom. We'll assume that failure would result in life imprisonment, so make your choices wisely. Good day to you Riku."

Riku bit back the stream of curses that threatened to spill out of him as the door closed. Slumping back into the pillows, he tried to acknowledge his fate as fair but he couldn't. All he wanted was a clean break. Something simple like life in prison or death. Complications always arose where he wanted them least. There was a knock on the door and Riku sat up reluctantly. He pushed the "admit" button wearily and watched as Leon entered the room.

"Hey Riku. How'd it go?"

"I don't care anymore" he muttered, lifting his arm automatically as the dark-haired man took out a blood pressure cuff.

"Tifa says you're a good kid" the doctor continued awkwardly. "I..I really hope there's a positive way out of this for you."

Riku didn't reply; he couldn't. There wasn't any way he could agree with Leon. Yeah, maybe had had good intentions at specific and all-too-short moments in his life. But otherwise he'd been nothing but a murderer, thief, and coward. There were very few positive aspects to his existence. Something in him acknowledged that this should probably worry him; but the part of him that realized it was so miniscule and insignificant it didn't matter.

The phone Tifa had leant him buzzed on the table. The silver-haired man lifted it and sighed as he viewed his sister's text.

_***'Hey. The detective just told me what he offered you. I hope you took it. You could have a normal life you know.'***_

There was a small part of him that jumped for joy at the words 'normal' and 'life.' But that part was also the very commanding aspect of him that wanted to find Sora, beg for forgiveness, and fulfill his every wish and command to the end of his days. ...But that would be too easy. It would also be more than he deserved.

"...I'm going to take you off the morphine today Riku" Leon said; taking his stethescope out of his ears and lacing up the back of the younger man's hospital gown. "We've been weaning you off it slowly but today's the day. Don't be surprised if you feel a bit shaky at first. It's just your body getting used to going without."

Riku slumped back into the pillows.

"Like I said, I don't care anymore."

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Thanks for reading!

Expect the next around this same time next week.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**Shinra Asylum:** Long story short; it's just a name. There's not a backstory to it, it was conveniently there and everyone that worked at Shinra was pretty damn crazy so I used it.

**Raphsodos Law Group and introduction of Genesis:** Ooooh I see a Sephesis on the horizon! The very, very distant horizon... But no, I incorporated them in my last story and it would have been kind of lame to not do that here and there WILL be a story branching out as to why Gen is working in law (because that is so totally not him). Both chars will have minimum incorporation in this fic however.

**Text Warning: **Verytouchy feely flashback.

**Additional: **

**immortal173:** thanks again for your review! Well I created the conflict with the Mafia and Hira and all that just for you :( jk xD I hope Roxas remembers him too :|

**Fayt80:** LOL yes I hate Larxene. Incorporating her with Axel worked well for me because they both have highly explosive personalities, it was interesting to make them colleagues and it allowed me to degrade her terrible personality further so all's fair in love and war lol. Yes I made Sora smart(ish?). I stated previously I wanted the characters to mature. He's around 24-25 and went into the bio field in the hopes that Riku would take him back if he 'got smarter.' I suppose my main goal was to 'sober' Sora temporarily but I made him pretty ho hum. Riku/Sora balance each other out, and in lieu of Riku's departure I had to partially incorporate his 'seriousness' into Sora otherwise there is no way in hell he would survive in the real world. If Riku and Sora would reunite they might balance each other out ;)

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**Chapter 9**

_"Right number, wrong person." _

_ ,_

_W'ere sorry to inform you that due to the legal circumstances of your friend...discharge is only approvable via Cloud Strife's adoptive brother; Roxas Hikari. ...Contact with the aforementioned individual is not encouraged, due to the delicate nature of the case of the patient...whereabouts of are private...do not disclose information of family members any more freely than that of the patient. _

_Sincerely, _

_Raphsodos Law Group: New Jersey_

"You've got to be kidding me."

_Due to the negative occurrences that took place during your visit with Cloud Strife...you are permanently banned from the campus... encourage you to speak with our legal representative if you have any problems with this...staff hopes that you understand that the well-being of our patients is top-priority. If we allowed you to return, this would not be the case. _

_Sincerely,_

_Shinra Asylum, NJ_

"This is ridiculous."

_Zack,_

_When are you coming back? ... Get in contact with the lawyer yet?... It's not getting much better here...think they're giving me more pills, most of the time I don't remember things. My nurse was fired I guess. I have a new one and she's a bitch. ...Really miss you. Sorry I came on to you like that. ...If I hadn't you wouldn't be in so much trouble...want to talk to you soon, there's so much I have to say._

_Love,_

_Cloud_

His phone was ringing somewhere. Zack was sitting in a near-empty apartment with his head in his hands. The neighbors upstairs were fighting. Something about burned pastrami. He'd been hoping to make a clean break with Cloud. Zack had been so sure he'd been able to find some sort of legal hole.

He'd been forced to sit in the presence of an exuberant and dramatic individual named Genesis for at least an hour and listen about his failures in every other criteria of education before he'd looked into legal work. The red-haired individual had then asked to see his papers and blandly told him that "there were no dreams and no honor remained."

The office had been painfully stark, it was something that was impossible to ignore. It seemed like the business had been recently relocated or even more recently opened. Zack had taken note of the gunmetal walls, the potted fern sitting dismally in a shadowy corner. The desk was a deep mahogany credenza; sporting numerous papers and a small computer in a central alcove.

There was only one picture on the wooden surface. It was the likeness of a man with the longest silver hair Zack had ever seen. Blazing emerald eyes stared out of an unfairly tapered and immaculate face. The entire scene was out of place with the amount of power and serenity that emanated from the individual. He sat on a park bench, gazing out at a lake of clear blue water. There was a tree standing next to him but it hardly mattered; everything was dim compared to him.

Genesis glanced often at the picture, Zack noticed. When he did, a line appeared between his eyebrows and then disappeared. If the dark-haired man was less observant he probably wouldn't have noticed these occasional lapses in attention.

The problem with all of this was that Genesis was supposed to be dead, and so was the man in the picture. The red-haired individual that had sat across from him was the reason Zack was there. He had caused Roxas' memory loss, Riku's departure, and Cloud's descent into madness. Zack was pretty sure he remembered shooting the guy in the head point-blank. It was so hard to sit across from him and pretend nothing had happened. It was so wrong.

Riku's brother Ansem had gotten mixed up with him. It probably wasn't intentional, but it was devastating. Genesis was notorious for taking advantage of everything and anything he laid his hands on. Zack's world had gone down in flames because of this dick. And then he had found himself literally begging for his help.

_"I know who you are." _Genesis had looked at him with pity and it caused him rage. _"There's probably nothing I can say that will change your view of me. I wasn't in my right mind." _

Being in the "wrong mind" didn't excuse anything. It also didn't excuse the man in the picture, Sephiroth. Zack had gritted his teeth and jerked his head at the silver-haired individual.

_"What about him?"_

Genesis seemed to shrink back in his seat, his eyes growing distant.

_"I...I don't know." _

He didn't know. Genesis didn't know the whereabouts of his accomplice. Sephiroth was probably the most dangerous individual Zack had ever gotten mixed up with, and now he didn't even know where he was.

_"I thought you guys where friends."_

_"...Friendships come and go. Surely you know that."_

It had dawned on him then, the way that those blue eyes glanced at the picture and then filled with pain. He'd seen it too much in himself.

_"What? You fell in love with him? You're pathetic."_

_"You don't need to tell me that." _

_"Why are you alive?"_

_"I never died. I tried to. Believe me."_

And their discussion had turned to Cloud.

It was so stupid.

Zack crumpled the letter in his fist, staring out the window of his dingy apartment onto the dirty and crowded streets below. He was tempted to march right down to the office and shoot Genesis all over again. It would be a fitting end to him. Zack bit his lip. Then again, there was no guarantee the bastard wouldn't just get up and walk out of the office like nothing had happened when he was gone. He seemed to have an affinity for impossible survival.

_Roxas Hikari._

He glanced at his cell phone, wondering if the blonde's number was still the same. There wasn't any surety that Cloud's brother hadn't changed it numerous times in over five years. Zack reached for it and hesitated. Was there any guarantee that Roxas would believe him? And if he didn't, what then? There wasn't anything he could do for Cloud within legal bounds without help from his immediate family.

Then again...there was always Sora. Zack narrowed his eyes. As Roxas' cousin; Sora didn't exactly qualify as immediate family. He doubted that he'd be able to discharge Cloud via the brunette's consent. He pursed his lips, Roxas it was.

_***"Hello?"***_

"Uh, Roxas?"

_***"Right number, wrong person"* **_came the sarcastic reply. _***"Roxas is grading papers. Axel speaking, can I help you?"***_

_"Axel?!" _Zack said incredulously. "What the hell are you doing with Roxas?"

_***"Ya know, it's kinda bad manners to start cussing at someone before you even introduce yourself. Who is this?"***_

"It's Zack" the dark haired individual snapped. "You're insane."

_***"Ouch. Nice to talk to you too. As for your previous question, it's a long story."***_

"I don't care" Zack muttered disgustedly. "Will Roxas be back soon?"

_***"He's currently immersed in the confuzzling and colorful world of teenage delinquents attempting to learn one of the most complicated languages in the world."***_

"Oh?" Zack asked through gritted teeth. "What language is that?"

_***"English."* **_He resisted the urge to laugh and failed. _***"Aha, see? You don't hate me as much as you think you do."***_

"Get a life Axel" he growled.

_***"I have a life, but it doesn't involve you being bitchy because you aren't getting laid."***_

"I'll call back later" he replied, rolling his eyes. "Nice talking to you man."

_***"Take care dude."***_

There was a *beep* and their connection was severed. Zack stared at his cell phone, more miserable than ever. Axel was with Roxas. ...How did that even work? From what he could recall, the blond had had no memory of the guy. Roxas' case wasn't like Cloud's. Cloud had regained his memory slowly; Roxas memory of Axel had been wiped clean. Nothing anyone tried triggered any kind of recollection. What had happened? He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. It didn't register that the door to his apartment was slowly swinging open, nor did he realize the petite individual standing on his threshold was carrying a gun; and eyes wrought with murderous intent.

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_"Hey, Sora. Are you awake?"_

_Long fingers pushed away the cloudy mess of sheets between them; pleasantly cool fingertips sliding up his sides-resting on his hips before beginning a slow descent back down. ...It was different from other times-his kiss. It was a little rougher, and held many, many more promises. He was caught up in the flurry of his mouth; pressing him close as a cool but not cold tongue snaked its way between his lips. _

_"R-Riku!"_

_And Riku rose above him; a glorious mess of slivery hair and aquamarine eyes burning with desire. His lips curled up in a lazy smile as he bent down again; pushing Sora onwards with hot and heavy kisses. The brunette felt a rush of excitement he'd never experienced before. Riku's hands began on Sora's cheek-stroking his face- but very soon they wandered to the brunette's shoulders and down to his hips. He grasped them as if to jerk them towards him, and then stopped. Sora broke away from Riku and was surprised to see him closing his eyes and gritting his teeth._

_"What's wrong?" Sora murmured, kissing his jaw hungrily. _

_Riku shook his head and took several deep breaths. _

_"...Have you ever gone further than fondling Sora?" _

_Brown eyes blinked innocently up at him and Riku confirmed his already darkening suspicions. _

_"No, there's more?" _

_"Uhhh, Sora" he mumbled, clenching his jaw and adjusting the front of his pants. "There's a lot more." _

_The brunette continued to look completely innocent and unfairly consumable. _

_"So...teach me?" _

_Riku took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Sora's waist, tilting his chin up and kissing him again. _

It was so hard.

It was so hard when Sora shivered and leaned into his mouth, his chocolaty eyelashes fluttering. It was so hard when those slim but mischievous fingers threaded through his hair and made him want to go wild. It was so hard when that soft voice enticed him and whispered his name. The silver-haired teen broke the kiss with difficulty.

"I'm not mean Sora" Riku murmured. Sora looked confusedly at him. "I'm not mean, so I'm not going to teach you everything today." Sora opened his mouth in protest but Riku gently covered those perfect lips with a finger. "I want to make love to you Sora" he said, flushing slightly. "But I don't want to hurt you, so I'm not going to do it today."

_And then, before his brunette crush could say anything else; he kissed him. _

_Sora's knees trembled as Riku kissed him; as he captured Sora's bottom lip and sucked gently; causing zinging sensations to flare all the way up his body. Riku's tongue was so hot as Sora allowed him to push him down on the pillows. Silvery hair was a curtain as the brunette's mind was suffused in a golden haze that was Riku. _

Riku was aware of how dangerously close he was to losing his last shred of self-control. Even as he helped Sora remove his shirt and tossed away his own there was very little stopping him from going all the way. But he loved Sora, and if he was going to remain sensible; this would have to be enough. The golden skin under his fingers jumped as he let his mouth explore Sora's neck, as he watched a perfectly rosy blush spread from one cheek to the other.

"S-Sora" Riku mumbled, his breath hitching as the brunette's hands slid underneath his boxer-line.

_Sora watched hungrily as Riku blushed at his sudden adventurousness. This was making Riku feel good...very good. He watched excitedly as he moved his fingers lower, grazing his lover's almost painfully excited member. Riku's eyes glazed over and his hips jerked downwards, into Sora's curious hands. _

No...wait, this wasn't right. Sora was going faster than he was! Riku looked indignantly down at the mischievious brunette, the sneaky smile on his indescribably cute lips was infuriating. Reaching down also, Riku flicked open Sora's pants and fumbled with his boxers. Sora's hands were already doing things to him that should have been completely illegal. Riku could barely stifle the excited groans that were threatening to escape. Yanking down Sora's undergarments, Riku found what he had been looking for and got to work.

_"Nnnn" _

_The hand Sora had been using to pleasure Riku trembled and paused as his head lolled back into the pillows. Sora watched with slight indignance as Riku's perfect lips curled into a smug smile, as his hot breath brushed across his cheek as he leaned down for a kiss, thrusting his tongue into Sora's mouth. The world was golden to the brunette; as if filled with a heavy thick haze that concentrated on nothing but the pleasure he was experiencing. _

Riku was slightly disappointed by the fact that Sora's hand had stopped its tentative ministrations on his currently aching erection. But the look on his lover's face was making up for it just the same. The flush in his cheeks and the moans rising up from his throat were turning him on more than the brunettes clumsy actions had been. Riku broke the kiss and his mouth left Sora's to idly suck on his neck, then travel over his delicate collarbones. He grinned as Sora writhed beneath him, arching his back slightly. The silver-haired teen allowed his mouth to wander lower, over the planes of Sora's chest and latching onto a delicate yet perfectly pink nipple; the affect was instantaneous. The brunette flushed even more deeply, his mouth opening so that his tongue ran over the edge of his lips.

_"R-Riku" Sora mumbled._

_"God" _Riku thought wildly. _"I want him, I want him so badly it hurts."_

"Do you feel good?" Riku growled, nipping an exposed earlobe.

"Riku…stop" Sora gasped. "I'm going-going to-to."

Riku allowed his hand to pause and Sora let out a moan of frustration, his brown eyes swimming with desire. The silver-haired teen chuckled.

"Do you really want me to stop?" he murmured, letting his breath ghost over Sora's chest. Sora blushed, seemingly caught between admitting defeat and his own desire to make Riku feel good. "Here" Riku slurred, pressing Sora's hand against him again. "Let's do this together."

Sora blushed and Riku groaned; his hips plunging downward as Sora's hand got to work once again. He wasn't going to last long; which was unsurprising. Feeling pleasure in the hands of the person you've wanted for over four years can do that to a guy. Still, it was a little bit embarrassing…embarrassing until Sora's buddy shuddered under him and ribbons of white spilled down Riku's hand and filtered through his clasped fingers.

_Release was an explosion for the brunette. His whole body tightened like an instrument strung too forcefully. The world grew hotter and the air grew thicker as all sensations shot from his groin to his head, paralyzing him in pleasure. Everything moved out from under him and he was left floating in a rampant oblivion of sensations and colors and fulfillment. And then it was gone and he was looking up into Riku's still-hungry gaze. Sora pressed his palms flat against his chest, forcing his lover to sit up slightly and give him a curious look. And then without further ado, Sora leaned forward; and gracefully took Riku into his mouth._

Yeah. He wasn't lasting another sixty seconds at this rate.

Riku groaned and covered his face slightly with one hand while the other bunched tightly against the sheets. Sora's mouth was silken around him; warmth and moisture driving him to the point of insanity. Every suck; every stroke of his tongue sent him closer and closer to the edge.

_Sora was almost ready to go all over again as he felt Riku's member harden from his actions. And the 'I want all of you' look in those aquamarine eyes didn't help either. But as Riku's hands tangled in Sora's hair and the words that spilled from his mouth became more lustful and less coherent; the brunette knew he could wait until another time. It was now that was important. _

Cumming into Sora's mouth was the last place Riku had expected to finish that day. But when the heady beckoning of release came over him he didn't have the mind-set or the rationality to try and pull away. Every ounce of love, every suppressed desire spiraled out of him within that moment. It was almost enough to make him cry. That would have been really lame. Riku felt his body shuddering as his eyes grew heavy lidded; as he watched Sora swallow and lick his lips.

"Come here" he garbled, rolling onto his side and pulling the brunette towards him.

_Sora closed his eyes contentedly as Riku kissed him once more; stroking long fingers through his tousled hair. _

"I love you Riku" he whispered softly.

_"I love you too Sora" Riku murmured, his eyelids already closing with exhaustion. "I've loved you since the moment I met you."_

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Reality was like being doused with cold water.

Sora sat up with a gasp; his hair obscuring his vision before he yanked it away in a panic. The halogen lights from streetlamps outside was flooding in through the diamond-pane sunken into the door of his apartment. The shape of his couch loomed out of the darkness from across the room.

The brunette groaned and flipped over-ignoring his raging hard-on-and checked his alarm clock. Five in the morning, fantastic. He had to get up in an hour anyway. Moving more slowly than usual, Sora took his time rolling up his mattress and stowing it away. Kneeling on the floor next to the wooden drawer he had so recently opened, the younger man fought back the tears threatening to rise.

That had been the last time.

It had also been the only time Riku had dared to touch him so intimately. Sora had been slow to respond to his friend. In fact, he hadn't even known he was gay until the silver-haired then-teen confessed to him in a blurted rush. He'd been terrified. His best friend was in love with him; what other reaction would have been appropriate?

Sniffling, Sora wiped his tears with the sleeve of his pajamas, stumbling away from the offensive area to switch on the news. At some point, it decided to rain. He decided that things couldn't possibly get worse if they tried.

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Reality was suddenly filled with painful flashbacks and cold sheets that he no longer wanted.

Sitting up in his hospital bed shivering, Riku officially wanted to die. His pants suddenly had a problem that thinking about Sora would only increase. His pulse ox was beeping like nuts and he knew it was a matter of moments before Leon burst into the room to humiliate him thoroughly.

He had thought about suicide before, but now it seemed like a one-way trip to Heaven. Sora was invading his mind. Riku gritted his teeth, trying to block out the sensual images flying through his head.

It was so _intimate. _Every bit of it was real, it had happened. He had spent days trying to block that one single memory out of his head. No, he'd never made love to Sora. Riku whimpered quietly under his breath.

Maybe it was out of sheer respect, because he knew the brunette wasn't ready. Sora had been-_was _the most precious thing on earth to him. There was no way he was willing to push the brunette into something that he wasn't ready for. Waiting had made it so much sweeter... and so much more painful to forget. Regardless of the fact it had been merely touching, Riku remembered feeling like he was flying on Cloud nine.

The door to his room burst open and Riku resisted the urge to scream like a little girl. Leon stared worriedly at him, his mouth opening to ask what was wrong. Then his gaze wandered down to the painful problem Riku was trying desperately to hide with folded hands and bunched hospital sheets. There was a stammered apology and the door closed as hastily as it had opened.

Riku fell back into the pillows and begged the ceiling to fall down and bury him alive.

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Thanks for reading! Expect the next chapter around the same time this coming week.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**Note: **Single section story. Early upload for kicks. Second section Sunday.

**Blahblahblah:** Whenever I see the name Hira, I think of Hira from Natsuki Takaya's _Phantom Dream. _Suffice to say it is **not** that Hira.

**Additional:**

**imortal173:** Ahaha nope! Just a tease:) However, I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I often feel like the whole Soriku aspect is underplayed because of Sora's innocence and naivety. I wanted to 'break the ice' delicately, so to speak...but then I just dove in. I am seriously terrible with writing the lovey dovey stuff. It doesn't come naturally to me, so it's a relief to know the quality was at least tolerable. Thank you again for your continued reviews!

**Fayt80:** Many thanks to you as well! I was trying to make it a 'go by instinct thing.'It's not really a sequel but a story previous to this one(prequel?). I don't have any intentions of posting it, mostly because of the maturity level and my obvious lack of writing skills. Aftermath can be read separately and I'd really like to keep it that way. My alternate site is on my homepage and the story is available there but I am so embarrassed by it... I just can't find it in myself to torture a dedicated reader like yourself by posting it here. It just sucks. (**SPOILERISH) **nope not Yuffie. I will probably make a lot of enemies saying this, but I don't like the majority of Square Enix females. Namine, Aerith, Tifa, Paine, Yuna, Rosso, Shelke and Lucretia are pretty much the only women I can tolerate. I'm not necessarily saying the others are bad, just that I can only take so much of them before I feel my IQ decrease you're talking about the Sephesis, I haven't begun on it yet. I won't really have a conclusive back story until this one is finished so that is a while away.

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**Chapter 10**

_"I've come up with something but it's crazy."_

It was snowing so hard Riku could hardly believe the taxi driver could see. White flurries danced across the window in front of him only to be whipped behind by a fierce and unforgiving wind. The detective was sitting next to him; his face barely visible with the black scarf wrapped around his neck and the dark bowler hat that just obscured his dark and glittering eyes. His name was Kuroki; Yuri Kuroki. Riku didn't think he'd come across a stranger combination of names, but whatever worked.

It was nearing dusk, though one could hardly tell the time of day with all this damnable snow. The driver was too busy focusing on navigating the streets to talk about anything. Riku's discharge at the hospital had been swift. He'd been able to give his sister a hug, thank Leon, and leave through a back entrance in a heavily armored van. The safe house was innocuous as possible. Situated near Rikugien; the place was unoccupied save for one other tenant that the silver-haired individual very rarely saw.

Kuroki had given him five days to get settled in; which was long enough as far as he was concerned. It was like being trapped in a cage, staring out at a world that Riku doubted he would ever be a part of. On Friday, Kuroki had come with the taxi to pick him up. Standing outside the gates, the older man greeted him stiffly before ushering him into the cab without a backward glance.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Riku asked. "And why do you get to be dressed up and I don't?"

"We're not in a position to discuss anything" Kuroki replied stiffly. "You're not wearing a suit because I don't want to draw any attention to you. As for where we're going, we agreed to this a long time ago."

And that was the end of their conversation. _Shiroi Bara _was located near Koto, about twenty five minutes away. It wasn't the longest ride Riku had ever taken, but the silence made it both annoying and agonizingly slow. Pulling up onto a curb; Kuroki instructed him to cover his head with a hood, and then took him down the alleyway next to the brightly lit club.

"I need you to point out everything you remember about this place" he said quietly. "If we can get Hira, you're free. Do you understand me?"

"Yes" Riku said wearily. "But I'm telling you that he isn't going to be here."

Kuroki looked doubtful.

"We'll see."

Skirting snowflakes; Riku lead the older man into _Shiroi Bara. _There was a blast of warm air that momentarily distracted the silver-haired man; then Kuroki jabbed him in the back, and he moved forward again. The club hadn't changed. The navy-blue flooring was crisscrossed with large oak panels shaped like diamonds, the bar was a sandstone-colored marble, reflecting the neon lights of fuchsia halogen rectangles covered in white parchment hanging from the walls of the bar. The stools lining the counter top were a pale beige with black legs, looking into small votive candles that were spaced accordingly across the glassy marble. Humongous rectangles of crisscrossed metal divided the VIP lounge from the general public. Large, arched windows stared out onto the blizzard-ridden streets; beige curtains drawn aside to emphasize the view of the snow.

_"Youkoso irasshai mashita! Watashi no namae wa Koemi, otetsudai shimashouka?" _

Translation: _Welcome! My name is Koemi, can I help you?_

The hostess bowed and smiled, her gaze flashing across Riku to look at the better-dressed detective.

"Thank you Koemi" Kuroki said, bowing formally. "Two bar seats please."

"Of course sir."

"What are you _doing?" _Riku hissed as they lined up behind Koemi. "We're here to look around and get out if you haven't forgotten."

"You can't walk into a restaurant in Japan and not partake of their services" was the cold response. "It would be stranger if I had refused her. Surely you know this."

Riku retreated, stung. If anything because the man was right. It wasn't particularly crowded, the silver-haired man wasn't sure if this comforted him at all. Kuroki ordered whiskey, Riku ordered water. He wanted a clear head.

"Hira normally sits in the VIP area" Riku began after their drinks came. "We're not going to get back there unless we know someone."

"You know someone" Kuroki pointed out.

"Someone who wants me dead" he shot back. "If he's even _in _there-which I seriously doubt-Hira will have five bodyguards minimum. Just you and me isn't enough, Kuroki-San. You need an entire squad in here for anything to work properly. And if you manage to get that; you'll draw enough attention that Hira will be gone by the time you part those iron curtains."

"I don't think I've made myself clear" Kuroki said lazily. "You figure out a way to get Hira, I give you your freedom. Take as long as you like, but I want a solution or you go away for life. You're not a bad person, but I'm not generous." He set his glass down on the table and leaned back slightly on his stool. "Figure it out Riku. But it has to happen tonight."

Riku stared incredulously at the man across from him. Some part of him was desperately wanting to punch him in the face; another part was wanting to cry hysterically.

"May I go to the bathroom?" he asked tightly.

Kuroki gestured for him to proceed with a smirk, then turned to call for the barkeep again. Navigating his way between the tables; Riku lunged towards the lavatory and shut himself inside a stall without a backward glance. Sitting down on the lid; the silver-haired man looked up at the ceiling, his heart pounding. He hadn't realized how much this meant to him until now. Yeah, he wanted his freedom. He wanted out of the mess he'd gotten himself into. He wanted to apologize to Tifa and his Mum. But most of all he wanted Sora. Riku took a shuddering breath. There wasn't any way around it anymore. Some subconscious part of him had realized that a long time ago, but now he acknowledged it.

Eventually, the jazz music flowing from the speakers overhead calmed his nerves and allowed him to think more clearly. Hira came to _Shiroi Bara _to recruit people, never to conduct business. He ran a hand through his hair. Tonight. _Tonight. _Even if Hira was here, it wasn't enough time. Riku narrowed his eyes. A recruit would be someone large and thuggish or extremely professional and intelligent. He himself had been a rare case. "Lucky" if you will. Finding Hira wouldn't be the problem, getting close would be the real test of his skill. Sitting on the edge of a toilet seat, Riku came up with a crazy idea. It was so insane he almost brushed it to the side, but desperation made him consider everything.

"I've come up with something." The lights at the bar were nearly blinding after being in the lavatory for such a long time. Kuroki eyed him lengthily before gesturing for Riku to continue. "I've come up with something but it's crazy."

_"Koketsu ni irazunba koji wo ezu" _the detective said lightly, raising an eyebrow. "The crazier the better."

Riku took a deep breath to collect his thoughts.

"I'm going to see if Hira is in the VIP lounge, if he is I'm going to approach him and ask him to take me back."

Kuroki raised an eyebrow.

"And how do I come in?"

"More than likely, Hira will want to talk to me privately. He won't see me as a threat as long as I'm alone. There's a back room in the lounge that seats two people, I want you to wait in that room. Once we're in there, you need to act fast; because it's likely Hira will try to kill me."

The detective was nodding slowly.

"Let's get this over with then."

Riku nodded and turned away from the older man. Kuroki stood and retreated to a stool on the far end of the bar, making a show of hunting through his pockets. Looking over to the receptionist stand; Riku waved at Koemi, who smiled and walked over to him.

"How can I help you, sir?"

"Koemi, one of my friends is here in the VIP lounge. His name is Hira, is there any way it can be arranged for me to speak to him?"

The dark-haired woman hesitated, her gaze roaming over his face.

"Let me see if I can locate him" she said pleasantly. Turning, she disappeared between the metal screens. Riku turned back to the bar and folded a napkin between his hands, keeping his gaze trained on the entrance to the enclosed area. After a few minutes, Koemi re-emerged with a large; thuggish looking individual. "This way if you please sir."

Smiling, Riku stood and followed her. It took a lot of effort not to look back and make sure Kuroki was following. The lights in the VIP lounge were dim. The silver-haired man was led to a booth with four bodyguards surrounding it. Hira was lounging in the rear of the booth, his hair obscuring his face.

"This man requested to see you" Koemi said cheerfully.

"Riku" Hira said pleasantly. "What a pleasant surprise, come sit down. You may leave us Koemi." The girl bowed and retreated back into the main part of the club. Out of the corner of his eye, Riku saw Kuroki disappear into the back room. "You know" the older man drawled. "I'm quite surprised to see you here. I was under the impression you deserted."

"Your men beat the shit out of me" Riku replied with equal frigidity. "I'm lucky not to be dead."

"Surely you've realized the nature of your punishment" Hira continued. "Why are you here?"

"I want back in" Riku said bluntly. "You need me, I'm the best wing-man you've had."

"So confident" Hira leered. "What makes you think I'm going to be forgiving?"

"I didn't desert" the silver-haired man continued stubbornly. "I was hospitalized with severe brain trauma."

Hira eyed him coldly, his gaze traveling across Riku's face. The younger man was all too aware of the Mafia man's capability to detect falsity. Schooling his face to be blank was harder than he thought it would be.

"Gentleman" his boss said to his bodyguards. "Riku and I are going to have a private chat in the back room. Stand outside and make sure no one disturbs us." The thugs around them chuckled gleefully and hastened to do as they were bid. Hira rose gracefully and beckoned for Riku to follow. The silver-haired man did so hesitantly, hoping the Kuroki would hold to his word. The velvet curtains parted and his anxiety increased. Where the hell was the detective hiding? The place seemed far more cramped than he remembered. "Riku" Hira said slowly, drawing his attention back to the present. "I can't give you what you seek."

He feigned surprise and insult.

"Why not?"

"Because I have no guarantee you haven't spoken to the police in your time away" the man continued. "You've never been fully loyal to me, Riku. It's what made you so invaluable. I don't know what you were working towards or what you were hoping to get out of this, but I am not a man to cut corners or take unnecessary risks." Riku caught the glimmer of a shotgun barrel being dragged out of Hira's pocket. "This is the end of the line Riku." Where was Kuroki? Riku slowed his breathing, assessing the situation more thoroughly. He was fairly positive Hira was about to blow his head off within in the next thirty seconds. If Kuroki didn't act soon he would be dead. "Why do you look so nervous Riku?" Hira asked, a deceptively pleasant smile on his face.

_"Yamete!" _

He wasn't sure where he had come from, but Riku had been fairly positive there was no room for concealment within the enclosed space. And yet, Kuroki had appeared out of nowhere; drawing his gun and aiming it at the back of Hira's head. It happened in a split second; he wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't been expecting it. And then Hira moved. Normally, an individual with a firearm pointing towards their cerebral area has the sense and constitutional value not to make sudden movements. As it was, Hira seemed to have none of these. The Yakuza subordinate seemed to rotate in his seat, some freakish spring sending him in an impossible vault backwards.

The seat hadn't moved; Hira had made the maneuver on his own. Kuroki's hand faltered-a combination of shock and ill preparedness-lowering slightly. Riku knew there was little time to repair this fatal mistake. Grabbing at the glasses set before them; the silver-haired man shouted and swept them off the surface with his arm. When Hira turned slightly to see what the commotion was; Kuroki regained his composure. Squaring his feet, the detective took precise aim, and fired a round into Hira's shoulder.

To his credit, the man didn't even cry out. With a pained grunt and wince, Hira went to his knees. Blood formed around his lips and Riku heard Kuroki curse.

"I hit his lung, he needs immediate medical attention."

Hira's eyes focused on Riku and a wry smile was wrought on his face.

"Well played, Westerner."

The silver-haired man smiled wryly.

"Thanks."

There was no time to react to what happened next. Even so, Riku felt as if the chain of events happened in slow motion. Hira raised his gun, his eyes flashing triumphantly. The myopic smile turned into a roar of defiance as he pressed the barrel to his own temple...and pulled the trigger.

When the second shot rang, the bodyguards standing by the door became restless. The velvet curtain hiding their view shuffled and Kuroki cursed.

"Come with me" he hissed.

Riku, still dazed from what had happened; offered little resistance. The AC unit above their heads was loose. As Hira's cronies burst into the room, the two of them escaped through the ventilation system. Kuroki wasted no time hailing a taxi and peeling out into the street. It wasn't until they were ten minutes away that he began to speak again.

"I'm sorry."

Riku shrugged.

"It doesn't matter, he's dead anyway."

Kuroki shook his head.

"Hira wasn't the subordinate you thought he was. He's a very reputable member of the Yakuza who fell on bad times. We didn't want him to acquire the power he once had" he shifted in his seat. "You're young. I was so excited to be able to catch him I forgot myself. For that, I apologize." He reached into his pockets, drawing out a card and a small book. "This is your alien registration card. I did a bit of digging and was able to find your personal information. This is your passport, this took a little longer but I was able to obtain a new one and cancel the validity of your old one."

Riku took the items reverently, for once genuinely grateful.

"Thank you" he said quietly.

"Don't thank me yet" Kuroki chuckled. "This is also for you."

Riku took the item hesitantly and observed it. It was a badge; a police badge to be specific.

"What's this about?" he asked dryly.

"I'd like to hire you" Kuroki said idly. "As my protegee. You have a lot of potential, and you have the street smarts."

"I...don't know what to say" Riku said quietly.

_"Arigato?" _Kuroki replied, smirking. The taxi had slowed to a stop outside of the safe house. "This will be your home until you are able to obtain another one." Riku looked dazedly at him. "You're free now" he added, smiling. "If you decide against your employment with me, it won't hur t you either way. Good night, Riku."

Getting out of the cab, Riku watched as it pulled away from the curb again. Cool air blew against his face, kicking up snowdrifts and reminding him that it was still winter. It wasn't until he was kneeling in front of the space heater in his little apartment that the thought came to mind. Well, not exactly a thought, a name. Picking up his cell; he dialed the number frantically-heart beating in his chest.

_***"Hello?"***_

"Sora."

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**Translations: **

_"Youkoso irasshai mashita! Watashi no namae wa Koemi, otetsudai shimashouka?": _Roughly;Welcome! My name is Koemi, can I help you?

_"Koketsu ni irazunba koji wo ezu": _If you do not enter the tiger's cave, you will not catch its cub. i.e. : "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

_"Yamate!": _Informal, "Stop!"

_"Arigato": _Thank you

Thanks for reading! Expect the next segment no later than Sunday of next week.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**Blablahblah: **Section one in the first few paragraphs. That is MY list of expectations in other men so pleaze do not flame me if it is not necessarily yours.

Also, it's occured to me that many of my chapters end with characters passing out and getting mysteriously attacked or mauled. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing... But it presents a kind of fucked up euphemistic world of gorgeous men just lying all over place. I only realized it at the END of this chapter so I will try to clean that up somehow.

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**Chapter 11**

_"Because he's Axel."_

Somehow, Axel always made time for him.

The blonde wasn't sure why the redhead went out of his way to arrange things for them to do, no one had made so much effort for him in his previous relationships. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Axel's actions; it was simply baffling.

"Wanna go to the beach sometime?"

It was freezing. There was snow all over the ground; the sun reflecting off it was nearly blinding. Roxas imagined that he resembled an overly large duckling stuffed into six sweaters, three pairs of pants, four woolen socks, extremely ugly rubbers and three scarves he had dug up from who-knows-where. Axel didn't seem to mind the cold as much. He almost appeared to be sweating under a long winter coat with dark green mittens and a mustard-yellow neck-warmer Roxas would have very much liked to set on fire permanently. When the blonde had come shuffling out of the cozy warmth of the staff room to join him for a cup of coffee across campus, Axel's comment had made him stare in disbelief.

_"You look good."_

The reality of being attracted to the same sex was lack of commitment. Men rarely came out of the closet until their mid to late twenties if they came out at all. Roxas knew a kid named Hayner who had come out in High School and committed suicide. Being a gay adolescent was brutal; oftentimes it was easier to wait. Once said person was 'out'; this usually led to a string of acceptance and love seeking sex flings until the individual was so over-sexed they were ruined for anything but whoredom. Roxas had nearly gone down that road. The problem with being supressed until such a late age was that everything hormonally hidden up until that point suddenly got released and thrown into the wind. Partnership was hard because sex was great and commitment was extremely picky. When it came to long-term relationships everything got so much more complicated. There was music prefrences, color-coordination debate, whether or not drag was acceptable, wardrobe credibility, driving expectations, commitment, level of education, sense of humor, hairstyle, income, taste in shoes, taste in totes, taste in wines and foods, and-of course-overall ability to be a loving, caring, and preferrably attractive-for-as-long-as-possible partner.

Roxas scratched his nose.

Not that his personal list was quite as long or nearly as ludicrous but he did have some standards. He flushed as Axel wrapped an arm around his waist. Needless to say, the redhead surpassed _all _of them-

"Rooooxxxyyyyyy."

Snapped back into the previously incandescent present by the insulting explicative Axel was using to substitute his name-Roxas huffed angrily.

"Don't call me that!"

"Well, fine. I'll just go to the beach by myself. Brat."

Normally smirking lips tilted into a pathetic and totally irrisistable pout. Red lashes made brilliantly green eyes half-mast, brows falling apart in an expression of total devastation.

"O-oh" the blonde stammered. "No! I want to go with you!"

Axel smiled.

"Great! This weekend?"

Roxas nodded tentatively.

"Yeah. Sounds good, I have something I want to talk to you about."

"O-okay."

Axel smiled crookedly and Roxas couldn't help but be caught in his gaze. No matter what he did, he couldn't bring to light the hesitation Sora had about accepting the individual walking next to him. It was too hard and too ludicrous. They just fit together, and Roxas had no room to argue.

"Thanks for doing all this for me" he murmured, almost unconciously.

Axel's face lit up in a brilliant smile.

"It's a priveledge for me, Rox" he replied, winking.

The blonde flushed.

"Don't tease me."

"I'm not" was the the solemn reply.

Those emerald eyes were so captivating, it was irresistable. They were getting closer too, Axel's breath was passing over his cheeks, his focus directed on the blonde's lips. They stopped in the middle of the path-light trapping dust motes in wide beams-filtering through the leafless trees on either side of them. Long fingers came up to caress Roxas' cheek, a slender arm snaking around his waist to pull them closer together. The blonde responded hesitently, bringing his right hand up to steady himself on Axel's shoulder-the other extending to mimick the redhead's facial caress on the opposite side.

Roxas offered no resistance; there was no reason for it. Instead, he felt a soft whimper escape from him as a warm mouth closed over his own. Axel was a . He'd realized that the first time he'd had the experience. A skillfull mouth sucked at his bottom lip, tongue slipping out between teeth to tease the rosy soft skin between. Those enticing fingers laced into his hair, gently pulling blonde strands before pushing delicately at his temple. Roxas complied without thinking, tilting his head to the side so that Axel could assult his neck. His hands dug into the redhead's shoulders, anticipation making his body tingle.

Instead, tantalizing teeth grazed his earlobe-only to be replaced by a mischevious tongue. Roxas couldn't help it, he groaned and pushed his hips up. He'd long ago realized neither of them would have much patience to go slow. It was almost as if it had been long coming. The redhead shuddered and returned the intimate sound, though softer and with less abandon. The blonde dimly registered that they were still in public, but Roxas could care less. Those teeth scraped his ear again and he gasped. This time he ground enthusiastically against Axel, who backed up slightly, obviously trying to control the intimacy of their public display.

"Rox-"

-Disappointed, Roxas drew away to demand more of him when his world tilted. An immense sensation of vertigo slammed into him as the sidewalk wavered and very nearly disappeared. The excitement that had risen within him with such force was quashed just as quickly as he found his legs suddenly unable to support him.

"Roxas! Are you okay?"

Axel's face swam in front of him as if underwater. He vaguely felt himself lose his lunch. Oh. Sexy.

"Sick" he groaned. "Call...Sora...relapse."

"Okay, okay."

Roxas attempted to fumble in his pockets but ended up on his knees on the sidewalk.

"Need...number...in...my...cell.."

"Don't worry about it, I already have it."

Something about what Axel said struck a bad chord with Roxas. Why did Axel have Sora's number? Yeah, they were collegues and all. But it wasn't like either of them went out of the way to hang out. His vision was growing increasingly tilted, Axel was shouting something, but all Roxas could register was the concrete rushing to meet his forehead with alarming speed. There was the sensation of a dull ***thud* **and darkness...

_"Roxas!"_

_"Yeah?" _

_"Open the door."_

_"...No."_

_"Why're you so embarrassed?"_

_"...Because it's you...I love you."_

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The phone was ringing. Cloud vaugely registerd this through his medicated haze. The shrill tone permeated his semi-concious state, causing the light flooding in through the windows to his room to seem doubly bright. Groaning, he rolled over on the hospital bed and reached for the receiver, fingers trembling as he pushed the 'answer' button.

"Hello?"

***"Cloud Strife?"***

"Speaking" the blond said wearily.

***"This is your local police station, ."***

He sat up, dread pushing away his grogginess to flood his senses.

"Is everything alright?"

***"A Zack Fair was admitted to the hospital last night. He requested we call you."***

Cloud barely registered the cold that invaded his body.

"...What happened?"

***"As of right now it seems that someone invaded his residence and caused him bodily harm. He fell into a coma a few hours after his admission so we can gather no further details at this time. The individual has not been identified or located."***

"Was there any motive?" he muttered.

***"No, Zack only recently took up residency in this state. He has no criminal record. It seems the person acted with no clear motive. We suspect it was a robbery."***

"Oh God" Cloud whispered, his palm rising to cover his forehead. "Is he going to be alright?"

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

***"...That is unclear at this time, ."***

"Thank you for calling" the blonde whispered.

He dropped the phone onto the receiver, his hand trembling. The last few days had been unbearable. Zack hadn't written him back, either that or his letter had been intercepted and destroyed by staff. Cloud hadn't been lying when he said his new nurse was a menace, she was a six-foot tall Germanic woman who enjoyed poking him in all the wrong places. He bit his lip. How was he going to get in contact with Zack? It was a miracle the call had been allowed through.

Cloud leaned behind the bed; seeking to retrieve the call button he had dropped in his haste to acquire the phone. Swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress he pushed the 'call' button. A rough voice flooded the tiny speaker a few moments later.

_**"Can I help you Cloud?"**_

He cleared his throat nervously.

"Yes. I'd like to call my brother on Skype, if that would be alright. Can you put me through on the my computer?"

_**"Of course. One moment please. When his call comes through, accept it."**_

"Thanks."

The connection was severed and Cloud sighed with relief. This would be easier. If he could convince Roxas to discharge him or demand temorary visitation, he could go and see Zack at the hospital. The blonde's mouth formed a thin line. The issue was getting his brother to believe him. He reached under his bed and pulled out his laptop. It was pretty old, he'd been thinking of ordering a new one. Cloud doubted the nurses would deny him the use of technology. Flipping the device open, he logged in and opened his Skype; typing in the necessary password. He then sat back and waited, anticipating the moment when his call went through. What had happened to Zack? Who in the world would want to cause him physicial harm? Cloud startled slightly as the "accept call" prompt popped up, he hurried to comply, smiling as Roxas' face appeared onscreen.

He appeared slightly hassled, his hair disheveled. There was a confused, slightly panicked look on his face. Roxas' expression didn't improve as he looked at Cloud, blue eyes traveling across his face and down to the IV trailing from his arm.

"Hello?"

Cloud grinned.

"Hey bro."

Roxas leaned forward and Cloud's view was blurred momentarily as he adjusted his screen. He then sat back and looked at him, a serious expression on his face. There was the hushing sound of static as a piece of fabric was accidentally dragged across his microphone.

"You look...good."

"Yeah well they've got me on a lot of meds" Cloud chuckled. "How're you doing?"

Another fidget. Looking behind Roxas, he noted that his door was slightly open-as if Roxas had just been coming in when his call went through.

"...Okay. You know, usually you don't call me."

"Yeah well you kind of hopped off to some foreign country and left me in a loony bin."

Roxas flushed and tugged at his collar. He was wearing a tie, he must have just got home from work.

"It was...a precautionary measure. You know you still needed treatment."

"Yeah well, I don't need it anymore" Cloud snapped. "I want out, Roxas. I'm sick of this shit."

Blue eyes widened.

"...They're done treating you?"

"No, they're pumping me full of any and every kind of downer humanely possible in order to keep me here and keep you dishing money out of your pockets."

"You've had no relapses?" Roxas pressed. "No hallucinations?" Cloud hesitated and his brother's mouth formed a thin line. "Tell me the truth, Cloud."

"I...I did...I saw Sephiroth a few weeks ago..." Roxas opened his mouth to butt in, but he plowed on. "But only _once _Roxas! Just once!" he said desperately. "And Zack came."

There was silence after that. Silence as the person on the other end of their connection processed what he had said. Blue eyes narrowed and searched his own, trying to detect any kind of dishonesty or deception.

"...Zack? Zack came to see you?"

Cloud grinned, his mind playing back the brief encounter.

"Yeah, it was...great."

Roxas looked shocked.

"He still wants a relationship with you?"

"It's a long story" Cloud replied, leaning back slightly. "But I have full confidence that he does." He flushed. "...Very full confidence."

Roxas groaned and covered his face.

"Okay...I'm seeing where this is going. Let me guess, the two of you did something highly inappropriate that goes against _all _Shinra procedures in the room you are currently in. Zack has been banned from campus and you seek to follow him." His hand slipped to reveal his eyes, which were narrowed and angry. "You do realize that your impulsiveness will only make your discharge so much more complicated-_if _I somehow cave and decide that you are sane enough to remove from campus?"

"Um, you may be right in some aspects."

Roxas swore and stood, disappearing from Cloud's view. He reappeared in the background a moment later, pacing.

"You do realize that discharge from facilities like this are extensive and highly complicated?"

He stopped and glared at Cloud.

"Yeah. I know. But I _need _to get out. Zack is in the hospital."

Roxas raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"I don't know" Cloud said miserably. "I just got the call, they think it was a home invasion. They said he's in a coma Roxas."

Roxas came to sit on the couch again, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Zack called me, Cloud."

He was taken aback.

"...What?"

"Zack called me, but he got a hold of my boyfriend."

Cloud's eyes narrowed.

"Boyfriend? Considering how loose you've been for the past couple of years, that's quite an improvement."

"That was college" Roxas snapped, heat rising to his ears. "Anyway...this guy is different."

"Mmm, I'm sure. What's his name?"

"Axel."

Cloud wasn't positive he had heard correctly. He'd been momentarily distracted by the reminder of Zack's visit. Then again, he was pretty sure Roxas had just said 'Axel.'

_"Axel?!" _

Roxas' turned redder.

"I know it's a weird name, but he's a really, really cool guy Cloud. He's everything I've ever wanted in someone. If...we work out I'd like you to meet him. He's from our area of New York." He took deep gulping breaths, trying to ignore the fact that his pulse was rising erratically. "Are you okay Cloud?"

"Roxas" he said slowly. "Does he have ridiculous red hair and green eyes?"

His brother looked shocked for a moment, then suspicious.

"Yes...how did you-"

"-Is he a total asshole with no regard for anyone outside of you?"

"Yes but he's not all that bad-"

"-Roxas" Cloud cut in. "Do you know the name of the person who you got in a car crash with?"

His brother shook his head slowly.

"...No, you guys wouldn't tell me."

"Roxas, his name was Axel Shoundoa. You knew him since childhood, you were lovers when the crash occurred."

His brother's face drained of all color. Hands that had been resting on his knees curled impulsively in his lap. Pain and agony flashed across Roxas' face only to be replaced by confusion and hurt.

_"What?" _

Cloud took a deep breath.

"Roxas, the person you're just starting a relationship with now...I'm fairly sure he's the same guy."

A head was shaken violently.

"No-no that can't be right. It's just a coincidence."

He turned around and yanked open a drawer next to his bed. Shuffling through the mass of papers collected inside-Cloud located the faded photograph he had hidden at the bottom. Drawing it up from the depths of the container, he raised it and turned it towards the screen. Roxas looked sick, his shoulders slumping-lip trembling as he reached out to touch the picture. Cloud knew what was on it. They were standing outside of the Manhattan high school both of them had once attended. Axel was wearing plaid shorts and a lime-green T-shirt, DC shoes and a skateboard under one arm. His other arm was wrapped around Roxas-sporting khaki pants and a black shirt with a checkered pattern running around the seams. He carried a heavy-looking book bag but his arm was around Axel just as jubilantly. Both of them were smiling. Both of them were in love.

"What does this mean?" Roxas whispered.

Cloud sighed and put the photo down.

"I have a hunch." He wearily rubbed a hand over his face. "When you didn't remember him, Axel left the country to get an education. He was heartbroken. I seriously thought he was going to commit suicide. Sora gave him the money to leave and he took it." Roxas looked completely lost. "He always wanted a job at a school" Cloud continued. "Something that let him interact with students but not on an overly personal level. What does he do?"

"Overseas consultant" Roxas mumbled, rubbing his arms as if suddenly cold.

Cloud nodded.

"It's a damnable stroke of luck you wind up in the same country in the same school" he sighed. "Anyone but Axel would have run away screaming and never looked back when you walked in the door" he blew a strand of hair away from his face. "But I know Axel, so I'm assuming he decided to strike up a friendship with you."

"But, why?"

"Roxas, you've known each other since either of you could barely walk. Axel's been to every birthday party you've ever had up until you were seventeen. You can't blame him for wanting to form a relationship with you, however small or slight. The fact that you even accepted it shows some part of your consciousness still recognizes him and responds to him. You hate strangers, you've punched quite a few of them. Anyone with Axel's sardonic personality that approached you would have ended up in a lake or run over or something." Roxas looked miserable. "And-of course you both fell as hard for each other as before. I can't imagine what this must be like for Axel."

"God" his brother whispered, tears glittering in his eyes. "How can he even look at me without crying? I feel like an ass."

"Because he's Axel" Cloud sighed. "I'd like to punch him in the face right now. Since you're thousands of miles away my mind has forced me to take a rhetorical and logistic look at your situation."

"I don't even know what to do" Roxas muttered. "I like him" he admitted. "I mean I _really _like him. We were just at the park and he asked me to go to the beach and-" he paused and shuddered. "But if I can't remember I'm just _torturing _him Cloud!"

He drew his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, arms coming around to wrap about his shins.

"Cloud?"

The Germanic nurse was back sporting needles. Somehow, Cloud failed to understand a woman's need to duck under a threshold in order to enter his room. Lisly somehow fit these criteria to such a ridiculous degree that she not only needed to bend her head, her shoulders also necessitated a slight rotation so that her girth could compensate her height. Whenever she entered his room there was a moment of contraction and expansion where Cloud was fairly sure there would be no room for him once she had settled back into her normal spacial capacity.

"Hello Lisly" Cloud said pleasantly. "I've been waiting for you my dear."

Lisly grunted and he yelped as a needle was inserted into his arm with necessary force. There was a cold sensation as the medicine was injected into his system. There was a groaning and grumbling sound as she squeezed herself through the door again and then Lisly was gone. Cloud groaned as morphine raced through his system.

"Woah" Roxas said softly, momentarily distracted from his situation as Cloud listed to the side. "How much do they give you?"

"Idunno" he slurred. "Enough to make me feel alive...and dead...and alive." He perked up for a moment. "Why did Zack call you?"

His brother shook his head, a head that was becoming increasingly blurred.

"He didn't tell Axel anything, just that he needed to talk to me."

"Mmm I see" Cloud muttered, sitting up to try and regain some semblance of decorum.

"I'm going to get you out of there, Cloud" Roxas said softly. "I owe you."

He smiled.

"Thanks Roxas, that would mean a lot."

"I'm...gonna go now, but try and take care of yourself. Okay?"

"Are _you _going to be okay?" Cloud countered. "I just threw a lot of information at you in a short amount time."

Roxas smiled, a little bitterly.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's not like I'm not used to getting unexpected and unremembered news."

The connection was broken and Cloud sighed, running a hand through his hair before closing his laptop. It was nearing afternoon, no telling when his lunch was going to come. Hopping out of bed, he slid his PC under the bed and jumped over the cold tiles to pull out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. After he had dressed, he paged the nurse's station to ask if he could take a walk on the grounds. With his request for permission accepted, Cloud pulled on socks and shoes and headed outdoors.

If it was the last thing he did, Cloud planned on doing Zack justice and making sure he was okay. There wasn't anything in the world he would rather do. A snowflake hit his nose; ice spreading through his veins as he looked up at the slate-colored sky. As more tiny, white crystals began to fall, Cloud couldn't help but feel that the end was coming fast.

Whether it was for better or worse...only time would tell.

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Yes I did just kill off Hayner.

Thanks for reading!

Expect the following chapter next week around this same time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts

**Blahblahblah: **I harp a bit on Sora's view of Riku in section two. Sorry...I really like Riku lol.

I made this a 3 section due to Axel's POV being shortish

**Additional:**

**imortal173: **Thanks again for your continued reviews! At the beginning of the story I thought Roxas might remember gradually as well. But I kind of figured that was expected. It's not over yet! That's all I can say :P

**Fayt80: **Many thanks to you as well :0) I agree, Hayner's role is minimum to nil; he went out as a good example and that's really all I could do with him.

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**Chapter 12**

_"Fuck it"_

It was at times like these that Axel often questioned his sanity. His love-interest was convulsing on the sidewalk and he was frantically dialing said-interest's brother instead of 911...or whatever it was in Japan. Then again, love had driven him to do crazier things. Like push the aforementioned individual off swing-sets and steal his lollipops just in order to to get a reaction. His conversation with Sora was brief. The petite brunette shouted something about "holding another call", "epinephrine in Roxas' pocket", and "I told you so stupid." The exchanged ended abruptly and Axel was left to stare stupidly at his cell before diving into Roxas' pockets for this mysterious epinephrine.

By now, Roxas had stopped seizing and was staring vacantly upward at the sky above them. Unsure of whether administering the medicine was still necessary, the redhead shook his friend experimentally. Golden eyelashes fluttered as Roxas gave a startled gasp and sat up as if stung.

"Hey" Axel said uncertainly. "You okay?

A nod and a grunt. Alabaster fingers combed through honey-colored locks. Axel turned away to allow him a moment to compose himself. It was rapidly becoming colder, the late afternoon wind turning into bone-chilling evening gusts. He had papers to grade and fax to Larxene before he could relax for the night.

"Sorry."

Roxas' voice was hoarse, as if he'd just woken up from a long night's sleep. Axel felt a pang of guilt. If this was going to happen every time he and Roxas attempted to get intimate, it wasn't worth putting the blonde through constant trauma. Not only was it selfish, it was unfair.

"Don't blame yourself" Axel said bitterly. "It's not something you can control." He steadied the blond as he attempted to get to his feet. "You want to go get something to warm yourself? I know a great coffee shop a few blocks from here."

The blonde winced as if the redhead had insulted him. Axel sighed and looked away. Roxas was the type of person to push away that which made him weak or vulnerable. Right now, Axel was the most emotionally impactful thing he could probably recall dealing with. He bit his lip. In some ways, Sora had been right. Roxas was relapsing, and most likely having minor flashbacks.

_"How long before they become full-blown flashbacks?" _a nasty voice in the back of his mind whispered.

"No thanks" Roxas said shakily. "I have some papers I want to grade at home. You don't mind, do you?"

Axel forced a smile.

"Yeah. No problem. Is the beach still on?"

Roxas blushed and ducked his head to hide a fleeting smile.

"Of course, Axel."

The feeling of relief that flooded through his was overwhelming. The redhead couldn't help but smile in return.

"Great, I'll see you at the station on Saturday."

Their parting kiss was brief, hesitant. Axel didn't miss the way Roxas flinched, as if on the alert for another episode. Sadness exploded in the center of his chest, washing over his soul in a cold, wave-like fashion. No matter how he looked at it, how much he reasoned with himself, Axel was _hurting _Roxas. That was the last thing he wanted. And as he watched the blonde's retreating back disappear through gathering snowflakes; Axel's resolve became clear. He had to tell him. Before Roxas mentally destroyed himself, or someone else beat him to it.

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Sora could remember the moment that Riku had confessed to him.

He looked down at the coffee in his cup, imagining the tension-ridden scene in his mind. Chemistry class had been torture, the entire school was abuzz. The excitement had been totally unrelated. Well...mostly. It was the day Axel Shoundoa, the school's heart-throb and debonaire, had come out and said he was gay. Everyone had been shocked and disbelieving. Most people called it a gag-there was no way he could be gay-he'd be back breaking girls' hearts by Monday. Riku had been irritable; shunting away Sora's opinion of the situation with sharp words and impatient gestures...

_"...Sora, you're not paying attention to Ansem."_

_"Professor Ansem" Sora corrected, knocking Riku's pencil away. "And I'm not paying attention 'cause we already studied this last night, right?"_

_"No. We studied the basics. Now Ansem's teaching the core. Pay attention or you won't get the concept. It's a little more complicated that you might think."_

_"Is there something you want to share Riku?"_

_Ansem's eyes were glowing dangerously, his lip curled in a feral snarl. Sora sighed as Riku scowled at his brother. _

_"Nothing terribly important, Ansem."_

_"I may be a student assistant, but you still have to address me as 'Professor' the silver-haired man snarled."_

_"Not if you're my brother" Riku snorted._

_"We are not related!" Ansem shouted. "Riku, you may stay after class!"_

_Deciding a change of subject was in order; Sora raised his hand._

_"What, Sora?!"_

_"I still don't understand your theory on Stoichiometry."_

_"What don't you get about it?" Ansem sighed, deflating._

_"I'm not understanding the concept of the empirical formula."_

_"Empirical formulas show which elements are present in a compound, with their mole ratios indicated as subscripts" Riku hissed in Sora's ear._

_Sora's brow furrowed._

_"So the empirical formula of glucose is CH2O, which means that for every mole of carbon in the compound, there are 2 moles of hydrogen and one mole of oxygen? Am I getting that right?"_

_Ansem nodded slowly._

_"That's correct, why were you so unsure about it?"_

_"Dunno" Sora muttered, ducking his head. _

_Riku shot him a grateful glance._

_"Let's move on to the next chapter. We'll be studying Polymer Chemistry. Can anyone tell me a key concept within this study?" _

_Demyx raised his hand, Ansem gestured for him to continue._

_"Cation" the blond said confidently. _

_"Redox" Riku groaned. "What chapter've you been looking at, Dem?"_

_"Perhaps you'd like to share since you're so smart" Demyx snarled._

_"Ebulliometry" Riku snapped back. "Determination of average molecular weight of a dissolved substance from the boiling point elevation of the solution."_

_Sora threw a spitball at Seifer, who in turn retaliated with a gum wrapper. _

_"Sora, you and Riku can both meet me after class. Axel! What seems to be the problem?"_

_The redhead leaned against the door frame, a self-satisfied expression painted across his face. _

_"No problem" he said nonchalantly. "Just enjoying the show."_

_"If there is no problem, you may exit."_

_"Okay, okay" Axel snickered. "Vexen wanted to know how things are going, and if you were having as much trouble with Riku and Sora as he does."_

_"Probably more" the young student-instructor replied. "Are you gonna be in English? I'll fill you in then." _

_"I'll be there with bells on" the redhead said airily, exiting the scene._

_"Fag!" the silver-haired man called after him._

_"Yeah yeah..."_

_"Coming back to the lesson" Ansem muttered._

_Sora watched the exchange with narrowed eyes. _

_"So Ansem already knows" he murmured to Riku._

_"Ansem's in on everything" the silver-haired teen muttered back. "It was only a matter of time."_

_"Demyx already knew about it in Algebra" Sora murmured, taking down some notes. "I think that our general group knows. How do you think Roxas is taking it?"_

_"Dunno" Riku mumbled, picking at his desk.."None of my business I reckon."_

_"And what about you?" Sora asked._

_Riku faltered, dropping his pen._

_"W-what about me?" he stuttered._

_"If it works out for Axel, are you gonna come out too?"_

_Riku's face drained of color, his hands gripping the edges of his desk so hard his knuckles turned white._

_"Sora, do you know what you're saying?!"_

_"Riku, it's not exactly a secret that you're homo."_

_Sora didn't understand his friend's reaction. It was a known fact Riku was gay, they guy just didn't have it in for women. The silver-haired teen raised his hand._

_"What Riku?"_

_"May I go to the nurse?"_

_"No. You're fine. Please define for me osmometry."_

_The bell rang as Riku opened his mouth to retaliate, his face as white as a sheet. _

_"C'mon Riku" Sora sighed. "If we hurry we'll make it to lunch."_

_Sora tried to ignore the panicked tension emanating from his friend. It was unreal; had Riku __**really **__thought no one had known? _

_"Sora" he muttered as they entered the lunchroom._

_"Hey Sora!" He tried to make a suave effort of ignoring his best friend as Pence slapped him a high-five. This didn't need to be more awkward than he'd accidentally made it._

_"Pence! I heard you and Olette went to the movies a few days ago."_

_"Sora" Riku said, raising his voice slightly._

_"Yeahhh, we did. We're not dating, just friends...sorta."_

_"Sora!" Riku shouted._

_The lunchroom grew quiet for a moment, eyes turning towards the agitated teen. _

_"What, Riku?" Sora said, his voice hushed, embarrassed._

_"I need to talk to you" Riku said tightly. _

_"Can we talk later?"_

_"Now."_

_Sora followed reluctantly as Riku stormed out of the lunchroom was on the fourth floor, overlooking the city through floor to ceiling windows. Riku took the stairs two at a time, angrily beckoning behind him to the sixth floor. By the time they reached the library; Sora could practically __**see **__the tension rising in the air. Grabbing two study hall passes, Riku pointed him to two couches in the back of the immense room. Sora sat down tentatively, eying Riku apprehensively._

_"How long have you known?" Riku said tightly, pulling his knees up to his chest, not looking at his friend._

_"Forever" Sora said calmly. "I mean, I started to get it in sixth grade, when you turned down eight girls in one day. I mean, Namine's asked you once, and Kairi's asked you like, five times. They're the prettiest girls in the school. Even Yuffie asked you, and she's older than us."_

_"That' doesn't mean I'm...that way" Riku muttered. "It just means I wasn't interested."_

_"You dogged Marluxia all of last year" Sora plowed on determinedly. "You even looked through his gym stuff one day, you took his photo ID. I remember."Riku flushed crimson. "You stopped talking to him once you found out about his affair with Larxene, you were really upset. You didn't come to school for a week."_

_"So why didn't you tell me you knew?!" Riku demanded._

_"Because I thought you already knew that everyone knew" Sora stated calmly. "I just figured you weren't 'out.'"_

_"Omygod" Riku growled, standing up and putting his hands over his head. _

_"It's okay to be different" Sora said sympathetically._

_"No Sora" Riku said harshly. "It's not okay. Nothing you've said within the last twenty minutes has been 'okay.'"_

_Sora's gaped at him._

_"I'm not following you" he said slowly. "What're you so upset about?"_

_"The way you're approaching me with this" Riku snapped. "You're treating me like-like some sort of-I don't know-__**freak**__." _

_"No I'm not" Sora said, calmly. "I'm telling you it's okay."_

_"That's what they all say!" Riku yelled, earning incredulous looks from the librarian. "You're supposed to act like it's __**nothing**__" he hissed._

_Sora scowled._

_"Well you were all gung-ho about dragging me out of the lunchroom in front of dozens of people and coming up here to rail on me for an obvious stupid-" the brunette sputtered, looking for the words to say. "Stupid-stupid!"_

_"Because I __**like **__you" Riku hissed._

_Sora froze, the impact of the words hitting him like a slap in the face. Wait...Riku liked __**him? **__But...he and Kairi had just broken up a few days ago, Riku knew Sora liked girls. Why in the world would he like __**him? **__It was impossible to know the right thing to say. His friend's expression told him he hadn't even meant to express his feelings. Sora took a deep breath._

_"I'll just pretend you didn't say that" he replied calmly._

_"Y-yeah, you do that" the silver-haired teen muttered, his eyes clouding with pain.. "I-I'm gonna go to the nurse."_

_"Are we studying tonight?" he asked half-heartedly. _

_Riku paused, halfway to the library door._

_"No, Sora. You get it now..."_

_"...We don't have to tutor anymore."_

"Hey."

Sora closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the familiar voice. It was soft and husky, just as it had always been. There was the breath within it, the apprehension and the fear that he felt as well. Slowly, he turned around to face the owner of that voice.

"Riku" he said softly.

They were standing in front of the sashimi shop Axel had taken him to. The streets were crowded and cold; snow falling from the sky to join the slush and sludge on the ground around them. Bicyclists rang tiny silver bells on handle bars; wheels throwing up the slurry congealing on the sidewalks. People rushed by talking urgently together in a language that was suddenly foreign to Sora. All that mattered was that he was looking at Riku.

Riku in a black flight jacket; a deep blue sweater peeking out just above the zipper, like a swatch of ocean thrown into a cradle of onyx. Riku in washed out jeans with a hole in the knee, one hand clenching and un-clenching nervously in the pocket. Riku in Nikes and black finger gloves with the tips cut off-fingers red with the stinging cold. Riku with silver hair falling over perfect cheeks; like a fountain of ivory and vanilla ice-cream. Aquamarine eyes like gemstones, narrowed with cold and apprehension. Riku, with an expression that spoke nothing but remorse and desperation.

Sora took a deep breath to steady himself-to keep himself from just launching himself at the man opposite him. Riku smiled...just slightly...-jerking his head towards the sashimi shop.

"It's cold" he said quietly. "Want to go in?"

The brunette nodded, not trusting his voice. The bell jingled as they entered, sending a soft but rhythmic echo around the little shop. The manager smiled and hurried over to hand out menus. Riku ordered for both of them and Sora didn't stop him; Riku knew what he liked.

They took seats near the back, behind a Shoji-esque divider screen. Shedding his coat, Sora couldn't help but be conscious of Riku's eyes on him. They burned like fire...and a small part of him liked it.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Sora asked stiffly.

Riku's gaze slid away from him, a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. The brunette immediately felt sorry; and then subsequently furious with himself for his remorse.

"Yes" the silver-haired man began. "I did."

The minutes seemed to tick by as Sora waited for Riku to beg for him back. He waited for him to cry, to get on his knees...only so that the brunette could reject him as cruelly and finally as had been done so long ago in the opposite order. Every time Riku seemed to get close to speaking he stopped and shook his head disgustedly. The manager came with their food and the man across from Sora hadn't said a word.

"Were you going to say something?" he asked tightly.

Riku winced as if stung, then sat back and covered his face with both hands.

"Fuck it" Riku muttered. "Look, Sora. There's no good way for me to go about this" he lowered his palms. "I left you, and I acknowledge that it was possibly that worst thing I've ever done. There's nothing I can do to assuage the pain I put you through." He took a deep breath. "I love you so much, Sora. Nearly every happy memory I have involves you. When I left you, my life ceased to have joy." Sora fought back the tears that were threatening to flood his cheeks. Riku smiled crookedly. "I'm in no position to argue my reasoning, but I ended our relationship because I was sure Ansem's reputation would follow me no matter what."

"That doesn't even make sense" Sora whispered. "I didn't care about what Ansem did, I just cared about _you."_

"Yeah, but you might have cared about what people would say to you if you stayed with me. I didn't want to subject you to that. Someone like you deserved a chance at a good future."

"Riku" Sora said shakily. "I didn't _want _a future, all I wanted was you. Why didn't you talk to me about it? You just left. There was no room for me to give my opinion."

"I know" the silver-haired man replied. "And believe me, I regret it. My intentions were just, but ultimately the outcome was anything but." He sighed. "In any case, I'm free now. I can have a normal life" he looked calmly at Sora. "I want that life to have you in it, but if you choose otherwise I understand."

Sora sat back and fought his conflicting emotions. Their food had been left forgotten long ago. Riku had never lied to him, that was one thing he could give him credit for. Ever since they'd been very little the silver-haired individual had never let a falsity pass his lips. Sora had no reason to doubt him.

"I...want to be with you too Riku" he said slowly. "But you have to understand why I'm scared. I'm afraid that no matter how hard we try this fear that you'll leave will always be with me" he looked squarely at his former best friend. "Neither of us deserve that kind of worry hanging above our heads."

"I know" Riku repeated. "I'd be the same way if our situation was reversed." He pushed a hand though his hair. "I'm not gonna to say _"I can make it up to you"_ or _'gimme another chance'. _I guess..." he hesitated and chewed his lip. "I guess I just wanna let you know I'm here, I care, and I'm so, so sorry."

Sora exhaled violently, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the seat of their booth. There were a few moments of silence between them as he took time to rearrange his thoughts. After a while, Sora raised his head and looked shyly at Riku.

"Do you...remember when you ran after the ice-cream truck?" he murmured.

Riku grinned, his eyes glimmering at him from across the table.

"Yeah. I was so pissed that guy drove away while you were walking up."

"You chased that van three blocks down" Sora chuckled. "I couldn't believe it."

"Destroyed my sneakers" the silver-haired man sighed, shaking his head mournfully. "But you were standing there creating a puddle on the sidewalk with your tears. If I didn't get you a Choco-Chocobosicle the entirety of Manhattan woulda been underwater within minutes."

Sora scowled.

"I didn't cry! I had allergies."

"Yeah, sure" Riku snorted. "We all stand on a sidewalk with snot running down our faces and tears spouting from our eyes with allergies. Sora, you're Mum is a health nut. No way she would have let you run around with a sensitivity to pollen for more than ten seconds."

The blush that spread across Sora's cheeks was unstoppable. Riku was grinning sardonically across from him, silver hair hanging haphazardly over one eye. And that was all he needed.

"I missed you" Sora said softly.

Riku's smile gentled.

"I missed you too Sora."

A slender hand stretched across the table, opening palm-up in front of him. Sora smiled and accepted the simple gesture; covering Riku's fingers with his own. Somewhere in his pocket his phone was ringing furiously, but it didn't matter. There was only the two of them; cut off from the world in a moment that seemed to hang suspended. The snow came down harder; snowflakes pressing intricate shapes against the windows and sliding away to leave frost... Somewhere, Roxas was crying hysterically alone in his apartment. None of this was known to Sora.

There was only Riku.

Riku...and the soft halo of flurries that framed ocean-colored eyes.

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"I wanted to give you this..."

_Something glittered faintly in the darkness of his mind. It was like looking at the black mirror of water and chasing that faint caress of sunlight that chased across a ripple. A smile, and blue eyes blinked turning up with laughter and joy. _

"...I won't forget."

_Hands...cupped as if receiving communion. Fingers tensed and then relaxed; splaying to reveal a pendant. It was an ace of spades, wrought in intricate design and color. Hanging from a single silver chain it was as thin as a piece of paper..._

"Zack."

Something soft, like a dream in a dream covered in a velvet mask. He turned his cheek to the side, aware of the IV that was in his arm and the stethoscope that was currently checking his heartbeat. There was the sensation of falling-and then being pulled back up. Something was beeping in the background...a heart monitor...

"Doctor, his brain waves have spiked. He might wake up."

...What happened? His hand reached out and grasped starched and scratchy sheets. Everything smelled harshly clean.

"We're under strict order to not allow it. Give him some more morphine."

He didn't feel injured...why were they giving him narcotics? Almost as he thought this, a sharp pain lanced up his side like a fierce electric current. It snapped across his spine and ended at his shoulder blades. Ah...so maybe he _was _damaged in some way or another. There was a rattle and the sound of plastic being rustled.

"But...sir...we cannot keep him here if he is no longer in critical condition."

"It's just for a little while my dear."

It was like dissolving in his own skin. Everything felt disconnected and separated from consciousness. Reality was falling into a dark drain that swept away remnants of awareness or discomfort. Wrapped up in a cocoon of sentient numbness...floating...

_"Goodnight..."_

Time was...insubstantial. It was like existing outside the concept of hours, minutes, or days. Oblivion was beautiful and eternal. Maybe this was how Cloud felt...like some disembodied wraith vaulted into a realm of violent color and awareness only to be sucked out by some needle and a liquid that held the power of night.

_"How long?"_

Voices faded and warped, kind of like listening to a conversation underwater. The light grew harsher, blasting his warm hole of myopic existence into some forgotten memory. Consciousness was agony...light was agony. People were shouting, screaming. It smelled like smoke. The heat...the heat was so intense.

"Zack Fair."

The voice wasn't Cloud's. It was deeper and held a strong undertone of command. It was hard to open his eyes; sealed shut for so long-his lids felt like prison bars. Slowly, he came to realize that the place where he was wasn't bright at all. In fact, the electricity seemed to have been shut off.

Scanning the room around him, he registered the hospital bed set at an incline. There was the IV stand, the heart monitor, the various medical equipment necessary in a hospital. And yet..something was wrong.

Unless he was in the burn ward, the cries around him shouldn't have been so loud or so panicked. Someone shoved a pair of jeans and a T-shirt into his hands.

"Get dressed."

Again, that commanding voice. This time, he took note of the fingers. They were slender but powerful, detached and elegant at the same time. They also happened to be tightly encased in black leather. Looking up, he felt his heart stop. It was none other than the man in the picture in Genesis' office. One couldn't forget such a strong persona no matter how hard they tried. Sephiroth smirked, tilting his head like a bird of prey before turning away.

Zack held his clothes loosely, still confused and disoriented. The tall man in front of him was wearing his usual trench coat; but it was entirely zipped up. Gloved hands were clenched and his arms devoid of the usual vambraces. The smell of gasoline was powerful around him, something Zack had seen only a few times before.

The screams were only increasing in volume, as was the feeling of searing heat. It was only then that he noticed the flickering glare of red light glowing outside of the door to his room. Flames wreathed the door frame like a sinister halo...making the entryway seem akin to an entryway to Hell.

The entire hospital was on fire.

"Gaia" he whispered.

"Hurry up. We don't have much time."

Putting on his clothes was a mechanical effort. Every fibre of his drug-addled body protested against it. His hands shook as he dragged the shirt over his head. All the while the scent of smoke grew acrid and thick. Zack's breath caught in his chest and he coughed desperately. As if sensing when he'd pulled his shoes on, Sephiroth turned again and gestured for him to get up.

"...Why?"

The questioned came out strangled, his vocal chords screaming in protest.

"I made a promise" was the dark reply. "Come."

The silver-haired man disappeared through the flame-wreathed door like a wraith. Zack took a deep breath and plunged after him.

He had seen a lot of things in the war. Zack had watched comrades get their heads blown off by enemy fire, cursed in silence as a land mind blew up an unsuspecting scout. He had seen an entire military base blown up behind him as he exited the premises on a solo perimeter run. His nightmares were overrun with images of fellow soldiers being slaughtered and left for dead. This was different.

Patients and doctors ran left and right, some trying to douse the spreading flames, others writhing in pain and terror as the roaring blaze overtook them. Zack's breath caught in horror and despair. These were _innocent people. _None of them were soldiers or enemies of war. Even with the sirens wailing feebly in the distance, the majority of them wouldn't survive. Zack wasn't even sure how Sephiroth intended to get them out.

"Did you do this?" he asked bitterly as the turned a corner next to a receptionist's desk lit up like Christmas.

"Yes" was the calm reply. "Is there an issue?"

"To anyone with a conscience, burning up a hospital full of patients would be a severe issue" Zack replied through gritted teeth.

Sephiroth paused and considered him silently, his gaze flickering across his face and then away. There was a hint of impatience and disdain, thin lips curling in scorn.

"I have never been one for subtlety" he said shortly.

He then turned and began to stride away again.

"You can't tell me that you set an entire medical facility on fire in order to save _my _ass" Zack growled.

"Considering they were keeping you here to prevent you from seeing Cloud, I think that would be obvious" was the cool reply.

"Since when have you cared about my livelihood" he retorted.

"Since you came to Genesis for assistance, and he in turn asked for mine."

The taller man set his foot against the door to the stairwell, positioning himself. He then drew back and gave it a precisely aimed kick. The door crumbled; revealing a dark and smoke-filled recess.

"This could have been dealt with more humanely" Zack coughed as they made their hasty descent.

"Could it?" Sephiroth asked lightly.

Another door and the two of them were out in the slightly less-dense air of the parking garage. The screams of the individuals still trapped inside the burning building was suddenly silenced as the entranced closed with a _***bang* **_behind them. Stalking across the parking lot; Sephiroth made no move to keep Zack from running away. In fact he seemed to encourage it, lengthening his strides in order to put more space between them. They had nearly made it to the exit when the charismatic man veered left; towards a sleek looking 1962 Thunderbird.

The man sleeping behind the wheel was unmistakable down to the glorious head full of silky red hair. Zack found it particularly strange that a man as wishy-washy as Genesis might snore...but then again, it didn't seem so weird if he thought about it to a greater extent. Sephiroth had paused directly in front of the vehicle, his expression switching between exasperated and amused. He shut a surreptitious look at Zack, then moved fluidly around to the the open window seating Genesis. Leaning forward, the tall man delicately reached past the auburn-haired individual's nose and leaned on the horn.

The effect was instantaneous and extremely memorable. Genesis gave an extremely undignified shriek, his shoulders tensing as he shot up from the headrest-a wild look in his eyes. At the same moment his head hit the top of the vehicle, drawing another yelp-this one of pain. Blue eyes fell on Sephiroth and widened with recognition and then narrowed with rage.

"Seph! Goddess, are you _trying _to give me a heart attack?!"

Retreating from the open window, the silver-haired man folded his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Consider yourself lucky. If you were one of my employees, your head would be rolling around somewhere in the back seat. If I can't trust you with sentry duty-"

"-Spare me" Genesis groaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. "While you were off setting a hospital ablaze I dutifully remained in the car, devoid of excitement. This was a simple procedure, don't act like it was the end of the world." He glanced at Zack. "Hello again, glad to see you're still mentally stable."

Zack scowled.

"You approve of this tyranny?"

Genesis looked surprised.

"What? Seph didn't tell you? You're a wanted criminal, the fact that we were able to get you out of there at all was a miracle. Desperate times call for desperate measures if you want to get all cliche and phrasy about it. Though '_tyranny'_ works just as well for me."

He was shocked.

"W-wanted? Why?"

"Mmm, something about instigating unnecessary actions from a patient in a mental facility" the red-haired man replied lazily, checking his fingernails. "They were going to lock you up for sexual perversion." Zack was in a numb state of disbelief as Sephiroth ushered him into the rear seat of the vehicle. _'Sexual Perversion'_?! It had been completely consensual, even Cloud would admit that. Hell, he'd asked for Cloud to be called the minute he was admitted. Zack gritted his teeth. He was a _war hero, _as good as a veteran if not for his dishonorable discharge. Things like this didn't happen to people like him. "We're going to take you to Vermont" Genesis continued. "After that, we're shipping you off to Japan. You can't stay in the country as a wanted man, technology is too advanced. Even if we shaved your head and put you in contacts they'd find you. Your appearance is too distinguishable. Sephiroth will go with you, he has...connections there." They pulled out of the parking lot. "I will follow after, I have to make sure the business is taken care of."

"And you're just gonna hop off with me?" the dark-haired man asked tightly.

"Our actions in years previous have led you to your current situation" Sephiroth said from the passenger street.

"I didn't know you were the type to reconcile personal debt" Zack spat.

"We're not" Genesis said airily. "In case you hadn't noticed, Seph just set fire to a hospital. So, we're kind of running on thin ice in this country as well."

"That doesn't answer my question" he said bitterly.

"If it is not enough that we have come to your aid, then it may be best for you not to question anything" Sephiroth replied, an icy warning behind his deceivingly nonchalant tone.

"I have to get Cloud" the dark-haired man said desperately. "He _needs _me!"

They had turned away from the hospital; which was blazing like a beacon behind them. The firetrucks attempting to put out the conflagration were struggling. People continued to stumble out of the entrance.

"Forget about Cloud" Sephiroth replied. "If we would allow you to visit him now, it would put both of you in danger. They might attempt to medicate him further."

"I don't understand" Zack muttered, slumping back in his seat. "Cloud is _one _patient of many that provides income to that place. Why are they so obsessed with keeping him there."

"Shinra asylum isn't exactly...noted for their ethical version of treatment" Genesis said calmly. "They are a high-class facility that takes patients with unique inhibitions. Cloud is a prime case because of his memory loss. More than likely he is being used for an experiment."

They were heading out of the city, merging onto the interstate and heading North.

"For now, content yourself with the fact Roxas is watching over him" Sephiroth said smoothly. "There is nothing you can do to help Cloud, he must help himself."

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Thanks for reading!

Expect the next chapter by Sunday of next week at the **latest.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts

**Additional: **There is an army base near New York City; I altered the name for decency's sake. I really don't think the military wants to be associated with a cheesy fanfic.

***AHEM*** Lemon. Yes. Lemon. There. I said it twice. Thou hast been warned.

For those who don't mind; as I've said before I am so bad at the lovey dovey stuff, if you see something I can improve I _beg _you to let me know.

Long Cloud flashback/backstory POV.

I literally got this chapter done at the last possible minute which is not how I normally do things.

**immortal173: **thanks for your reviews as always. Looking back on chapter 12 I realized there were a few text errors I should have cleared up before posting and that is...quite embarrassing. For Axel; I think that he was considering merely telling Roxas before anyone else did. The first section was a flashback which is a bit confusing and ill-placed. However I did incorporate a potential break-up upon seeing how confusing that might be in future chapters so thank you very much for unintentionally pointing that out. I'm very glad you liked it^^

**Fayt80: **Much gratefulness to you as well! As I stated to immortal173 there were a few very painful text discrepancies that I grit my teeth over after I realized what they were and how they could be confusing. Yes section 1 of chapter 12 was a flashback; I failed to make that clear and seeing as the section was short it was even more confusing as the scene was almost instantaneously switched somewhere else. But yes you did interpret the chapter correctly which was a miracle considering the content. I'm thrilled to hear it was still enjoyable though :o)

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**Chapter 13**

_"It's just a bit hard."_

Cloud had met Zack in basic training. He didn't remember exactly how it had happened; just that he'd fallen from something and gotten caught. Mid-way up a practice net on the obstacle course to be specific. Most of the soldiers had cracked references to his name and his awkward position. Dangling upside down with a bunch of jackasses running past and begging you not to rain on them was a really miserable situation.

He'd been hanging there for ten minutes when Zack jogged up. To his credit, the dark-haired man didn't laugh. Cloud had been permitted his last shred of dignity as he was helped down and brushed off. His glimmer of self-victory didn't last long; Cloud's pride took another nosedive when he promptly fainted from blood displacement five seconds later.

Coming to in the barracks was a jolting experience. Primarily because Cloud had been dreaming of his mother's apple pie while unconscious. The culprit of his nostalgic dream was located soon afterwards. Zack was sitting at the bottom of his cot eating a red delicious. There were a few minutes of silence between them; during which the dark-haired man didn't look at him. Cloud had plenty of time to think back on his miserable afternoon. By the time Zack had finished his apple; the blonde had convinced himself that he was being given a dishonorable discharge, and this was how his drill sergeant had surmised to mock him before his dismissal. And then Zack began to talk.

_"...So, where'er you from?" _

_"...Bubble City."_

_"Uh, sorry?"_

_"Nanuet. It's... in New York."_

_"Ahh, I'm from NY too."_

_"Yeah? Whereabouts?"_

_"Booogiiee Dowwwnnn."_

_"...That's even weirder than mine." _

_"Whatever, it's the Bronx."_

_"That makes a lot more sense."_

Zack had laughed and tossed the apple core over his shoulder. Standing, he'd proffered Cloud his hand.

_"The name's Zack. Zack Fair, Private First Class." _

_"Cloud Strife. Sorry for all the trouble."_

_"Don't worry about it, everyone has a bad day."_

And so it went.

Both of them had been transferred to Virginia for basic training. Neither came from particularly wealthy families; having someone to talk to from the same state was a blessing in disguise. Not to say there weren't other trainees from New York, but none of them were quite as welcoming as Zack. Zack invited Cloud to play cards when no one else would, Zack sympathized with the struggle and frustration of boot camp, Zack tolerated Cloud's constant needling for advice and reassurance.

Rising through the ranks was both exhilarating and alarming. Zack excelled far faster than any of the other recruits; which drew resentment from the multitudes around him. Cloud didn't see his friend's excellency as a cause for jealousy. Instead, he viewed it as a constant motivator. When they were shipped out to participate in combat, he couldn't help but marvel at the sheer determination Zack had to succeed and to help others to do the same. Cloud loved the thrill of combat; he reveled in the adrenaline, excitement, and the drive to honor his country in battle.

And then the call came...nothing was the same.

Roxas was his cousin by legal standards. Cloud's Aunt and Uncle were-in delicate terminology-really terrible people. They ran a well-known trafficking ring in New York. Roxas was their glorified protegé; the one that would succeed the family business when they were gone. Cloud had spent many a family reunion listening to the little kid cry. Roxas didn't want to live the life of a criminal, he wanted to move forward honestly in all aspects of his life.

_" ...Roxas' parents...killed in a shoot-out with the Manhattan police yesterday night...the HIkari's have children already...you are the only relative without children who has the income to support him."_

Cloud's own parents had died when he was eighteen. He'd enlisted in the army almost immediately afterwards. Life had left him very few options with which to move forward and he'd chosen the most logical position. He knew what it was like to fear for his future, and he didn't want Roxas to have to do the same.

_"My pension is my only source of income, Zack."_

They'd been on temporary reprieve in Maryland. Cloud had gotten the call early in the morning, before the bell had rung for mess. With no family to turn to for advice, Cloud had turned to Zack. Standing in the slowly lightening barracks, the dark-haired man was silent; his eyes sweeping the blonde's face.

_"What're you gonna to do about it?"_

_"I don't know, but I can't leave him like this. He's just starting High School, he deserves to have a good home." _

The insanity of it was that the army accepted both of their requests for transfer to New York. Zack was stationed in Fort Hampshire; having decided to be a drill sergeant. Cloud had told him he didn't have to come; that it was his responsibility, but the dark-haired man wouldn't take no for an answer. Cloud requested a temporary leave; in order to help Roxas settle in.

When Cloud said the first few months were 'hard' it was a significant understatement. Roxas was sullen and withdrawn; he didn't do well in school. Cloud did his best to make him comfortable, but it was hard when all the shorter blonde did was cuss, make pointed threats, and sneak out. To his credit, he was escaping every weekend to hang out with his friend Axel. But Cloud still experienced regret that he couldn't do anything to get closer to Roxas himself.

It was a gradual incline, with a lot of help from Zack. The dark-haired man came from a large family. He was the eldest of six brothers and eight sisters. Cloud had once voiced his disbelief of the fact.

_"If you saw my Mum, you'd believe me" _was the dry response.

Roxas was a box slow to open. Cloud had returned to service before they even had a civil and sincere conversation. Both of them had agreed to refer to each other as brothers. Their resemblance was so painfully shocking no one questioned it. To say that he wasn't happy during the time he spent 'raising' Roxas would be a lie. Learning to value someone else's welfare over his own was a life-changing experience. Cloud came to view it as an honor and a pleasure.

And then there was Zack.

When they were struggling; Cloud had taken the dark-haired individual's presence for granted. Zack was a constant presence that guaranteed no matter how hard it became with Roxas; he always had someone to turn to for advice. For a long time, Cloud didn't bother to question why someone with such a promising future would give all of it up just to help him. It was enough that he was there, Cloud felt questioning the fact would only put his delicate sense of security in jeopardy.

Cloud wasn't sure when he began to question Zack's constant presence as something different. Maybe it was when he'd dragged Roxas three blocks by his ear because he'd stolen cigarettes from a convenience store for Axel. Cloud had stared in astonishment as the dark-haired man tugged the sullen teenager through the door of their apartment and demanded he tell his 'brother' exactly what he'd done. Or, maybe it was when Zack had offered to pay for a month's rent Cloud hadn't been able to cover. Roxas' class trip had drained his bank account to a greater extent than he'd originally anticipated. Hysteria didn't even cover his state of mind.

_"I'll pay for it." _

If anything, Zack was the ambiguous 'father figure' that flitted in and out of their lives at a constant and steady rate. Roxas had probably acknowledge it sooner than Cloud; he'd always been slower on the uptake than most.

And then there was Aerith.

_"I have twenty-three tiny wishes, but you probably won't remember them all, so I put them together into one... I'd like to spend more time with you."_

Somewhere along the line, Cloud had realized that the fact they were fighting over the same woman was both ridiculous and a waste of time. And then there was the fact that Aerith didn't do anything to dissuade either of their advances, which was both frustrating and extremely confusing. Zack had backed off first, retreating into his world of shouting and drills.

Cloud had given up on her the day Roxas had told him to wake the fuck up and realize that no matter how pretty Aerith was; she wasn't worth the loss of Zack's friendship. Cloud had called it off and immediately phoned Zack to apologize.

_"Oh, I didn't really want to date her. I just didn't want you to either." _

A few weeks later; following the aftermath of Axel's sudden and alarmingly bold leap out of the closet; Cloud had accidentally found out his brother wasn't partial to women. This was all surmised behind closed doors and it had an instantaneous effect on his relationship with Zack. Cloud wasn't sure if making out with your best friend in an elevator was instantaneous or spontaneous...it just happened that way.

Moving forward with their relationship was slow progress. For one, because Cloud didn't have much experience previously. And two, Zack's strict schedule prevented them from meeting up as often as they would have liked. There was also the fact that Cloud wasn't sure he was gay. But he had to agree that if he could sport a boner while making out with a man in a moving elevator; that was a pretty sure sign.

And then there was sex.

It happened faster than he thought it would. If Cloud had seen it coming, he might have prevented it. In any case, there wasn't any warning and it was so amazing and so unavoidable there was nothing he could possibly do.

_"Cloud" _

_"...Zack"_

_"Don't talk" _

Maybe it was those mako-infused eyes that were crawling all over his skin, igniting sparks, searing tendrils through his body. It was almost like he was arousing him with his eyes. Cloud could remember trembling as Zack lowered his head; their mouths brushing just slightly...

...Then again, it could have all been some far away misanthropic dream. Something distant, like the Northern Lights on some Appalachian peak. Twisting contortions of pleasure and agony melded into the breathlessness of light...

_"Hhh"_

A vague sigh, as if from far away; zinging sensations passing through him. Lips so close...and so inviting. Shudders as a tongue invaded his mouth. Capturing it, sucking on it, watching as Zack stiffened. The other man had warned him he was going to have trouble going slow this time. The thought had flitted weakly across Cloud's mind as he was backed against the counter.

Zack's kisses had been so heavy, so forceful...shuddering with each powerful stroke of his tongue. A hot hand would occasionally cup his cheek, swaying him deeper into the kiss. His knees had weakened, trembling against the onslaught of pleasure. Zack's eyes….he remembered thinking he'd never get enough of those eyes. Murky as they were with desire, Cloud was still paralyzed.

And then...caught between a ragged breath and a thoroughly embarrassing gasp-Zack's hips twisted. Not too much, just enough and no more; it was a soft undulation-near comparable to dancing. But it dragged their aching erections over one another-electricity snapping up spines and pooling with warmth in stomachs. Cloud had pulled away from the kiss, his eyes fluttering, the moan that escaped him soft and velvety. Hands...hands sliding downward, Zack's fingertips teasing the elastic of his boxerline, long elegant digits fanning out and wiggling in places that drove him completely ballistic.

Maybe he was being tortured, he hadn't been sure at the time. What with the way Zack's kisses made time with the thrusting of his hips, his tongue all-encompassing-heat above and below in some agonizing vortex of pleasure.

_"Not here...bedroom. Now." _

The kissing had continued all the way down the hall, occasionally stopping progress for a few minutes. Zack took his time, Cloud made a note of that. Even then, the dark-haired man had held off until the last minutes; allowing him more than fair opportunity to change his mind. The moment when he felt Zack's hand slide around his waist to grasp the doorknob had been extremely final. The entrance to the room swung open like a frightening and yet undeniably exciting door to some erotic abyss.

Tapered fingers had reverently slid his shirt over his head. Blue eyes danced across his suddenly naked torso; leaving fiery trails in their wake that left Cloud trembling. He almost stopped Zack then, hovering somewhere between acceptance and denial.

_"You're so beautiful, Cloud." _

And that had done it.

His voice; thick with emotion and desire. It spoke volumes to Cloud, it left him trembling and eager for more. Hot, hot breath ghosting down his neck whilst hands gently pushed him onto the bed. Compliance was dreamlike and buzzing; a sort of numb and inexplicable pleasure that spread somewhat akin to poison. Zack had risen over him, settling between Cloud's legs and lowering his lips to the blonde's chest.

A cry was vaguely remembered in the Cloud's consciousness as a hot tongue took his nipple into an equally fiery mouth. His fingers tangled in dark hair as his body shook; sensations from lips and teeth sending icy-hot tendrils downward to his nether regions. It was nothing he had ever felt before; foreign and intoxicating all in one.

_"Please"_

It was whispered unsteadily, eyes fluttering as his hips rolled of their own accord. He'd watched apprehensively as the dark haired man sat up, his eyes hooded_._

_"Take them off."_

Graceful hands gestured at his _very _confining jeans. Cloud did so, watching as Zack removed his shirt and sweatpants, his white skin gleaming. He could only moan as Zack moved to cover him, clad only in their boxers….and began to kiss him again.

Nothing...nothing but two swathes of cloth keeping him from that beautiful body. Heat was enveloping his skin, his insides. Was he moaning again? He could barely tell, what with his eyes closed in ecstasy, pleading desperately, running his tongue along the shell of Zack's ear. Stars were seen with every kiss. He was being scalded, burned, immersed. Hands wrapped around his waist, rolling them onto their sides, passing his boxer line to grab his ass.

_"Hnnnn"_

Cloud had broken away from the kiss as Zack rolled over him again, moving slowly but persuasively. His hands gripped the sheets as boxers were unceremoniously removed.

_"I have to prepare you first…is that okay?" _

The initial shock of preparation would always be foreign to him. The hands that gently lifted his hips until he was situated in Zack's lap, his legs resting on the mattress under him. Maybe it was the soft _*pop* _as the lid to the astrogel was flicked open. Or perhaps the fingers; gently circling his entrance until the index slid forward. Pressing into that tight ring of muscles, slick with lube, until the resistance gave way.

Cloud would be lying if he'd said it wasn't painful at all. There was the burning sensation accompanied with the alienating feeling of being probed. The only thing that had kept him going that first time was his partner's expression. The way Zack's hand shook; how his eyes were trained on his face for any sign of fear or regret.

_"Have you...ever done this with anyone else?"_

A slight smile and Cloud groaned as a second finger was added, just as slick as the first. Yeah...it hurt. A lot. He could remember wondering how he was going to handle Zack himself if only his fingers were that painful. Lips descended to assault his nipples again, the other hand descending to grasp his neglected member.

_"No one."_

It was so hard to believe that statement. Cloud moaned again, squirming slightly; discomfort momentarily forgotten as Zack's ministrations distracted him. An expert hand circled the tip of his aching need; fingernail digging into the slit-pleasure bordering on pain momentarily-until slender digits plunged downward again. His own hands were knotting in his hair, breath coming in bursts as he was worked towards an orgasm he wasn't sure he wanted yet.

_"Zack...going to...come."_

_"..Just a little bit longer, I promise."_

It came to a point where he nearly yelled at the darker haired man for going so slow. Some unromantic and frightened part of himself wanted to get it over with and move on to pretending it was wonderful. And then those two fingers twisted inside him-just a slight rotation-but enough that Cloud remembered crying out at the sensations that assaulted him. There was the swell of pleasure that shot through him like an electric shock, causing his back to arch slightly; his hand coming up to cover the noises escaping from his lips. The smirk that covered Zack's face was both infuriating and exciting in one motion.

_"Feeling...good?"_

_"S-shut up."_

Another twist and he was sitting up without thinking, his cry now muffled by Zack's hand as he arched unconciously into the intoxicating touch-brows coming together to form a bewildered and impassioned expression.

The fact that Axel had knocked on the door was just damnably bad luck. Or very bad timing on the redhead's part, which wasn't surprising at all. Cloud had frozen, the heated atmosphere disappearing like a candle extinguished. Zack's expression remained the same for several moments.

_"Cloud?! It's Axel, I'm coming in quick-ohhhshhittt."_

To his credit; Axel had backpedaled out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The shocked and completely traumatized expression on his face was nearly worth losing a fantastic hard-on for...nearly...

Cloud had laughed weakly, throwing his hand over his eyes. Zack's expression seemed to conflict before settling on mild defeat and amusement. He'd chuckled, moving away from Cloud a bit in order to lie beside him on the bed, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

It had been a very indecisive moment for the blond. For one, there were his primal instincts; which screamed for the continuation of pleasure in any way possible. Then there was his logical brain that very much feared violation. Cloud couldn't remember clearly at what point they'd decided he would be the uke. He wasn't sure if he liked it, but he couldn't really imagine forcing Zack onto the bed and making the dark-haired man submit to him. In any case, Cloud's primal side won over. He watched with mild amusement as Zack's blue eyes widened in surprise as he gently pulled him back on top of him.

_"You want to continue after tha-ah!"_

Okay, so maybe being dominant wasn't so bad after all. Cloud smiled sneakily as he gave his partner's member a long stroke. Zack's hips trembled slightly above him, his eyes closing-mouth parting in ecstasy. Another firm tug and a commanding hand descended to stop him. Blue eyes met blue as Zack gently lowered his forehead to meet Clouds; a smirk on his lips once again.

_"Are you sure?"_

Years afterwards, Cloud was still sure that it was a perfunctory question. Even if he'd said no the blonde doubted he'd have been able to stop. Not being so close. He could recall biting his lip, his chest heaving with excitement and a little bit of fear. Settling himself onto the pillows he'd lifted his hips so that Zack's need was pressing against his entrance, legs bent once again to touch the mattress. The groan that escaped the dark-haired man was both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. It was primal, and displayed how little control was still possessed.

_"Zack...hurry."_

_"I-I need you to lift your hips a little more." _

Cloud could remember having trouble breathing. He had underestimated his friend's size a slight bit…well, maybe a lot. As the head prodded his entrance he'd bitten his lip, hands bunching in the sheets.

And then it hurt a lot more.

A whimper escaped him as the burning sensation he'd experienced with Zack's fingers was increased tenfold. The lube helped a bit, but it was so strange and so different.

_"You okay?"_

_"F-Fine."_

It was painful enough for his head to swim and his vision to blur. Cloud could remember thinking he was _so _unprepared for it. His hands had reached up blindly to anchor to anything-anything...meeting with Zack's fingers as he was gently pressed back into the mattress.

_"Cloud...listen to me. I need you to relax or we're going to have to stop."_

Thinking **"LOL"** in the middle of your first time was a very strange experience. Still, Cloud had had trouble listening to Zack as the burning sensation seemed to spread up his spine. Relaxing his legs had been the hardest part. Tensed against the mattress they seemed near-glued there. The blonde still looked back on the event and wasn't exactly sure how he'd gotten himself to calm down. Then again, Zack had started stroking his dick at that moment so that probably explained it. Little by little his muscles had given way; limbs unstrung as Zack waited patiently, his eyes still sweeping Cloud's expression with near-painful attentiveness.

_"...Ready?"_

He wasn't quite sure if he nodded or spoke in affirmation. Whatever it was couldn't have been very convincing because Zack continued to look sceptical. Cloud had little time to worry about it. Bracing himself on the hand that wasn't paying attention to the blonde's needs, the dark haired man gently rotated his hips before drawing back slightly and thrusting back in.

It was...really weird. The pain was still there, but it was distant and ignorable. Cloud could remember thinking _"hot" _and _"hard." _Zack's mouth had covered his again and he responded automatically with his own. Another thrust and he moaned, breaking away from the kiss to let the sound out into the room. If he had been able to make a visualization of his feelings; it would be akin to watching the impulses moving through a neuron and exploding out into other cells. It wasn't violent or fast, simply slow moving and warm, his insides on fire as Zack's hips picked up the pace, his breathing becoming labored.

"_C-cloud...so tight...ah!"_

Maybe it had been some spasm of his insides-Cloud wasn't sure-but Zack groaned, and his hips jerked of their own accord into a thrust that was much rougher than he'd probably intended. It hit up against that strange bundle of nerves his fingers had been teasing earlier. Cloud arched, his hips working back into the hard thrust unconsciously-fingers diving into Zack's hair as he groaned and threw his head back-his body begging for more out of it's own primal accord.

"_Oh-f-fuck!"_

Perhaps not the most sexy or articulate thing to say in the middle of sex; but Cloud got the feeling his reaction made up for his foul mouth. Zack grinned, letting go of the blonde's need in order to brace himself better.

"_Right...__**there?**__"_

He could remember vaguely screaming things as he drove his ass back onto that hard and irresistible heat. Cloud had thought he was acting a little slutty afterwards but it hardly mattered at the time. There was only Zack and the fire that was racing through his veins; causing him to lift his legs all the more in order to welcome those beautiful and intoxicating thrusts.

"_Touch yourself."_

Cumming had been inevitable. Cloud's need had built inside of him long before Zack had found himself there. The world dropped out from under him as the spiraling and swirling feelings in his stomach reached their maximum.

_"Zack!"_

_"I-I know...it's okay. Cum for me Cloud."_

Explosion.

Tendrils of electricity gathered at the base of his cock; exploding forward and outward. Cloud saw stars as he released between them, gasping his friend's name. His legs turned suddenly weightless and uncontrollable as he rode out his orgasm; muscles clenching in places he would have never thought possible. Heat was expelled inside of him as Zack followed after him with a groan, tumbling down on top of him as release left both of the boneless.

It was some time before either of them moved. Zack withdrew from him and rolled to the side. Cloud remembered saying something stupid about finding out what Axel wanted. Zack gave him his; _'are you fucking kidding me' _glare.

"_...Yeah...I'm kidding."_

"_Go to sleep, Cloud."_

"_Okay."_

"_Cloud?"_ was whispered, like a breath of air circling around the room.

"_Yeah?"_

"_I love you."_

If Cloud had been asked if he'd ever thought it possible to lose his precious memories with Zack he would've laughed and walked away. What he shared with the dark-haired man was impermeable and irreplaceable. Now, it was different. Roxas' car accident had been a life-changing moment. No one thought he was going to survive, and it destroyed Cloud. Waking up in a mental hospital with no memories was even worse.

"Cloud?"

Someone was knocking on his door. Opening his eyes; the reminiscent dream he'd been trying to immerse himself in dissolved. Once again, the light flooding through his room from the windows was far too bright. They'd encouraged him to personalize his room when he was first admitted. Something about 'making himself at home.' Cloud had ignored this invitation, wanting to stay in that place for as short a time as possible. Roxas had brought him his military badges and photographs before he'd left for Japan.

"_You need to remember what's valuable to you."_

All of the aforementioned memorabilia was in the top drawer next to his bed. it wasn't that Cloud wanted to forget the life he'd had. There was the simple reality that he was unlikely to see that side of the world ever again. What sane person wanted to reminisce on something beautiful they weren't going to experience more than once?

"Come in" Cloud said wearily.

He watched with surprise, bordering on suspicion as an unexpected individual entered his room. Carlisle Townsend was very rarely seen outside his office. As the asylum's administrator; his job dictated long hours behind a desk looking through legal papers. Cloud had met him upon his admission; it hadn't been a memorable event. Carlisle had gone into a long and boring monologue on why he was there and then asked Roxas for a check. He was a tall, graying individual with rectangular spectacles and a stifling suit. There was nothing remarkable about him except the wedding ring on his left hand.

"Hello Cloud" Carlisle said; the tone of his voice was that of forced gravity. "Is this a good time to talk?"

"If that was a sincere question I would say no." Cloud gestured to the chair facing his bed. As it is, please sit down."

The older man hesitated, seemingly torn between rebuking Cloud for his sarcasm and keeping up his taciturn facade of solemnity. Smoothing what little hair he had; Carlisle sat down and folded his arms, regarding Cloud with a studious expression.

"I'm sure you are aware of Zack Fair's admission into our local hospital."

The blonde frowned, confused.

"Of course."

"Then I am sure it will interest you to know that he is dead."

'Surprise' or 'grief' was too gentle of a word to describe the emotions that assaulted him. There were a maelstrom of feelings coagulated into that moment. It was akin to a glass filled near-brimful with water. Cloud was sure at any moment his 'cup' would 'runneth over' and he'd explode in some horrible and final way.

Zack.

Zack _dead._

Articulation was abandoned; there was nothing clever to be put into words. Aplomb would have been deplorable in any case.

The word that came out of it all was a strangled "how?", but it seemed distant and nondescript. The blood thundering through his ears in horrified bursts made all else mostly insignificant.

"An...incredible arson occurred at the hospital yesterday afternoon. There was no possible way it could have been an electrical fire. Whoever set it was deliberate and it was devastating. Hundreds of lives were lost."

"How do I know you're telling me the truth?" Cloud asked numbly.

"It's all over the news" Carlisle sighed. "Turn on your TV. The culprit hasn't been apprehended, whoever it was escaped the scene after setting the blaze.

Because wasn't among those rescued I think it can be safe to assume he is among the dead. They're still pulling bodies from the rubble but no one who hadn't escaped before the building collapsed would have survived."

Fumbling for the call button/remote hanging next to his bed, Cloud pointed it at the television and pushed the Power button. Some part of him already knew Carlisle had been telling him the truth. A man as unimaginative and dull as him couldn't make something so completely ridiculous up in order to keep a patient longer. Still, seeing the smoldering wreck of the medical center made everything so much more final. There was a part of him that wanted to be sick, and then another side that wanted to find the culprit and exact revenge. The largest portion of Cloud wanted to crawl under the covers and succumb to oblivion for the rest of his life. There was no reason for him to be discharged now. Hell, there wasn't even any reason for him to live. Carlisle was still talking but it hardly mattered. His best friend and love in life was dead. How was he supposed to start over at his age? It wasn't that easy.

"Are you listening to me ?"

"It's just a bit hard" Cloud growled through gritted teeth.

"I was mentioning your discharge; your brother Roxas has deemed you safe to return into society."

Cloud laughed bitterly. Well, that was one thing. Roxas hadn't been lying, he'd been true to his word. ...But he'd been true much too late.

"I don't care anymore" Cloud whispered.

"You will be released next Monday" Carlisle said stiffly, standing. "It's been a pleasure working with you, I hope you've found your stay here comfortable."

It wasn't until the door shut behind him that Cloud had thought of any kind of clever reply. As it was, the words that came out of hi mouth were anything but cognitive.

"Fuck you."

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I struggled a lot with the ending of this chapter. Transitioning between the smex and the reality was hard and complicated.

Expect the next chapter by next Sunday at the **latest.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy Crisis Core nor the characters within. In reference to this chapter; I also do not own and have not ever eaten paopu fruit. Square Enix are the soul producers of such lovely produce, and keep them within their cooperation.

**Additional: **I've gotten into a new MMORPG and it's cut down on my writing time (of course). So I'm trying to balance that out. Additionally, I originally intended this chapter to be 2,000-2,500 words. I'm in a long-term relationship and said relation has developed some resentment with the amount of time I spend writing fanfiction and other stories. Consequentially, I had intentions to limit my fics to the aforementioned word count. Soo, I'm not quite sure how this happened.

**imortal173: **Thanks again for your continued reviews! Yes I'm going to have to go back and clarify that at some point. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter though!

**Fayt80: **My first reaction to seeing that you read the prequel was horror and embarrassment. And then I realized that now I'm going to have to run in line with the previous plot. And _then _I thought: _"what plot?." _Aha. But I'm glad it was digestible; I went into it wholeheartedly but it happened to be a very bad time in my life to begin a fanfic. Needless to say I ended it after two years of being unable to progress plot-wise; so I'm happy that something positive was gained in the end.

Also, I realized that I've been spending all this time writing a fanfic with two dedicated reviewers, and I haven't reviewed any of _your _work. I don't know when I will get around to it, but I do firmly believe in reciprocation and I sincerely apologize for my up-until-now total selfishness.

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**Chapter 14**

_"Pretty screwed up, evidently."_

It was a horrible day to go the the beach.

Roxas had wondered what Axel was thinking initially; but standing on the shore with a storm of flurries attacking his cheeks, he couldn't help but wonder if the redhead had really thought this all through. Then again, according to Cloud, Axel wasn't exactly the type to do things the normal way in any case.

It would be a horrible lie if the blonde had said his adoptive brother's statements hadn't impacted his in any way. He'd spent the last two days sitting alone in his apartment listening to the faucet drip, contemplating moving back to America. Sora hadn't picked up his phone initially. When he did; Roxas wasn't surprised to hear that his cousin had known the same.

_"I told him it wasn't a good idea" _he had said sadly. _"But Axel...is Axel."_

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"...I felt like it wasn't any of my business."_

And that's just how everyone had dealt with it. It was Axel's choice. Somehow, Roxas had gotten factored out of the decision. He took a deep breath. It would have been a lot easier if someone had _told _him. He'd have been able to ignore Axel for both of their best interests. Now Roxas was forced to look ahead to a very painful confrontation and separation. Why? Why hadn't the redhead told him something?!

It was so hard to understand's Axel's train of thought. As far as his brain was concerned; he'd known him little more than a month. The fact that the redhead was pursuing something from Roxas' past that he didn't even remember was disturbing and frightening. What sane person wouldn't look at a similar situation the same way? A person claiming to be interested in him was chasing phantoms. True, the phantom was him. But that part of him was gone, or locked so far down in his mind he wouldn't ever see it again. It was enough to make him angry, and confused. Who did Axel really care about? The Roxas he was now, or the Roxas who had died on the night of the accident? And if it was the latter; didn't that mean that Axel was just playing with him for his own self-gratification?

"Roxas...I want to talk to you about something."

The roar of the waves was near deafening. They partially drowned Axel's voice with tumult...washing in and going out. The horizon before them was endless ocean speckled with snowflakes. It was truly a sight to behold.

"It's beautiful" he said softly.

The redhead smiled crookedly.

"Yeah...I know. I wanted you to see it."

Some strange, non-misanthropic part of his wanted to cry. It was so bizarre; caring so much for someone that you barely knew. Then again, it didn't seem so odd if he thought about it. Roxas was the type of person to automatically slap dick labels on people he didn't know. Stranger? Dick. Schoolmate? Dick. Co-worker? Dick. And then this was Axel, and it went from 'psycho', to 'crazy', to 'weirdo', to awesome, to unbelievably fantastic in T-minus ten seconds.

Maybe it was subconscious like Cloud had said. It was certainly hard to pass it off as anything but. The connection was definitely there. But it wasn't honest and it wasn't right.

"You know the friend you told me about?" Axel said quietly. "The one you were in the accident with?"

Roxas closed his eyes, the puzzle pieces coming together. Now it all made sense. The redhead had brought him here to tell him that he was done playing with the 'now Roxas.' He'd been trying to find the 'Roxas' that _used_ to exist, but he hadn't come back. With the prize of his efforts long gone and rotting; Axel was bailing on him.

"I already know" he replied. "I know that friend is you."

Green eyes widened.

"...How? How long have you known?"

"Since this weekend" he replied coldly.

Axel exhaled, his gaze moving away from Roxas's face to look out at the ocean.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"So am I" he said numbly. "It's better this way. We're causing each other nothing but pain."

Agony flashed across Axel's face.

"I know that" he said bitterly. "I _knew _that. But I love you, Roxas. Some part of you cares about me too. You're still the same person, even if you don't remember me. The same likes and dislikes are there. I know everything about you."

"Don't give me that crap" Roxas said bitterly. "You don't love _me, _you love who I used to be. Which is fine. But the person you remember isn't here anymore. Besides...I don't know shit about you."

"I don't care-" Axel began.

_"I _care!" Roxas shouted; not exactly sure why he was raising his voice. "For fucks sake Axel! How fucked up are you?!"

Axel mouthed soundlessly at him for a moment before his expression turned into one of devastation. A hand rose to cover green eyes as his lips turned downwards.

"Pretty screwed up evidently" he whispered shakily.

"Yeah" Roxas growled. "Pretty loony as far as I'm concerned. Did you ever consider the repercussions for me?!_" _He kicked at the sand in front of him, watching filaments explode into the air and land around them. "Goddammit! I've spent _years _in therapy trying to repress or _ex_press everything you're dragging out of me with your sick form of romantic nostalgia."

Axel turned away from him, his shoulders slumped.

"I...don't know what I can do to make it up to you."

"I do" Roxas hissed, turning away. "Stay the hell away from me. Don't talk to me."

"Rox-"

"Move the fuck on!" he yelled.

"Roxas _please!" _

A hand grasped his shoulder.

"Piss off" the blonde snapped. "Touch me again-_follow _me-I'll call the cops. I don't care about your delusions, leave me alone."

It wasn't until he was about a mile down the beach that he looked back. There was an empty stretch of sand behind him. Some tiny part of him was disappointed; though he wasn't sure why. He had been pretty explosive; expecting someone to follow him after a tirade like that was similar to expecting a cat to come out of the basement after you'd kicked it. Once the initial shock of adrenaline had worn off, Roxas realized he was lost and miserable. He was still angry but it was inwardly focused at his own weakness. Axel needed help of his own before he even thought about being in _any _ kind of relationship. Roxas had done him a favor by leaving him on his own. The only hard part would be work.

Still, after taking the long route back to the street and hailing a taxi for himself; Roxas couldn't help but notice how cold it was without Axel.

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Sometimes, he was convinced insanity was a self-induced condition. The terminology was so fragile and so vastly categorized it was nearly a joke. Of course, Riku knew this wasn't true. But it was very hard to look at it otherwise. A few weeks ago his life had been straight from Hell. If someone had told him his existence was about to take a turn for the better, he'd have shot them point-blank and left them to rot on the docks. It just seemed like something out of a wild and delusional fantasy. He had an honest and well-paying job, a positive future outlook, and _Sora. _Riku had Sora. The more the silver-haired man thought about it, the more impossible everything seemed.

After they had spoken at the cafe, Sora had made his way home to look in on Roxas. Riku's surprise was greatly subdued when the brunette told him about his cousin and Axel's slightly twisted reunion and subsequent equally demented relationship. After all that had happened it didn't seem so strange. Tifa had figured out where he was located in a matter of months. Sometimes Fate was simply ironic in a very painful way. Riku had never been as close to the rest of the group initially. Sora was really the only reason he'd gotten to know them in the first place. Not to say what happened to Axel and Roxas didn't matter to him. Riku just didn't consider it any of his business. He couldn't stop Sora. The brunette tended to be nosy in normal situations; Roxas was family so there was very little he could do.

"Riku, what are you thinking about?"

He blinked, focusing once more on his surroundings rather than the euphoric thoughts inside of his head. Sora had invited him to stay at his apartment not long-after their silent and unspoken agreement to continue their relationship where it had left off. The days were simple. Both of them went to work early in the morning; Riku to the police station and Sora to the lab on campus. The brunette returned a little after four, which was when he began to cook dinner. Riku arrived at five thirty every evening and they shared a meal before curling up on the couch to play video games and watch a movie before dutifully going to bed.

In all aspects, it was perfect. Riku narrowed his eyes at the brunette in front of him. Except, they didn't touch each other. Oh, there was the occasional kiss, of course. The "good morning", "see you later", "welcome home" and "goodnight" kisses. But those were perfunctory and very dutiful on Sora's part. At first, Riku had thought the brunette might be nervous about making the first move. But when he'd tried to make a "welcome home" kiss into something a little more steamy; Sora had jumped to serve dinner and the night had moved on without any further indications of affection. The silver-haired individual wasn't one to take things for granted, so he accepted that he had Sora. Albiet, a romantically reluctant Sora, but it could have been a lot worse.

"Riiiikuuuuu"

Pout pout pout. Those lips had no right to do such an incredibly cute thing when he was being denied them. Riku scowled and crossed his arms in front of himself. So what was it? Maybe Sora was afraid of moving to fast. Did they have to start over at the beginning again? Yeah, he'd had partners while they'd been apart; but that was normal. Everyone had desires and some just weren't healthy to ignore. Most of them had been senseless fucks, and yeah _maybe _he had bottomed once or twice. But that didn't make him any less of a man capable of pleasing another. ...The problem with abstinence-besides the fact that it meant 'no sex'-was the fact that the longer they avoided touching each other, the harder it was to rekindle the spark. The silver-haired man had no desire to be with Sora in a relationship that lacked affection. Not to say that he didn't love the brunette _without _physical contact; it was just something necessary in any long-term committal relationship.

"RIKU!"

Oh, right. Sora was talking to him. They were sitting opposite each other under a kotatsu in the center of the apartment sorting through papers. Sora had a very strange sense of style, to put it mildly. Upon arriving at the apartment, he was immediately bombarded with the numerous pictures of paopu fruit hanging from the walls. Paopu fruit was pretty much legendary to the brunette, so he hadn't commented. But they slept right under a picture of two of the star-shaped edibles hugging one another saying _"kyaaaa!" _Yeah, Sora was a genius bio-chemist-whatever-something but that didn't change the fact he was a goof.

Also, there was the neon green dinnerware. The first time Riku had seen it, he'd almost had a visual heart attack. Sora explained that because green was a vitalizing color; he'd decided to incorporate it into his meals every day, even if he didn't have vegetables. Riku dealt with it by pretending they lived adjacent to a recent nuclear explosion that had caused every kitchen-related item to turn green. That being said, there were a lot of off-the-wall things in his lover's apartment but Riku couldn't say he'd have expected anything less. The worst was probably the mural of smiling rainbow strawberries in the shower. He wasn't afraid of declaring his sex-preference; but every time the silver-haired man wanted to be clean...well, there it was.

"Sorry" Riku muttered, flushing. "I was...thinking."

"Yea, and I wanna know what you're thinking about!"

He eyed the other man warily. There was just no easy way to say: _"I'm thinking about why I can't take your clothes off and screw you into this ridiculous purple carpet." _It wasn't exactly a graceful thing to announce in such a delicate situation. Sora was the one who had been injured, so _Sora _deserved to be the one making the first move.

"Are you...still attracted to me, Sora?"

Blue eyes widened in surprise, then darkened with understanding. Pink lips pushed out in dissatisfaction with their conversation. Riku wasn't exactly sure if it was legal for someone over twenty one years of age to primp. It didn't exactly seem mature, but that wasn't saying much when it came to Sora.

"Of course I am, Riku."

The silver-haired man raised an eyebrow.

"Then why don't you want to..." he hesitated. "...You know" he made a helpless gesture.

Sora sighed.

"I _do _want to, Riku. I'm just scared to."

It was Riku's turn to be bewildered.

"Scared?"

"Yeah..."

_"Why?"_

The brunette wriggled across from him, smoothing a hand through his hair.

"Because..." he cursed uncharacteristically and sat back, letting his legs stretch out under the kotatsu to rest on Riku's lap; hands behind him to support his frame. "Riku-" Sora hesitated again. "How many people have you...since...?"

"A few" Riku hedged. "Did you expect me not to?"

The brunette's shoulder's slumped and he shook his head.

"No, I guess I'm just intimidated."

The silver-haired man raised an eyebrow.

"You haven't been with _anyone?_" he demanded. Sora flushed.

"Of course I have. I mean, I've dated a few people...but we never had sex and all that."

Riku's pen dropped from his hands unconsciously.

"Sora...are you still a _virgin?!"_

"You don't have to say it like that!" the brunette squeaked, covering his face in embarrassment. "I don't know Riku! Every time I would get close with someone other than you all I could think about was the fact that it _wasn't _you! Plus we've been through all the bases already and the next base for us would be...t-that and you've had more experience than me" he sighed dramatically. "Like I said...I feel like I'll just be a disappointment."

Riku stared at the man opposite him in astonishment. This changed a lot of things. He'd made the foolish assumption that Sora had already given himself to someone else. The fact that he'd been holding back simply because of a _memory _was incredible.

"Holy fuck" he whispered. "I love you so much Sora." The brunette stared at him like he had marbles rolling out of his ears. Riku chuckled. "Sora, I don't care if you haven't had experience with that. If anything, that makes it all the more precious to me. The...people I was with before now were temporary lapses. It was an attempt to assuage the pain and guilt I felt for leaving you." He smiled crookedly. "All that matters is that fact that it's _you._"

A soft blush had risen to cover Sora's face as he said this. When Riku had finished he was staring at the blanket over the tatami, his eyes swimming.

"Oh" he said softly.

Riku tilted his head.

"I can't tell if you're happy or sad" he commented.

A single tear dropped onto the quilted fabric as the brunette sniffled.

"I'm really happy Riku" he choked out. "I'm s-so happy."

The silver-haired man smiled.

"Come here, and show me how happy you are."

It was like a dream, watching him move around the low table like that. Riku shivered as he saw the raw desire and passion in Sora's eyes. No, his partner was very wrong if he thought this was going to be a 'disappointment' for him. Slender hands cupped his cheeks as he stared into that sapphire abyss he had dreamed of for so long. It was like looking out into an ocean of warm skies and unfathomable mystery.

Riku had always thought that the first kiss he'd shared with Sora was the most intimate and dynamic moment of his life. Now he knew he was very wrong.

"Riku" Sora said softly, climbing onto his lap and throwing his arms over the taller man's shoulders.

The texture of flower petals...somehow, Sora's lips always seemed to imitate him. And like the scent of a blossom smelled from long ago; they held a nostalgia that was beautiful to the point of pain. It wasn't like him at all, but Riku trembled at the taste of Sora. The brunette whimpered slightly, the hands around Riku's neck sliding downwards to bunch in his shirt. Riku took it as an invitation to deepen the kiss; bringing his tongue forward to play along the edge of Sora's mouth, requesting entrance. The brunette accepted, his lips parting; body quivering as Riku slid the hot appendage into his mouth. Riku closed his eyes, cupping Sora's cheek-allowing his other hand to squeeze the brunette's thigh.

If Riku had been able to convince Sora not to answer his phone, he was pretty sure that would have escalated into an amazing and unforgettable night. Unfortunately, his lover's cell-phone service was impeccable, and the caller happened to be Roxas. Sex suddenly went out the window and into some ice cold snow drift far away down the street.

"Roxas?" Riku glared angrily as Sora extracted himself to answer the phone. _'I haven't talked to him in a few days' _he mouthed. "Are you _crying?_"

Despite his dislike of the interrupted of their intimate moment, Riku's ears perked. Roxas crying. That'd be something to see. "You _WHAT?!" _The silver-haired man jumped as the brunette's voice rose several octaves. "Oh my god, are you okay? Ah..." his eyes slid to Riku, who raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah you can come over."

Riku sighed explosively and flopped back onto the carpet. He waited until Sora had hung up until he voiced his irritation.

"Soo...I'm guessing no time to ourselves tonight?"

Sora smiled apologetically.

"I'm really sorry Riku. Roxas is really upset, and I need you to do me a favor."

"Let's start over from the beginning" Riku said dryly. "Five minutes ago, I was about to have sex with the love of my life. Now, said passionate lover is _not _having sex with me, and he wants me to do him a favor."

Sora flushed.

"It's...really important Riku."

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay. Why is Roxas upset?"

"...He broke up with Axel."

Riku sat up abruptly, now fully listening.

"...I see. And what can I possibly do for him?"

Sora shook his head.

"It's not him I'm worried about" he took a deep breath. "Riku, Roxas isn't going to be dynamically affected by this because he doesn't remember any of his previous relationship with Axel" the brunette ran a hand over his face. "I'm worried about Axel."

Riku snorted.

"That asshole? He'll be out fucking some other guy by tomorrow."

Sora's eyes flared.

"No. Riku, you don't get it. After Roxas...forgot him, Axel was totally devastated. I've never seen him like that, it was horrible to watch. He self-imploded and retreated into some distant part of himself I doubt he'd seen since his father was shot in the head right in front of him when he was barely more than a toddler." The brunette's eye squeezed shut. "And then his Mum died. Nobody saw him for weeks, everyone thought he was dead. So when he turned back up I gave him enough money to get out of there." Sora smiled bitterly. "He did."

Riku was watching the brunette with narrowed eyes.

"You...love Axel a little bit, don't you?"

Sora looked surprised, then uncertain.

"I...did, for a while. But it wasn't real love, it was...sympathetic affection. I knew what it was like to lose someone." He smiled sadly. "But he isn't you Riku, and he is _so_ in love with Roxas. It's almost ridiculous. I care about Axel a lot, we have lots in common, history-wise" he laughed. "Not personality."

"Do you ever wish you'd told him?" Riku asked quietly.

Sora shook his head again.

"No. Like I said, we would have been together out of pity and for comfort. That's not the right reason to be with someone." He smiled. "I love you Riku, with all my heart. Don't ever doubt that."

There wasn't any lie in Sora's eyes. The brunette wasn't one to be dishonest, and there wasn't any reason for him to rebuke him. Yeah, it wasn't pleasant to hear his partner confess to _loving _someone other than him. Fucking was fine; as long as it was detached and impersonal. Loving was different, and Sora was talking about an unrequited love. Jesus. He didn't like thinking of Axel as a threat. Dynamic personality-wise; Riku wasn't shit in competition. But he had no reason to distrust the brunette. If anything, his lover had more reason to be suspicious and wary of him than vice-versa. Besides, if he couldn't trust Sora, he couldn't trust anyone.

"Okay" he sighed. "What do you need me to do for Axel?"

Sora smiled brilliantly.

"Can you go over to his apartment and make sure he's okay?"

Riku groaned and stood up, watching out of the corner of his eye as his partner did the same.

"Yeah, I can. Will Roxas be here when I get back?"

Sora glanced at his watch.

"He'll be here in five minutes, I don't know when he wanted to leave" the brunette hesitated. "I might let him stay the night. He's my family and all you know."

The silver-haired man rolled his eyes.

"I'm starting to feel sorry for Axel." He reached for his coat. "See ya later. Expect me to call when I get there. I'm not gonna pretend to be all chummy with a guy just so I can see if he hasn't gone and offed his selfish ass. I've seen worse in the Yakuza, so believe me when I say I'll tell him you sent me."

Sora sighed and moved to join him at the open door.

"I love you" he said softly.

He bent down to kiss him.

"I love you too" Riku said gently. He made to close the door, and then stopped. "But you're an asshole" he snapped.

Sora's laughter followed him out into the blizzard-ridden alleyway, and danced teasingly behind him on the frigid Tokyo streets.

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**Kotatsu-**A heated table, essentially. It has a warming system under it and usually a blanket over top of the counter for people to put their feet under. They're AWESOME for sleeping! It's also a great fire hazard depending on the temperature level; but from my experience we're all a bit nuts when it comes to being warm in the winter. That is why we have fireplaces in houses with central heat and air... That and the decor.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom hearts, Abercrombie, Hollister, or Aspirin.

**Additional: **Another last minute chapter. I gotta stop doing this.

Much thanks again to **imortal173** and** Fayt80 **for your continued reviews! I'm so thrilled both of you like the last installment, and I apologize that I don't have individual narrations for the previous chapter. Writer's block is a horrible thing and it's taken me all day to finish this text.

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**Chapter 15**

_"Cavatina"_

_"Axel..."_

Maybe he had hugged him once or twice more than he'd like to have let on. His Dad was a tough guy, Axel had often compared him to a block of concrete with a few more brains. Not to say that he looked down on his father because he wasn't educated, he admired him greatly. Perhaps it was the fact he was a simpleton and Axel just didn't fit into that criteria whatsoever.

_"Why's our boy wearing neon green stockings?!"_

Yeah...maybe it was his clothes, he wasn't sure. Working on the docks wasn't exactly safe; but it was income. That's all that had mattered to Lea Shoundoa. His wife had beautiful clothing and his son had anything he wanted or wished for. When Axel was two, he'd been positive that he was going to grow up and be like his Dad. Wasn't every little kid like that?

_"You'll always be my son."_

'There was always that grin; the 'Cheshire' as his Mum used to put it. Axel used to think it was the hair, which had been nearly as crazy as his, but he was wrong. It was the smile that was trademark among the men in the Shoundoa family. Women used to call it their 'undoing'...whatever that meant. Not that Axel had spent too much of his time flashing his teeth at girls walking down fifth avenue. Not...too much..

Maybe that had been part of his problem, he'd looked up to him so much he'd bypassed his own sexuality in a desperate attempt to remain true to that which his father would have 'approved' of...

_"Someday, you'll find yourself a wife as pretty and wonderful as your mother..."_

'Pretty?' No. 'Wonderful?' No. Angsty, rude, irritable, dangerous, adorable, funny, and devastating? Hell yes. Axel had always wondered when he would meet that one individual everyone always harped about. The one that could make you do anything and drive you nuts at the same time. And now that he _had _met said person he nearly regretted it.

_"Move the fuck on!"_

Yeah. That was a lot easier than Roxas had made it sound. There weren't really any good words that could describe his exact feelings at that time on the beach. Numb wasn't really accurate, because he distinctly remembered a ridiculous amount of pain spreading through his body. It wasn't like he hadn't expected it, Axel just hadn't been able to believe that moment would come so _soon. _He'd thought he had more time...more time to get to know Roxas and convince the blonde to like him before he dropped the figurative 'bomb.'

Axel was pretty sure he'd been home in a dark apartment for about two hours. Watching your Dad's blood spray out of the back of his head and onto your face was an unforgettable thing. The redhead was convinced he would never live a day when that memory wasn't present in the back of his mind. It had been a cold day...November if he had the dates right. Sometimes it was hard to remember the calendar when it was overshadowed by something so dynamic and unbelievable. His Mum had been sitting in her rocking chair-the one she always read to him from in front of the fire.

_"I'm hungry!"_

She'd finished cooking dinner and it was warming in the oven. Her head was bent over a book that she was silently perusing. Green eyes lifted from paper as Axel spoke, glittering with amusement.

_"You'll have to wait until your father gets home."_

Looking out the window gave notice to an unusual amount of cars circling the block. It wasn't so unusual for people to get lost in New York, the townhouse they'd rented was one of an identical many. He'd dismissed it as a large group of tourists and let the curtain fall. The sound of the key turning in the lock signaled Lea's return. Axel had run to open the door, rushing over the threshold eagerly...only to be thrown back by his father as he set down his lunch pail and turned to face the street.

_"Go inside, Axel."_

_"...Dad?"_

There was a lot of shouting; he could remember wondering why his Dad was yelling at men on the street. The shot was so loud it caused his ears to ring momentarily. Axel hadn't thought about it at the time, but it had to have been a double barrel at the least.

He could remember the initial shock of it; the realization that it was incredibly warm and smelled like copper. And then came horror; as his hands reached up and swept across his cheek, drawing red-run fingertips to his eyes. Panic swelled, like a balloon filled too swiftly with air and then set loose across some field sporting needles inches upon inches thick.

_"Axel! Axel! Lock the door!" _

Arms had pulled him back; his mother running in front of him sobbing hysterically. He'd been angry that she'd kicked his Dad's body down the steps in order to close the entrance. Really, it'd been the only option available to them. By the time the men had made it up the front steps the police had arrived. Most of them were shot and a suspect or motive was never apprehended. He'd often wondered if that was what drove his mother to drink; the fact that her husband had never seen justice.

The ridiculous thing was Axel had been able to move on from all that. He'd accepted his Dad was dead a long time ago. The redhead stared blankly at the bottle of vodka accompanied with the considerably smaller bottle of aspirin. So, why couldn't he move on from Roxas? What was more important about him than his _Dad? _A few minutes before, he'd accepted that he was incredibly drunk to consider ending his life. Christ, when he was seventeen he would have laughed at anyone who had considered suicide. Now...he wasn't so sure. True, he had family to think about. But those distant relations were so few and far away that he doubted they'd know he was dead until several months later.

Axel had bought the apartment he was in for the simple consideration of privacy. Located a few blocks from the University; it was a standard economy unit. The redhead had never taken living in lavish conditions something essential or important. He shook the pill bottle a few times, marveling at the daunting process of taking them all. No one to walk in on him...no one to know he was dead until he was a few days absent from work. He laughed darkly. Of all the people who'd notice his absence, Larxene would be the first. How pathetic was that? Sitting on the futon on the far side of his living space; he acknowledged that it was pretty damn pitiable. And the last thing he wanted was sympathy.

He'd furnished the room with pictures of skateboards and indy bands. Anyone walking into the apartment probably wouldn't have been impressed, but Axel had never had the desire to invite a lover into his personal living space. Mixing romance and individuality just wasn't his mantra. It left too much open for damage and most importantly, revenge. Friends who criticized his sense of style were told to fuck off, so it didn't really matter.

Axel's gravitation away from traditional rock and name-brand clothing had begun in High School. Around the time he'd confessed to Roxas; Abercrombie and Hollister had went out the door for thrift shops and garage sales. His blond companion often bewailed the fact that Axel was suddenly completely out of style; but it fell on deaf ears. There just wasn't any way he was going to walk around in clothing that lasted until its first round with the washing machine. Axel didn't have the money or the desire to remain popular. It turned out that his change of style didn't deter any would-be girlfriends. In fact, his separation from that which was normal and acceptable seemed to make the redhead all the more attractive.

The space heater flickered ominously, lighting up the shadowy kitchenette. He didn't cook, as a rule. The last time he'd attempted a meal was in Roxas' apartment when Cloud was out of town. The resulting fire in the oven had taken nearly an hour to contain and put out. Roxas had spent the rest of the night shrieking about Axel's inability to tell 'off' from 'on'. And that had been the end of his chef aspirations.

Individuality might as well have held no value. What was the point when you just got kicked to the curb every time you gave it your all? Half an hour later and someone was banging at his door. The voice was familiar, but it wasn't the voice he'd have liked to hear.

"Axel!" Riku shouted. "Axel, open the fucking door!"

The redhead stared at the thick piece of wood separating him and the silver-haired individual. It would be a hell of a lot easier to take the pills now and not have to worry about listening to the tirade that would follow from the man standing outside his apartment. Riku didn't take to personal life-takers lightly, mostly because he had attempted to do the same to himself. But that was neither here nor there.

"S'unlocked" he slurred. If Riku had anything to say that would change his mind he'd be damned. There were other ways to off himself than insobriety and too much salicylic acid. The light flooding in through the open door was obnoxious, but covering his eyes was way too much effort. Axel compromised with squinting viciously at the silhouette on his threshold. "Nice to see ya again, Riku" he said sarcastically.

To his credit, the silver-haired man didn't curse or shout. Without a reply he turned and shut the door behind him, taking a moment to lean his forehead against the cool surface. Riku then pivoted and shed his coat, hanging it up on the rack without looking once at Axel. The redhead followed his proceedings with bleary eyes, protesting only when Sora's ex-lover knelt in front of him and began to gather up the alcohol and pills.

"Shut your mouth" Riku said calmly.

"I-"

"-Don't wanna hear it." The door opened again and there was the sound of glass breaking as the vodka was thrown out onto the street. Riku was tucking the aspirin into his pocket as he made his way back inside. The blinding light disappeared again and there was silence in the apartment as they regarded each other. Aquamarine eyes narrowed as they surveyed the redhead with something akin to disdain. "You know who you look like, don't you?" was the hissed remark.

Axel chuckled weakly and put his head in his hands.

"She'd be proud of me" he snickered.

He yelped as Riku smacked him in the back of his head.

"You think she'd _approve _of you echoing her livelihood?!" Axel looked up in mild surprise. Riku's face was ashen, his lips thinned in a barely controllable attempt to contain his rage. "No boy is worth killing yourself for" the silver-haired man whispered. "And I say _boy _because as far as I'm concerned, that's how Roxas is acting."

"It's my fucking fault" Axel said savagely.

"You're both dumb as a box of rocks in my opinion" Riku snapped. "Yeah, it was stupid of you to pursue Roxas in his condition. But he still _likes _you. He's just frightened, like any sane person would be." He folded his arms and sat cross-legged in front of the futon. "That's no reason to kiss the world goodbye, Axel." He eyed the redhead. "Alcoholism can drive a person to do crazy stuff. Stop drinking or it's going to kill you like it killed your dumbass selfish mother."

"So why are you here?" was the lazy response. "Why do you care?"

"I don't" Riku said bluntly. "Sora sent me."

Axel raised an eyebrow.

"Ah...Sora." There was a flicker of uncertainty in those aquamarine eyes, Riku's gaze jerked away and then back again. Realization dawned quickly upon the redhead. He might have been smashed, but he wasn't gone enough to miss the blaze of jealousy that had floated across the other man's face. "Nothing happened between us" he said calmly. Riku stiffened, his eyes widening in shock. "I knew about Sora's feelings for me" the redhead continued. "But I didn't act upon it." He groaned and sat up, massaging his temples. "Sometimes I wanted to. Hell, he's cute and stupid." Riku's lips curled up in a snarl. "But I wasn't gonna do that to you, and I love Roxas way too much to betray him for his cousin." He swiped a hand across his mouth. "So, you guys back together again?" Riku jerked his head noncommittally. Axel chuckled. "Good for you guys."

"How did this change from being about you, to about me?" the silver-haired man muttered.

Axel winked.

"Talent." He sighed and stood shakily, one hand reaching out to support himself against the wall. "You can leave now, Riku. I'm not gonna do anything stupid."

The individual sitting on the floor shook his head.

"I made a promise to Sora. Roxas is over at the apartment anyhow, I'm staying the night." He looked around surreptitiously. "You got an extra futon?"

Axel rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Over there, in the drawer built into the wall. Knock yourself out."

"Thanks."

"I could always just drink a bottle of bleach."

"Uh huh, and I'd get you to the hospital and have them pump you full of antifreeze to counter it."

Axel gave up trying to move around and flopped back onto his futon.

"You know, I don't get it."

Riku looked up from the bedroll he was disassembling.

"What's that?"

"You know Sora and I used to like each other, you've never really given a damn about anyone but Sora before now, and I'm probably last on your list of favorite people."

The silver-haired man sighed explosively.

"I may be an ass Axel, but I do have some humanity."

"You ever thought letting me kill myself might be _humane?"_

"No. There's nothing humane about Death."

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_"Hey, Roxas. Do you believe in dreams?"_

_"Aren't I dreaming now?"_

_"Haha, whatever. You know what I mean."_

_"I...think dreams can help you, but I also think they can hurt you." _

_"That's a risk we all have to take...Roxy."_

It was like sitting in a theater. Leaning out over the top box as the red-velvet curtain was thrown open with flair and finesse. Somewhere, an audience of neurons and synapses sat breathless in feathers and finery. Flung out into a memory long dead and forgotten, in sleep it opened like some mad macabre production. The lights were blinding, every breath taken was raw and thundered in the ears of he who dared to partake of it. It was everything and nothing becoming one word and one sound.

_"Cavatina."_

Sheets, sheets so white they were blinding-reflecting like a blaze from the sun that streamed in through some forgotten window. The comforter was checkered, speckled with the soft rays of morning; tousled and turned around his body as he searched for that little bit of stray warmth. The smell of cinnamon and peppermint toothpaste was lodged in his mouth, his fingers splayed against a single white pillow. A hand was running gently up and down his back, grasping the curve of his ass momentarily-arousing painful shivers-and then moving back up again.

_"What?"_

The flick of a lighter; followed subsequently with the hiss of butane and ferrocerium. The 'cinnamony' air was suddenly filled with the scent of cigarettes. Roxas mumbled something unintelligible, pushing up slightly into the touch as he buried his head further into the pillow.

_"Cavatina, it's a solo section of a longer composition of music."_

He lifted his head, breathing in the smell of whoever was talking to him deeply. The hand continued its ministrations, tracing his hip bones and squeezing a thigh before curling to rest in his hair-pulling gently through the strands. Roxas closed his eyes and sighed happily.

_"Cava..tina...what about it?"_

A soft chuckle and he smiled in unison. The light flickered slightly; a rush of wings apparent through the slightly open window as a bird flew by.

_"Ever think that life is just like that? Maybe everyone is just a little...cavatina in the masterpiece of life."_

Roxas snorted and gently caught the hand in his hair to bring it to his lips.

_"Or, or maybe_ this _is a cavatina. This moment. And then the rest of this life is a song and eternity is symphony."_

A soft intake of breath and the hand stilled, pausing for a moment before dropping down to trace his cheek and fall limply on the pillow beside his head. There was the sound of the ashtray being set back down on the bedside table. Roxas lifted his head and his heart dropped into his stomach. Axel smiled and raised an eyebrow. His head was propped up by several pillows, giving the fantastic illusion of his entire head being haloed with strands of fire. Ivory cheeks were caught in the light of the sun, glittering just-so in facets-only to blink out and come back somewhere else. His eyes were so incredibly green, like pools of jade or emerald staring half-lidded; fiery eyelashes sweeping and then lifting once more.

The sight of Axel shirtless was nearly enough to make Roxas want to pass out. He'd always expected the red-haired man to be a little bit stringy-skinny but not well-worked. Axel's frame was lynx-like, lean muscle overshadowed by a deceptively thin frame. Slender fingers shook another cigarette out of the pack.

_"Maybe _we're _a cavitana" _he said tenderly. _"You know, like a solo that occurs and then disappears."_

_"I don't think that could happen" _Roxas heard himself saying. _"Things like this...you never forget."_

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Thanks for reading!  
Sorry this chapter is so short...

Expect the next installment by this coming **Sunday **at the latest.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**Additional: **I'm aware smoking isn't allowed in most airports but for the sake of the story I'm pretending it is.

**Ish teh Lemon. Lemon Lemon.** Excuse: Lots of Sakyo Aya. Yummy.

**Fayt80:** Thanks for the review! It means a lot when a chapter is emotionally connective to the reader. Though it was a rather negative emotion, I'm glad that you found value in it. As for my writer's block; if I keep writing I can keep my 'roll' so to speak. My other fanfics fell through because I took long breaks and then 'power wrote' and ragequit from complete exhaustion. When I set the date for every Sunday it's more for myself then anything, because I know what I habitually do if I don't have a scheduled deadline. As a parent and partner, I love to procrastinate. Housework, meals, paperwork, occupation, you name it. If I can put it off, I'm gonna put it off lol. I pretty much have a schedule for everything I do :P

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**Chapter 16**

Sora had decided assaulting Riku in his sleep was probably not the best way to initiate a first time. He'd woken up at six a.m. with a raging hard-on and the blazing realization that he was probably more overdue for sex than he'd initially have liked to admit. His eyes had turned to Riku-to his boyfriend sprawled out on the futon in the abandon of sleep-silver hair in sticky disarray over perfect pink lips; his hand thrown behind his head as he slumbered on peacefully. The brunette trembled and attempted to calm his suddenly uncontrollable heart-rate. No. This wasn't the right time. He groaned as his desperate member gave a particularly agonizing throb. Riku groaned, aquamarine glowing under silver-lashes as he was brought up from dreams into reality.

"M-Sora...wazswrong?"

"Nothing" Sora mumbled.

Under different circumstances, the silver-haired man might have let his boyfriend's comment go and fallen back to sleep. He was tired from work, it was the weekend, and he'd been thoroughly looking forward to spending it with the brunette. As it was, Sora's tone of voice roused him enough to notice that the brunette was breathing heavily and attempting to hide what looked like an unusually painful problem in his boxers. Riku being...Riku, took a moment to asses the situation. It was obvious Sora was embarrassed and confused. Approaching him could be either disastrous or highly beneficial. Riku went with the latter.

"Hey..." he murmured thickly, rising out of the mess of sheets. "Let me help you with that."

Uh...yeah. The blankets slid off Riku to reveal an ivory chest with perfectly pink nipples. Sora hadn't really ever thought about that particular area of his lover's body before. But in his aroused state, anything naked-Riku-ish was waayyy too sexy to ignore. He shook his head reluctantly, his hands moving of their own accord to hide himself further. It came down to the fact that it was hard to let go when he knew what he wanted to the extent of pain. Riku eyes were sympathetic and understanding, his hands coming up to scratch his hair. Sora moaned unconsciously as he imagined those hands on his skin. How long had it been? Too long, he decided dazedly as he watched his boyfriend move closer.

A little shiver went down the silver-haired man's neck as he watched Sora's blue eyes narrow into azure slits of desire. Running his fingertips along Sora's jaw proved instantaneous. The brunette shivered and threw his head back to expose his neck. The hands on his member squeezed instead of fighting to conceal. Riku bit down a groan of his own as Sora's initial reaction threatened to overpower him. It was enough with that tan and succulent skin shimmering in the cold winter morning light. Mahogany lashes fluttered and pink lips moved fluidly as Sora sucked nervously on the bottom one.

Sora watched nervously as Riku rose over him, hands pushing him from his sitting position to lie back on the pillows. The haze that covered those sea-green eyes was now that of lust and not weariness.

"Open your legs" Riku said huskily, pushing his hip between Sora's thighs.

He obeyed nervously, shivering as his boyfriend sprawled on top of him, arousal evident through the thin cloth of their boxers. And then Sora wasn't able to think too much anymore as a hot mouth descended to cover his own. Sora vaguely heard the whimper that rose up from his throat, felt his hips roll of their own accord. Was it possible Riku had gotten better at kissing in their time apart? It was hard to think logically as a hot tongue scalded the insides of his mouth, fireworks bursting from his nether regions to roll up and down his body. And yet, Sora noted the shivers that were passing between them-the joined realization that both of them were just as nervous as the other. Sora pushed his tongue forward tentatively and Riku hummed to show his appreciation, his hands retreating from their tangled nest in Sora's hair to plunge downwards and feather out at the brunette's waistline.

One thing that Riku cherished about Sora was his responsiveness. His sensitivity to touch was addicting not only to him, but to Riku. Every squeak, shiver and sigh was like music. His cheeks slowly flushed, color rushing in to suffuse his skin in golden heat. As he sucked gently at the column of Sora's throat, Riku couldn't help but note the firmness to him. He wasn't touching a boy anymore, he was touching a man. But it was still _Sora. He was touching Sora. _Sora, Sora was the one arching under him, Sora's fingers lacing through his hair and tugging until he was near dizzy between pain and rapture. It was enough to make him want to weep.

Placing another chaste kiss on the brunette's lips; Riku reverently let his mouth wander across that soft, firm skin. He sucked at those delicate collarbones, taking his time to explore his ears and neck. His mouth watered the closer and closer he got to those exquisite petal-pink nipples. Taking in a ragged breath; Riku raised his head, catching Sora's approval before taking the soft nub into his mouth. Sora moaned deep in his throat, his brows coming together as his back arched involuntarily. Hands tangled themselves in Riku's hair as pleasured sounds began to issue from the brunette in soft, wandering cadenzas. Giving a last perfunctory swipe of his tongue, Riku moved to give equal attention to Sora's other nipple. Bracing his hands on either side of his boyfriend's head, the silver-haired man lifted his hips until he hovered over Sora. There some confusion in those deep blue and Riku smirked, tossing his hair a bit for effect.

"Show off" Sora breathed, sliding his hands up to caress those alabaster shoulders. His commentary was cut short as those slim hips descended and rocked forward; grinding them against each other. Sparks seemed to burst in front of his eyes, his cock twitching desperately in the confines of his jeans. "R-Riku!"

He groaned again as the silver-haired man's head dropped once more, his hips stilling as he lowered himself to kiss across the planes of Sora's stomach, placing hot kisses on the skin just above his belly button before dipping his tongue and swirling it in the little indent. Sora vaguely registered that his body felt like it was full of thousands of very friendly hornets. Every touch vibrated and buzzed; turning his senses to a mess of pleasantly shivering jello. Hands worked deftly at the waistline of his boxers, a mumbled complaint when they didn't rid themselves of Sora's body as quickly as planned.

Riku sat up and the brunette's breath caught in his throat. When the silver-haired man had confessed to him, another reason he'd reacted negatively was that he'd never truly thought of his best friend as beautiful or handsome. Riku was just Riku. And yet, looking at the usually pale face above him flushed with color, lips swollen from kissing; moonlight-colored hair falling in disarray about ivory-colored cheeks...Sora couldn't help but think that Riku was _gorgeous. _

"Off" the silver-haired man growled.

Sora acquiesced without thinking, breathing heavily as he pulled the swatch of fabric down his legs and kicked them off into the bedsheets. Riku was doing the same with his own garments, fingers trembling slighty as he lowered himself back down. His mouth continued it's steady march lower and Sora arched once more as the tip of a tongue slid over his swollen member. All thoughts went out of his head as he was engulfed in the wet, moist cavern of Riku's mouth. It wasn't until he heard the soft *pop* of the lube being opened that he came back to his senses. Biting his lip Sora lifted his head to meet questioning aquamarine eyes. Slick fingers slid lower, brushing gently against the brunette's ass.

"You okay?" Riku murmured.

If it had been any other time, Sora might have stopped him. It would have been a lie to say that he wasn't apprehensive or scared. But the slender digits brushing his entrance were trembling and the apprehension curling in his stomach melted away to form a surprisingly stubborn feeling of resolution. Sora nodded, not trusting his voice as he lifted his hips, letting his legs rest on Riku's thighs.

Riku wasn't sure if he was going to be able to be gentle with Sora. The desire pulsing through his body had risen to dangerous heights. And yet, as he massaged the tight entrance with his fingers, he knew there was no way he was going to be able to continue without the brunette's consent. Confusion and discomfort flickered in the sapphire gaze before him as he pushed one finger inside. The teeth tentatively biting those perfect lips sank deep, a bead of blood appearing against that perfect pout.

"Relax" he said shakily, wiggling his finger. His own painful need twitched hungrily as he moved his index in and out, clouding his mind with the instinctual desire to take the man lying before him. And yet, his own self-control held true as he bent his head to lick Sora's neglected member once more.

The mouth teasing his cock did wonders against the invading digit pressing into him on the other end. Riku was good, almost too good. Sora groaned and covered his face with an arm, his other hand digging into his hip. The second finger was painful, but not to an extent he couldn't handle. It wasn't until Riku began to scissor him gently that he realized the magnitude of what they were doing. Maybe it was the fact that a slow pleasure had started to come out of the silver-haired man's gently working fingers, he wasn't sure. It certainly wasn't explosive-like masturbating-but it was gradual and bewildering all at once.

"Sora" Riku said quietly. Panting, the brunette lifted his eyes to meet his lover's heavily concentrated gaze. "I'm going to twist my fingers a bit, tell me how you feel." As it turned out, Sora didn't really have the words to describe the sensations that assaulted him. Muscles tightened around Riku's fingers of their own accord as he released a cry that both surprised and impassioned him. Heat suffused his body, making him feel tight-strung out and entangled all at one time. The silver haired man was smirking, though he wasn't sure why. "Not many men can orgasm their first time" the silver-haired man murmured. "I'm glad it feels good though."

"I-I didn't come" Sora protested weakly, grunting as a third finger was inserted.

Riku smiled tenderly, his tongue extending to tease the brunette's dick once more.

"No, this part of you didn't" his fingers twisted again and Sora whimpered, his eyes rolling back into his head. "But this part of you did."

Sora blushed, any clever retort lost as Riku withdrew, his hands now reaching down to grasp his own neglected member. The brunette wiggled uncertainly, debating on complaining about the loss he felt from Riku's fingers. The moment was brushed away, however, when the silver-haired man's head prodded his entrance.

"It's...going to hurt isn't it?" he whispered.

Aquamarine eyes flickered uncertainly.

"...Yes. We can stop if you want."

Sora shook his head, smiling crookedly. Riku's answering grin was that of barely-concealed relief. Covering Sora's mouth with his own, he arched his hips experimentally and began to push.

_"Hot. Wet. Hot. Wet..."_

Truly, Riku would never cease to be amazed at his mental limitations when it came to Sora. The brunette was so tight, and so warm, it was so _hard _to go slow. Only Sora's whimper of pain stopped him from throwing away all abandon and fucking him into the mattress. And then again, this was _Sora. _Dark eyebrows lifted in surprise at the hot, burning agony that followed the enticing deliciousness of Riku's fingers. The silver-haired man knew how it felt. It was incredibly painful.

It was like being stretched and given multiple brush burns all at once. Really, there wasn't anything that could compare. Sheathed to the hilt, Riku's forehead fell to meet Sora's and he was once again taken by the raw desire in those beautiful eyes. Narrowed into slits, the silver-haired man was reigning in every bit of savagery his body demanded...for _him._ Affection blossomed in Sora's chest. Riku _did _love him, he loved him enough to wait for Sora to make the first move. He couldn't ask for more than that.

"It's alright" Sora said shakily, raising a hand to caress those soft cheeks. "You can move."

The silver-haired man let out a shakily breath, rising onto his elbows as he began to roll his hips. Sora groaned and closed his eyes, riding the pain out for the sake of the man above him. Hot lips found his throat, sucking absentmindedly before long fingers wrapped around his member and began to pump. Pleasure washed it's way into their movements, coiling like some mad abandoned ribbon of ecstasy in torment.

Sora was trying so hard, and it was so beautiful. Riku's head was spinning wildly as he timed his carefully controlled thrusts; watching as that perfect mouth opened to catch barely contained gasps. Biting his lip in order to retain a clear head, the silver-haired man mentally mapped out where he had encountered the brunette's prostate-and thrust experimentally.

"Ah-Ahnn!"

Blue eyes glazed, tongue running over the edge of perfect lips as Riku hit home. Sora's fingers trembled and curled, his hips arching to meet Riku's thrusts. Relief flooded though him at that moment. Somehow, in spite of everything, the silver-haired man could make the brunette feel _good. _That was more then he could ever ask for.

Electricity. Beckoning up and splashing out to the beyond. Every muscle moved without mind-his toes curled and his thighs trembled as Riku hit that spot again. The pants coming from the man above him were harsh, a single bead of sweat mingling in those silver locks. The beautify of it was that _he _was causing that impassioned expression-_Sora _was the creator of this Riku riding the fine line of self-control and abandon.

Sora's thighs trembled and he was driven closer to the edge of some soundless and light-filled catastrophe. The cries being ripped from his lips were uncontrollable; unable to be detained...he didn't care. He had never expected his first time to be good. Roxas had warned him too heavily for him to be able to expect something positive. And yet, as a mouth closed over his nipple again he couldn't help but curse himself for being so faithless. There was pain...so much pain...but it was pain in a morphed and twisted form until it was pleasure intertwined in agony.

"R-Riku...coming...I'm coming!"

He was so...intoxicating. Tight...tight heat surrounding him, working him towards orgasm at a pace that he'd never thought possible. Riku grunted his response, too lost in sensation for words. Grasping Sora's thighs he yanked the slightly smaller man towards him; slinging those long alabaster legs over his shoulders and driving home. Blue eyes widened in astonishment, mouth opening in a silent cry as Riku hit his prostate with unerring skill.

-And then Sora was cumming, Riku's face becoming a pinpoint of pleasure in his vision. The world moved out from under him and he hung suspended in a glittering vortex of euphoria. There was a wash of heat within him as Riku followed after with a shuddering groan, head swinging forward-hips jerking of their own accord as he released deep inside of Sora.

It was a long time before either of them moved. Electric aftershocks clung to Sora's skin, causing involuntary shivers. Riku shifted first, rolling off of the brunette to lie beside him; eyes heavy with satisfaction and exhaustion.

"I love you, Sora."

He smiled, rolling onto his side to catch those silver locks in his hand, sliding his fingers over individual strands with a new-found reverence.

"I love you too, Riku."

A soft smile, the kind that lifted up at the side just a bit. Sea-green eyes softened and then looked away.

"Thank you."

Sora tilted his head.

"For what?"

Riku sighed and sat up, choosing to look fully at the man lying next to him.

"For waiting for me" he said simply. "I couldn't ask for more from you, I-" his breath caught. "I-I'm so lucky..."

Sora flushed and looked away.

"I'm lucky too" he said quietly. "I have you, Riku. That's more than I _ever _could have asked for."

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_"There is an ebb and flow they say..."_ blue eyes blinked. _"You know, of Life."_ A smile. _"C'mon Cloud, you can't tell me you've never thout about Destiny or...Fate or whatever."_

That was such a funny word, Fate. Cloud had thought about it as he was being ushered out the doors of Shinra Asylum. His discharge had been swift, much to the displeasure of several board members. There wasn't even a meeting to confirm the blonde's final diagnosis. To be declared "mentally cured" after over half a decade staring at white-washed walls and hospital sheets was a crazy feeling, pun intended. And then there was the baffling realization that Cloud had never felt _less _mentally intact then at his dismissal. His best friend and lover was dead; and suddenly he was free to go.

Roxas wasn't there and he didn't call. This wasn't so unusual but for some reason it hurt Cloud's feelings. Somehow, he'd expected the 'brother' he'd adopted to provide some sort of support to him. Standing on the front steps in weather that was below freezing; the blonde felt like his heart was suddenly stuck in his throat. They'd cleared his room with a swiftness that was suprising and ironic all at once. The nurses who came in to say goodbye did so with glassy eyes and misanthropic smiles. If Cloud had actually valued the time he'd spent in that place he might have been insulted. As it was, he felt only a cold indifference toward the blatant incinscerity of his staff.

"A taxi will be here to take you to the airport in ten minutes, ."

And that was just it. They'd arranged for him to be flown out to his noncommunicative sibling immediately. There were no finances for temporary room or board in New Jersey. In the week leading up to his release; Cloud had had to get his passport and work visa. As a veteran, his only option was teaching English to recruits in the Japanese army. The blonde had accepted that his occupation would be mediocre if not downright useless. Most Easterners were bilingual by education, there was very little his job could demand.

There was also the fact that Cloud didn't know Japanese at all. Roxas and Sora had spent four years studying the complex and confusing language. He was being thrown into a world he knew nothing about. Cloud tugged at the scarf around his neck, shivering slightly. It was so strange to see his situation reversed. He'd taken care of Roxas for years. Cloud had fed him, clothed him and provided housing. Now Roxas was going to do that for him. The blonde sighed heavily. And to what end? It was so hard to imagine moving forward into a life without Zack.

Above him, the leafless trees rattled ominously in a particularly strong gust of wind. The last of autumn skittered past; brown, brittle and breaking against the red brick of the building behind. There was a lot of talk about the fire, the nurses whispered about it while doing their rounds. Evidently they were still dragging bodies out of the rubble. No survivors had been retrieved. When he saw pictures of the smoldering wreakage Cloud often had the sensation of falling. Zack was there somewhere. Well, his body was. Maybe they'd pulled it out already.

There was the screech of wheels and the taxi driver shouted something at him that Cloud didn't quite catch. Fumbling with his suitcase, he ducked into the back seat with a mumbled hello. Carlisle was saying something from the curb, some placebo 'farewell' and 'take your meds.' He waved back absently, unfolding the plain ticket lodged inside of his pocket. Newark, Atlanta, Lost Angeles, to Tokyo. A giant vault from normalcy into the unknown and onward into an uncertain future. An attempt to overshadow the painful past with a vague promise of success and distance.

The blonde flipped open his phone, marveling at how long it had been since he'd been allowed to possess it without staff permission. Roxas' contact was still there, as was Axel, Angeal, Demyx, Marluxia, Saix, Zexion...and Zack. Cloud smiled vaguely at the contacts as they scrolled by. It'd been forever since he'd as much as heard from half of the people logged into his cellular device. And now he'd never hear from one of them ever again. Tears pricked his eyeslids but he pushed them away impatiently. Zack wouldn't want him to cry, he'd always had something against Cloud crying.

"We're here, ."

Getting through the airport was a strange enough experience it momentarily distracted him from his grief. Cloud had a momentary run-in with security, where they accused him of carrying a large amount of bullfrogs. Somehow, they'd gotten him mixed up with some other amphibian-smuggling lunatic who'd frequented several airports with necessary amounts of slimy green creatures shoved into his pants. After a heated interrogation and subsequent grudging apology, Cloud went through customs again and made it out the other side without further delay.

The aforementioned obstacles made him nearly miss his flight. After a frantic charge around the airport attempting to locate the gate, Cloud managed to find his way onto an aircraft-presumably the correct one-with his seatbelt buckled and more than a little irritation bubbling in his chest. Once his initial grumpiness wore off, the blonde finally came to the realization he was on a plane. Normally, Cloud avoided airline travel like the plague. Motion sickness and thousands of feet up in the air just weren't positive denominators when it came to his own well-being. The last time he'd got on a plane it'd been a miliatary airship headed towards New York City. Despite the fact Zack had been with him he'd been severely inebriated halfway through the flight and his dark-haired friend was forced to walk him off the plane mumbling something about penguins.

Cloud had promised himself he wouldn't touch anything alcoholic on this flight. Considering the amount of narcotics he was on; a little too much could be lethal. It was hard when your lover's face kept swimming into view burnt to a crisp; but Cloud managed. For one, the woman next to him was talking so much he'd never have been able to be patient with her after a few drinks. And for two, the turbulence made him pretty sure he would lose anything he deigned to swallow.

A few uncommitted naps and they had touched down in Atlanta. From then on Cloud was hard pressed to remember the events of the hours that followed. Looking back, he could only recall a mess of terminals, crying children, painful seats and tufts of clouds drifting by him from an oval window. It was painful enough to travel with the memory of Zack still stuck in his head. But the distraction of maneuver and time-frame was enough to push everything to the back of his mind and keep it there.

It was noon of the next day by the time he arrived in Tokyo. Cloud was the last to leave the plane, preferring to let the rest of the passengers make their exit before he even got out of his seat. Even then he was hard-pressed to leave the comfort of an airline that was bound back to America in a few hours to step out into the cold and icy streets of Japan. A smiling flight attendant ushered him out of the cabin with smiles and reassurances that Tokyo was truly a wonderful city. Cloud didn't bother to tell her he didn't speak the language and wasn't sure where the hell he was going.

At what point he realized that Roxas wasn't waiting for him, he wasn't sure. Maybe it was when he had finished staring despairingly at the throng of foreign faces rushing past him jabbering in what might as well have been gnomish. Someone stopped to ask him something but he couldn't understand a word. The older gentleman left looking scornful and angry. Cloud had been sure that Roxas would've made time in his schedule to pick his brother up. He was wrong, and it pissed him off.

"Hey! Cloud!"

The first thought he had was that everyone in the terminal was staring begrudgingly at the man in front of him. For once, he had to agree with the larger party. Pink hair was not becoming, no matter who you shoved it on. At least, Cloud had always thought that until he'd met Marluxia. The slightly taller individual waved enthusiastically at him from the entrance to the men's bathroom. Sporting a fuchsia D&C tote, a long neon orange trench coat, and an equally bright green scarf; the blue-eyed individual didn't look like he'd changed in the slightest.

Marluxia Takahashi was about Axel's age, though more than likely older. Rumor had it he'd failed eleventh grade on purpose in order to regress to the stage of his closest friends. Cloud had always found him slightly intimidating and more visual overload than was acceptable. Raised by a man named Saix, Cloud didn't know much about him except that he'd been a highly-paid prostitute during his High School years and gone to modeling school after graduation. It hadn't occured to Cloud that he might have gone to Japan. Everyone else seemed to have ended up there so he wasn't necessarily surprised either.

He waved back grudgingly, all the while scanning the crowd for Roxas. To his increasing irritation, his brother was a no-show. Marluxia took his wave as an invitation and waded through the sea of people to join him on the other side of the terminal. Cloud was vaguely reminded of an obnoxiously loud and large peacock walking though a flock of black birds.

"Fancy seeing you here" the pink-haired man drawled. "I could've sworn you were in a mental facility last time I heard news of you."

"Yeah, well I got out" Cloud said heavily. Marluxia raised an eyebrow.

"'Out'...as in escaped...or 'out' as in...-"

"'Out' as in _'discharged'_" the blonde replied through gritted teeth.

"Nice" was the vague response. "So, what're you doing in Japan?"

"I got a job" Cloud said slowly.

Marluxia's eyes searched his and Cloud was momentarily struck by how blue they were. Almost as blue as Zack's. The pink-haired man then looked away and dragged a pack of L&M's out of his pocket, his gaze distracted. Impatient with the conversation, Cloud fished his cell phone out of his aviator jacket and checked it. Still no communication from Roxas.

"So, where's your boyfriend?" Marluxia asked, mumbling around the cigarette lodged in his mouth.

"W-what boyfriend?" Cloud stammered. Another raised eyebrow.

"Solider boy you were dating back in NY. Zack Fair. Nice guy."

Cloud flushed, mentally taking down a note that Marluxia had a _very _good memory.

"...He's dead."

Long fingers slipped on the lighter in surprise. Blue eyes seared across Cloud's again, this time with an expression of shock and sympathy.

"Geeze...I-I'm sorry Cloud."

He shook his head and smiled sadly.

"It's okay, you couldn't have known."

They sat in silence for a while, watching the crowds go by with identically vague expressions. Glancing sideways at Marluxia, Cloud observed that underneath all his obnoxious clothing the man looked rough. Dark circles under his eyes and nicotine stains on his fingertips indicated stress and lack of sleep. Normally milk-colored skin had changed to a slightly more vintage ivory. Whatever drugs he was or had been on seemed to have managed to destroy his system. He chewed on chapped lips; his free hand worrying at the stud in his left ear. Not to say that he wasn't beautiful. Cloud had always thought Marluxia one of the most exotic and charismatic of Roxas' friends. Not to say they'd been particularly close, but it was hard to ignore someone like him. Instead, Cloud found a kind of fragile and breakable beauty to Marluxia with age. If anything...it was breathtaking.

"You're staring" came the amused comment.

Cloud flushed and looked away, horrified with himself. Zack had been dead hardly more than a week. How could he possibly be attracted to another person when his heart was still so full of despair?

"I'm sorry" he said weakly. "Things have been...insane lately."

Marluxia pursed his lips, his eyes narrowing in concentration as he blew a smoke ring out in front of him. Cloud rubbed a hand across his face; taking a moment behind his palm to compose himself. He was tired, hungry, heartsick and terrified. Normal circumstances would have had him running away from the man in fear and for lack of sunglasses. Now, he was hoping Marluxia would at least stay until his brother turned up. The other man smirked as if he'd heard him and crossed his ankles casually.

"You know, they say in times of grief or anger one's...passions come to surface all the more violently" Marluxia said arily.

"What's your point?" Cloud asked irritably, checking his watch.

"My point" the pink-haired man replied. "Is you could probably do with a good hard fuck." He eyed the man lazily. "Top or bottom?"

Cloud gaped disbelievingly at Marluxia. He couldn't believe the conversation he was having. If the blonde was even close to correct, he was being offered sex in the middle of an airport. He swallowed thickly. And yet, despite everything that had happened to him in the past few days...he couldn't deny that he absolutely, positively wanted it.

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I will be honest and say that I 'softened' the Soriku 'first time' a bit...so to speak. First time orgasm from...that area is almost unheard of. Anyway, I hope it was okay. Sorry this is so late, I couldn't get onto my profile but the rest of the site was up so thanks for the patience!

Expect the next installment by this coming Sunday at the **latest. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy VII

**Additional: **I did not spell check this before I posted it. Derpity derp derp. Many apologies.

**imortal173: **Thanks again for your continued reviews. Don't worry about reviews vs. exams, priorities come first, I completely understand. I'm so thrilled you enjoyed both chapters!

**Fayt80: **Oh haha no it's just me. I'm the procrastinator I'm afraid. Don't worry about it! Any reaction is good, it means the story is emotionally valuable and that's really all I can ask for. I'm truly glad you found entertainment in the chapter.

As for the other things only time and plot-coordination can tell^^

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**Chapter 17**

"_Leave your screwy Messiah complex behind." _

Zack wasn't exactly sure when he'd concluded traveling with Sephiroth was a miserable and mind-boggling experience. It wasn't the fact that Genesis was a terrible driver; that he'd had to contend with a long time ago when Roxas was getting his licence. Going ninety miles an hour around some remote Appalachian mountain wasn't exactly a new or terribly uncomfortable experience. It also wasn't the fact that said driver had an uncanny interest in discussing textiles. Zack had had to suffer many a color-coordinating conundrum with Aerith on considerably higher and heinous levels. There _was_ opera music; The Magic Flute to be precise-but Zack had _also _dealt with that on a much more painful scale. How or why was both insignificant and humiliating.

No, it was the simple fact that Sephiroth didn't seem to realize-or refused to acknowledge-the magnitude of what they'd left behind. Zack had deigned to bring the subject up several times, but it fell upon deaf, irritable and impatient ears. Genesis had made a point to indicate that if not for their actions, Zack would be in federal prison and Sephiroth found the topic so amusing he simply didn't respond. Both men were too wrapped up in their own affairs to consider the grief of the victims they had affected or their families. Zack did have to credit them with having a strong a steady bond. Sephiroth's cold and stoic personality was a perfect temper for the redhead's fiery and masochistic caricature. If he hadn't resented them so much; Zack might have admired them.

Vermont turned out to be so cold the dark-haired man could barely stand to get out of the car. They'd decided to remain in Burlington for a few days before continuing on to Japan. This was more Genesis than anything. Sephiroth had insisted they leave the country as soon as possible, but the redhead had an affinity for nostalgia and it was his wish to remain there for a time. His parents lived in Vermont; choosing to earn their livelihood in apple orchards. Neither he nor Sephiroth deigned to ask him whether or not he wished to join them. This was just as well, Zack had no desire to be reminded that he had no family, and possibly no one to create one with. The three of them had made use of a single motel room near the airport. Genesis had paid under a fake identification, choosing not to list the other temporary residents. The redhead had urged Zack to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.

"As far as the public is concerned, you're dead." They'd been leaning over the balcony of their room, watching the snow accumulate. The cold weather had been so favorable drifts were piling up to the third floor. "Though it's highly unlikely someone will recognize you, it would be disastrous if it happened."

And so it went for five days. Genesis and Sephiroth went to visit the Raphsodos' twice, returning the second time with a basket of apples. It was very hard for Zack not to resent their relationship, or the carelessness they seemed to deem appropriate among themselves but taboo when it came to him.

"You don't think visiting his parents could possibly be risky?"

He'd asked this of Sephiroth one evening, sitting on the edge of the futon as the redhead showered after a long day outside. The silver-haired man gave him a long considering look before leaning back to reach into his suitcase.

"I've long before now accepted the fact that there are things about Genesis I cannot change" he said calmly. "Of course it's a perilous endeavor, but if he's not to see them again, I don't want to be the reason he never did at all." Alabaster fingers pulled a slim laptop from the depths of the case. "Zack Fair, I know we have no lost love or appreciation between us."

The dark-haired man smirked.

"I'm afraid neither of you do."

Sephiroth seemed to hesitate, and then continued.

"When one is raised as I was; as a weapon for a greater power, morals and humanity are not at the forefront of your mind. My upbringing was strict and unaltered, I resented it deeply. When I broke from the Yakuza to pursue Ansem, my intent was to present myself as unique-my own person you might say-capable of survival and success beyond any other. Genesis was unfortunate and naive enough to allow me to drag him along with it."

Zack frowned.

"But...I'm pretty sure Genesis was the Mastermind behind it, he's even said so."

Sephiroth smiled, a little regretfully.

"Genesis is a brilliant man" he agreed. He looked around surreptitiously. "Don't tell him I said that, his ego is inflated enough. He was born and raised in Burlington, his parents wealthy and successful orchard farmers. At eighteen he enlisted in the marines and became a solid and powerful element in military politics." A smirk. "We met over Christmas. He had come home to spend to holidays with his family. I...had come to New York to get away from the pathetic excuse of mine. I saw him as...an opportunity too good to pass up. I coached him to take responsibility for his actions in New York" his lip curled. "I...manipulated him mentally in order for him to shoulder the blame. Which he did well...for a time." silver hair fell forward to hide Sephiroth's face. "I did not consider the fact that either of us might develop feelings for each other. Whatever led up to it, I don't know, it just happened."

Zack smiled crookedly.

"Most of the time those kinds of things do" he replied.

"It wasn't my intention" Sephiroth snapped. "It clouded my motives; made me question if what I was doing to him was right or wrong. After the disaster involving Roxas, Genesis self-imploded with guilt." Green eyes blinked and looked away. "I confessed my intentions to him, and he disappeared; it's not like I could blame him. He confronted you, if I'm correct. You shot him."

"I did" Zack agreed, feeling a slight pang of guilt. "Point-blank."

"Genesis made a miraculous recovery in the hospital while I was away nursing my own emotional wounds. Returning to Japan, I saw no glamour in the life I was living anymore. So I returned to New York an apologized. He wasn't accepting at first, Genesis is not one to easily forgive. It took time and effort, but here we are." The silver-haired man look coolly at Zack. "If there is anyone to blame, it is I. Do not resent Genesis for his actions, for he was as much as a pawn to me as you."

Zack opened his mouth to reply, but the shower shut off. Steam billowed out from the bathroom as Genesis re-entered the main living quarters. Towelling his hair dry, he smiled sheepishly. Zack looked blankly back. It was very hard to imagine a man so charismatic as another's trinket or tool. And yet, the more he thought about it, the more it was understandable. Sephiroth was a stunning and strong individual, much like the redhead. The dark-haired man could understand him falling hard and fast. Genesis was flamboyant and flighty, Sephiroth was distant and nonchalant-the perfect challenge to such a man. To win him must have been a euphoric thing, and unreal to come to terms with the disaster and dishonesty of it all.

"I've looked into booking flights" Genesis was saying. "We can leave tomorrow if that's okay with either of you."

"Whatever makes you more comfortable" Sephiroth replied smoothly. They shared a look-the kind that made Zack's heart ache when thinking of Cloud. Genesis was bending over to kiss the taller man when Sephiroth's cell-phone rang. Fumbling between them, his eyes never leaving the other man; the redhead answered.

"Genesis Raphsodos speaking." The voice on the other line was muffled, Zack found it impossible to decipher what was being said. As it was, Genesis' eyes narrowed and he straightened. His gaze shot to Zack and back again. "I see" he said calmly. "Thank you for informing us." He snapped the cellular device shut and turned to face the dark-haired man. Sephiroth's eyes were narrowed, his gaze sweeping the redhead's face before turning back to his laptop. "Cloud has been discharged" Genesis said calmly.

Zack's heart gave a great leap.

"Really?! That's great!"

"There's a catch" was the cautioning reply. "He has been released and is going over to join Roxas in Japan."

"So I can visit him there" the-dark haired man said excitedly.

Genesis raised a hand to stop him.

"There's one problem with that" was the tight response.

Zack looked confusedly at him.

"What?"

"Cloud Strife thinks you're dead."

Zack's stomach dropped.

"...Ah."

Sephiroth had watched the exchange with a neutral expression. Now, something akin to sympathy was framed in his expression.

"Zack can right it once he enters the country" he argued gently. "I'm sure Cloud would understand."

"No" Zack said heavily. "He wouldn't. The mere idea that hundreds of people have died in order for my life to be salvaged would be devastating to him. Cloud would never want that."

"There is more" Genesis continued, a note of weariness in his voice. "Sephiroth's associates witnessed Cloud leaving the airport with a Marluxia Takahashi."

It took Zack a few minutes to process what the redhead was saying. Marluxia had been a high-class prostitute in the years he'd known the man. Possessing no earthly values or consideration; he was likely to take anyone into his bed who had enough dick to please him. Saix Miyagi had been his caretaker during his High School years. If Zack was anything close to correct, he'd loved Marluxia with all of his heart. But the other man's lifestyle was neither acceptable nor tolerable. After his graduation the pink-haired man had moved to an overseas modeling agency and was never heard from again. If Cloud truly believed Zack was dead, he was in a vulnerable state of mind that would impair his judgement considerably. He'd be easy prey to someone as sexually experienced as Marluxia.

"I want to go tonight" Zack growled.

Genesis sighed.

"I can't get a flight on such short notice, Zack. I understand your fear and anger, but we don't have that option."

"What a about a private plane?" the dark-haired man urged. He looked at Sephiroth, who blinked sleepily. "Surely your affiliates have money. A jet-a Cessna-_anything._"

"My...affiliates as you say have no such money to spare on me" was the tight reply. "Requesting it would be foolish and suspicious. Genesis has already gone to the lengths of getting us fake identifications, passports, and work VISAs. Do not ask any more of us."

"The longer we wait the more that bastard will use him!" Zack shouted.

"We have no proof that Cloud went anywhere questionable with Marluxia" Genesis said soothingly. "For all we know, they could have parted ways at the next subway station."

"Not likely" the dark-haired man muttered. "Marluxia's probably gone with him to meet with Roxas. I bet the bastard didn't even show to pick him up."

"He didn't" Genesis agreed. "But that is no reason to despair."

Zack had nothing else to say at that point. It was pointless arguing a cause that couldn't be helped by either man. Both of them were doing their best, and they had personal affairs to consider as well as his. He knew better than to ask too much of Sephiroth, the man was neither sympathetic nor attentive to anyone save Genesis. The snow had begun to fall much harder outside, and Sephiroth voiced concerns about flying out tomorrow. Watching the tiny flakes of ice blister over the window panes; Zack couldn't help but feel his cause was long lost. Hope was buried somewhere in an icy snow drift...fading slowly as the marching advance of spring melted that which mattered into naught but mirrorless puddles.

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"_Axel!" _

The surface underneath him was hard and unyielding. Some part of his hangover and exhaustion-ridden mind registered that it was a desk. Another part of him insisted it was a pillow made of sleepy-sheepy fibre.

"_Hey, Axel."_

Oh, he'd had this dream a few times. It was the one where Roxas was sitting next to the Elementary School in hideous green corduroys. His mother smiled and waved at the redhead, resplendent in a business suit and high heels. A string of pearls hung around her neck. Axel had always thought of Renee Hikari as a MILF. This was before he'd come to terms with the fact that he didn't have any attraction to women in the least. He's pretty much hated Mrs. Hikari for taking so much time away from him and Roxas' playtime, but it was hard to voice such a harsh opinion when she was the spitting image of her son. Or the other way around, whichever way you wanted to look at it.

"_Hello Axel dear, how are you?"_

Red-painted fingernails pinched his cheeks painfully. A mouth with pearly-white teeth leered and then turned away as Renee scolded Roxas for kicking his feet.

"_Fine, thanks."_

It wasn't exactly a secret that the Hikiaris ran a distribution ring. Hell, you had to in order to make that kind of money. Roxas often cried about the fights his mother and father had about dividing up the remaining narcotics amongst each other. Axel had spent too many a night in the blonde's bedroom listening to a drug-induced scream-fest between the two adults. The only time either of them were sober was in public.

"_Mama told me I'm going to grow up and be a stupid bastard like Daddy."_

...Fucking ridiculous. Axel had gotten into a fist-fight with his last year in middle school. They'd been sitting in the kitchen doing homework when the man had stormed into the area and literally thrown Roxas off the bar-stool for no reason at all. Watching blood leak out of the back of his best friend's head while his father railed on about how much he was like his mother-Axel had lost it. If they hadn't been busted and murdered the next day, the redhead was pretty sure he would have spent the majority of his underage years in a juvenile detention center.

"_Axel darling, I know you and Roxas were going to the playground today. But mommy needs her baby to help her around the house." _

Oh, yeah, he'd forgot about this one. This was in eighth grade. Roxas' job had consisted of watching his one-month old sister while his mother snorted coke in her boudoir.

"_Axel! Axel, please help me. She's blue, what do I do?! Help me!"_

It was the twenty fourth of October, Axel remembered nearly to the point of pain. After Roxas' call, he'd sprinted on foot five blocks in order to get to his friend's apartment. Upon arrival, he'd witnessed passed out on the living room floor, snoring. He could remember seeing the drool run out of her mouth and onto the carpet. Roxas was scared to call 911, he was afraid his Dad would beat him to death. There was sobbing in the nursery, the redhead could recall walking through the house in a dream, his entire body trembling.

Xion had been dead for a while before he even got there. The doctors called it respiratory distress syndrome. Nobody in the family even knew there was another child born into that terrible family. Axel was threatened death if he told anyone about it. She was buried in a little white coffin somewhere secret and unknown to anyone but Mr. and Mrs. Hikari. Roxas was blamed for everything.

"_I...don't want to live."_

He'd been happy that they'd died. Axel never voiced it to Roxas, but he considered it a blessing. Too much destruction had been left behind them, the redhead had no room to pity such people. Roxas was upset, but in a way that had slid from the grasp of most of his family. Axel alone understood the grief and confusion of losing something you had tolerated for so long. It was hard to know what to do with yourself afterwards...becoming an entirely new person was a daunting process.

"_We'll always be friends...right?"_

There were so many reasons that he loved Roxas. He'd been through so much with him, it was near-impossible to let go. But he wouldn't survive if he didn't. Larxene had been strangely sympathetic to him following his return to school. She asked him to grade surprisingly tolerable papers and invited him out to tea on more than one occasion. Despite the fact that Axel couldn't stand to be around her ninety five percent of the time, Larxene had a good heart...if questionable intentions. Still, he didn't like to be reminded that the closest people in his pathetic existence were a snarky Creative Writing professor and an ex-yakuza possessing a 'suck-it-up-with-a-straw' personality. Riku had suggested going out to meet new people, but it just felt like a betrayal. Axel didn't want that life anymore, he'd already attempted to live it once. Going back was impossible.

Somewhere, his phone was ringing in his pockets. He was apathetically dozing in the staff room after a particularly boring tour around campus. Lifting his head with a protestant groan, Axel opened one eye to check who was calling. The name _**'Marluxia Takahashi' **_was almost enough to send him into hysterics. The redhead accepted the call and lifted his cell to his ear.

"Aren't you supposed to be some sort of supermodel?" Axel snapped. "The fuck you calling me for?"

_***"Ooh, someone's testy."***_

"Yeah, well I'm not having the greatest day Marly."

_***"Aww, how cute"* **_came the sarcastic reply. _***"I need a favor."***_

"I'm not in the mood for favors" the redhead said coolly. "Go ask someone else."

_***"...It involves Cloud."***_

Axel hesitated, reluctant. He wasn't particularly close to Cloud, but he still had a lot of respect for the man who'd raised Roxas as his own. Cloud had been accepting of everything about Axel without question, blowing him off would be both low and immature.

"...Alright. What is it?"

There was a brief pause on the other end, the pink-haired man apparently collecting his thoughts.

_***"Okay, first of all; are you in Japan? 'Cuz that seems to be where everyone fucking is."***_

Axel frowned.

"Yeah, I am. What about it?"

_***"You probably know that Cloud was released from Shinra Asylum a few days ago."***_

The redhead rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

"No, I didn't. But go on."

_***"Oh. Well anyways, he was discharged and flown over to Japan to live with Roxas. I ran into him at the airport...and he...kind of came on to me."***_

Axel groaned.

"Oh shit Marly don't tell me..."

_***"-We didn't fuck or anything. I wanted to, but it doesn't seem right. He's just...really drunk and I don't exactly know what to do with him."**_

"Zack would flip if he knew this" the redhead muttered.

_***"Yeah well, according to Cloud Zack is dead." **_

Axel blinked, processing exactly what Marluxia was saying.

"...Oh man, is he okay?"

_***"Oh, I don't know Axel; he's staggering drunk singing Hail To The Chief at the bartender. His sonofabitch brother hasn't answered his damn phone calls and his best friend and lover just burned up in a fire. Why don't you come down here and fucking judge for youself?"***_

Axel swallowed thickly.

"You need me to come and take him to Roxas' house?"

_***"Well I sure as hell don't know where it is. And you don't even want to attempt to give me directions, I'll end up in Russia and you'll end up in Albuquerque or something like that."* **_He paused. _***"Axel, do everyone a favor and leave your screwy Messiah complex behind when you do this."***_

The redhead stiffened.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

_***"Oh, c'mon man you're not fooling me. Everyone knows you tend to be with people who need serious mental help. Do Cloud a favor and don't get involved, he needs time."* **_

"There's a big different between Cloud and Roxas" Axel said through gritted teeth.

_***"Not right now"***_was the irritable response. _***"Look, all I'm saying is try and remain as uninvolved as possible. Trust me, it'll be hard."***_

Axel attempted to control his temper.

"Fine" he snapped. "I'm on my way."

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Thanks for reading! Expect the next installment by this coming **Sunday **at the **latest.**


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